7th November - Myths and legends.

Arrrrg! I've just done this once and the deleted it all by mistake! So it might be short- I'm not writing that out again. Above are pics of some performers; guest compere James Christopher, Vladamir Mc Tavish (Actally in the guise of Bob Doolally), Don Barr and Belly Rub. Apologies to the newer performers but the camera proved to be out of batteries.

We were back up to a respectable audience number this week, largely due to an influx from Newcastle college, coming to support 3 acts from that excellent establishment. Al went up first and thought he detected a cultured accent among the rabble, 'Are you posh?' he asked, 'What's posh?' queried the crowd member, 'Do you know what SPAM tastes like?'

Al introduced the fabulous belly Rub, whose sketches cover all of life's problems, from discipling children while repecting their right to freedom of expression, to securing enough jazz for one's daily needs. Don Barr had noticed that even the road signs express the legendary hardness of the geordie, having seen this on the A1- 'pedestrians in road, slow to 50.' (Presumably if you hit a geordie at 60, he might spill his pint- and then you're in trouble.)

Guest compere James Christopher had more advice he'd noticed at the sea-side, 'Dont drink and drown' - emblazoned on a beer mat. (Apparently swimming is OK, just don't drown - if this approach works motorists will soon be advised 'Don't drink and crash.') He brought on Jenny Armstrong with a repeat of last week's act (what the hell- no one saw it last week.) she'd even re-drawn the duck so it was big enough for those at the back to see. Another Newcastle colleger was Jez Scharf, a presentable young man with a nice suit, a glorious head of hair and some charming self-depricating material - he disguised his need to check his notes with the line, 'Before I tell a joke I always like to look at a piece of paper.'

Running out of time, Pete dashed through the competition. (Very poor standard this week- the questions will now be on this site in advance so the swots among you can come up with some decent ones.) Pete (sod it-me.) introduced Ross Nelson and Vladamir McTavish, but as he (me) was thinking about what he (I) was going to say, he (I) forgot to make any notes. I do remember that Ross was the only one to mention the theme- though his 'legendary' event was stretching the term a bit, and that he did a fine debut set. And Vladamir will be familiar to you all after his 2 recent festival appearances. It's a real shot in the arm for us when pros like him stop by to try out new stuff and generally show us how it's done. Hats off, Sir.

If anyone actually reads this please do leave a comment to remind us it's worth the bother. You don't have to sign in or anything. (Chegg on Myspace!)

Halloween.

The show falling on Halloween gave us a great theme, that people might actually remember, and would be a great excuse for people to come out and have some spooky fun. And they did - to themed discos, bars and speed-dating nights. Just not to see us. We've been pretty full for the last 6 weeks but these mysterious lulls still happen. Perhaps people have noticed that when it's really quiet we don't charge- so the forty people who want to come have agreed to come 4 at a time to avoid paying the £2.

But it was a good night. As it was unlikely the 'audience' would be in a frenzy the 3 hosts decided to bite the bullet and go on first. So all the bits of tat that Cal, Al and Pete use to hold the show together were out of the way quickly. Cal picked some choice stories from the metro, including the burglars who blew themselves up while stealing a boiler. Al confessed to mutilating cats and Pete lamented the shoddy quality of (penny for the) guys.

Then came the acts. Another storming set of rants delivered in the charming Essex burr of Dave Dinamite, he will be headlining soon and is one to watch. Gina savage, who has some of the dry, world weary wit of the lamented Linda Smith was up next, and even showed us her inventions - talking tampons, anyone? Jenny Armstrong made her LLC debut with an illustrated lecture, including a beautifully painted explanation of why ducks lose all dignity while eating. Nolbert Stum returned as the Stumpenstein monster, complete with grotesque song and dance numbers.(Check out Nolberts own site- there's a link in the 13th June review.) In the second spooky encounter of the night we discovered the grey cloth that always covers the competition prize is infact a g..g..g..ghost, and while aching the show he's developed a crush on Al(ison). Ending the show was Jeffers (aka Les Paul Marshall) as himself for a change, he'd told us the infamous Les Paul is a character - and his own stand up was wholesome and politically correct, and for the first 40 seconds we believed him.

I'm pretty sure I forgot someone, as I lost the few notes I made, but hopefully one of the other lads will see this and edit it before anyone sees it. Preffessionalism- that's the LLC watchword.

24th Oct - Hangovers

It was the hangover show. Some 40 odd people came to see our tuesday night extravaganza.

Al Dawes opened the show, displaying his love for the ale with a series of tales of drunken and hungover stupidity, and doing his damndest to warm up the lovely crowd.

The first section included Dave Howarth, who was interrupted a few times by the headliner, and lead with the interesting tactic of taking the piss out of the town he was visiting. A nice set though, and he valiantly did hangover material! The theme took off!

Ian Smith was up next, cute little thing. He's from goole, and he likes it. A little bit. Leading off with a joke about Downs syndrome, which he pulled off well, he pushed the envelope and won.

The second section included Pete Thompson as MC, and he introduced:

Former Bobby Richard Lakin, his material unsurprisingly was that of what went on when he was in the force. Waltzing around the stage, he told us all about the vindictive nature of your average bored policeman, and the embarrassing badges they wear.

Local promoter Neil Magee followed on, and did a short but very snappy set, full of gags. He was the first to really get the crowd going, and he really seemed to enjoy himself.

The third section had Callum Cramb in charge, former plonky and man with plenty tales of hangovers. The theme went well.

Carl Hutchinson came on to do one of his first ever gigs, and the crowd gave him a lot of support. He marvelled at the odd boasting of newcastle drinkers.

John Scott closed the night for us with a great 20 minutes of material, with liberal use of the 'c' word, which he assures us is just punctuation where he comes from. John took us to the middle east, and back, the british legion. A great performance from an LLC regular, and you get all this for just £2.

21st Oct - A Scott In Newcastle

‘Among the top five new comic talents in Scotland’ - The Guardian

‘A grungy mix of Billy Connolly and Aragon, never hits a dry patch, never puts a foot wrong!’ Evening News.

See... he is good. But Al and Pete missed the show and no one else could be arsed to write a review.

If you saw the show, and can be arsed to write a review, please add it as a comment to this post.

20th Oct - A brief history of Scotland

Vladimir McTavish arrived on stage eventually to the strains of the proclaimers, with an expectant air from the audience. It seems he has been mucked around a little - we all thought he was starting at 8:30, but some of the festival publicity stated 9, and one girl even saw it advertised as 7:30! Still, that's nothing compared to the soccer themed night the day before. In the centre of Newcastle, on the same night as a Newcastle United european game, which was at home, and on the telly. Such are the vagiaries of promotion.

Despite the truncated start to the evening, Vlad took us on a tour of Scotland, from ancient times to present day political scandals, and stopping in to Newcastle for a pint. If it wasn't for the thick coating of gags, you could almost call it educational! The insights of a Scotsman, enjoying the absurdities of his own culture, and taking us on a tour while he does it. This was his sold out Edinburgh show from 2005, and it won plenty of critical acclaim.

It most likely he won't get much aclaim this time, but that is nothing to do with the performance. There was a reviewer in, and he was a complete tool. Scrounging cigarettes from the Students, and oozing twat, he didn't really endear himself to anyone. He left after Vladimir McTavish, maybe he knew what was coming next...

Bob Doolaly, unimpressed by having to miss the football the night before, came back onto stage to have another chat. Sinking vodka as if it was water, and carving the long departed reviewer to pieces with his very Scots brand of wit (he was a c**t!), I feel warm inside that he considers me a close personal friend of his. Some great tales of his friends in and out of football were dished out with inebriated vigour. It is an act, but it takes the smallest jump of faith to imagine him in the dugout. An old fashioned drunk idiot. The crowd adored him.

19th Oct - Bob Doolally's Soccer Balls

Bob Doolally, comic creation of Paul Sneddon, is one of Scotlands greatest player managers. He knows them all- name a player and you'll find he was 'a close personal friend' though 'sadly dead now.' This was the show for the football fans. Sadly, they were all out watching football- so Bob didn't have the audience he deserved. Still it was a great night, and even the non football fans loved it- i didn't get all of the references to teams and players, but it didn't stop me laughing all the time. An hour where Bob gets through 3 litres of vodka and enough expletives to fill an alternative dictionary, and still manages to discuss, footy, life, his 17 wives, and the smoking ban and drinking.

"They say you should have 18 units a week, fair enough... a bottle of wine? That's 1 unit, isn't it?"

18th Oct - The One and a Half Man Show

Well, it started that way, but thanks to broken trains and a well connected headliner, this became Three Men and a Little Lady.

Another warm full room, albeit with a gobby bunch of students at the front. You wonder if they had ever been let out before.

The 'half' man of the show was Chris Martin, but he got stuck in the pennines and didn't get there until late, so the night was augmented by Stephan Peddie's mate...

Susan Calman was introduced by Al Dawes, and ripped into an unsuspecting crowd with some fine chat, aggressive but still friendly and quickly finding out who the troublemakers were. An incredibly confident performer who bought such presence to the stage that the night almost peaked too early. As a last minute addition, the crowd got excellent value for money.

Susan had to run around the corner to another night she was doing, and Chris was still on a train, so to try and calm the crowd, Al Dawes went back on stage, and reprised some of his show from the previous night. This was augmented by his insistance on throwing himself to the floor. He hobbled off the stage to welcoming cheers for...

A very out of breath Chris Martin charged onto stage, full of anger against the trans-pennine express. Chris is a story teller, calling fancy from all manner of directions and not light on the gags. Fresh from an Edinburgh run, his style and delivery were top class.

Finally, after some more falling over from Al Dawes, on came the big man of north east comedy...

Stephan Peddie eventually made it to the stage through the crowd. Fun and frolics with a dark edge from Steph caused the whole range of responses. The dangerous world of killingworth was opened up for all to see. It was like funny fireworks, with as many oohs and aahs as ha-ha-haa's.

17th Oct - The Best of Long Live Comedy

It was a great night in the Dog and Parrot, and a chance for regular tuesday visitors to see us do material that we take around the country, which is a hell of a lot better than the normal 'this is what I wrote this week' material that you get.

With the room bursting at the seams, and a warm friendly crowd, you knew an hour before it even started that the night would be a good one.

Callum Cramb opened the night, managing to weave his material into conversations with the crowd. Memories of childhood fears in an asian community and a genuine love for the charver underclass pepper his set.

Pete Thompson was next up, with a glitter ball that he spent all weekend making. He started strong with a song about how much he loves the laydeeez, and finished with a poetic lesson in scrabble. Inbetween any observers from Manchester will have recognised his 'Superb set' (as described by the Frog and Bucket) from Beat the Frog a few weeks back - where he won with style.

Al Dawes closed the night, a southerner lost in the north where he neither understands, nor is understood. He told tales of looking for love, finding it, and deciding he was better off without. And there was pipe-based philosophy.

A strong opening to the Comedy Festival Week in the Dog and Parrot, may it go from strength to strength.

3rd October - Messing about in boats

Al tries a new style, Julie Dunstone on stage, guest compere James Christopher and the Scarborough visitors in full - Dave McCue, Julie and Dave Glover.



A return to the nice sized crowds we expect at Long Live Comedy saw an invasion from Scarborough. Lovely town, but the fact that they have a sea life centre made us feel a little competitive.

True to form, even though we have a theme every week (this weeks was messing about in boats), only a couple of people did anything boat themed. But that's fine, it won't stop us.

The show started with Guest Compere James Christopher, warming up for his own show which starts next week in the Black Swan in York. The comedy underground movement grows. Come the revolution etc etc. James has come up with a novel way of dealing with hecklers - he shoots them. It somewhat took the edge off when he had his 'bullets' quietly returned to him. Not so much ouch as awww.

Dave McCue opened the night, with some very informative tales of the secret danish plot to take over the north east. Salty dogs! Lovely guy, and he started off the night very well, with charm and no shortage of punchlines.

Next up Dave Glover, big lad, acres of comedy hidden around his ample beshirted body. Driving tales abounded, and one of the funniest spiderman lines I ever heard.

Callum Cramb compered the second section, chatting amiably with the crowd, and being constantly interrupted by a drunk man who wanted us to 'worship cheeses'. He apparently came close to wetting himself, sadly that was nothing to do with the comedy.

Pete Thompson entertained us with sporting tales of an Oxbridge Cox and a short extract from Wind in the Willows, where Satan sits with a baby otter between his feet whilst playing the pipes. Culture as well as comedy you see.

Julie Dunstone was next with a short set about fear of holidays and the inner workings of the male mind. She said after that she wasn't sure how her material would work with a 'young' crowd. She needn't have worried, it was a lovely punchy set with plenty to laugh about.

Al Dawes was in charge of the final section, and the big competition reveal. Though his Britney Spears impression was off key, he looked lovely with bunches. And went camp when he was buying cigarettes. Oooh, he likes them smooth.

Finishing the night was Scott Tyrell, a favourite of ours, who did plenty of new material about lord of the rings, and a classic story about prisoners sharing a moment of intimacy.

The competition was 'Sailors Songbook (or film guide or tv guide)', so you had to pick a pun with a nautical theme. Coming close was 'The Oars Whisperer', but the winner was 'The Lost Bouys'. It took a while for the crowd to get it, but get it they did.

September 26th.

Another small, but perfectly formed night. (We'll have to spread the word and get back to the full rooms we had over the Summer.)

Steffen Peddie came down to kick things off and got the room going with tales of his wrestling days when he was known as Judge Mental. Another comic might have to make up a story like that, but Steff just dips into his checkered past.

Pete appeared as Lord Caruthers-Worthington, a time traveller from 1843. This is a character he's developing for a radio competition, so apologies to anyone who didn't know what he was talking about. Particularly when he explained why it's necessary to be naked and covered in goose fat when coming up his time hole.

Comedy magic from the Flash. He had a new box of tricks to show us, including his version of 'Play Your Cards Right' with Bruce Forsythe. He can't do the voice, but he's got the chin mastered.

Dan Bland was up from Leeds and gave us a great stand up set. Hopefully he'll be back when we've got a bigger crowd - that's a long drive to play for 10 people.

After Dan's brief return to 'normal' stand up comedy, we were back in to the weird zone with Nolbert stump. Actually this was two characters in one, as a magic potion turned Nolbert into an artist -saliva Dor Dali. This is brilliant physical comedy, at one point there was an audible gasp when Nolbert looked (somehow) as if he might pull his own head off. See the review of Nolbert on the 13th of June, where there's also a link to his own website.

19th September.

Les Paul Marshall, Dave Dynamite, Paul Gerrard and the Belly Rub Sketch trio.



Another great LLC last night. Not a big crowd and only 4 acts but everything went so well we all came away thinking it was one of the more successful nights. (Even if we did forget to ask for any money.)

We had Dave Dynamite, who we only realised after sticking him on first, is a pro who usually gets paid. So he joins the ranks of those we're lucky to get. He'll hopefully be back to headline at some point. Although it actually worked well, amateurs that we are, we're only just realising that a good first act to get things going is as important as a good headliner. Dave certainly got things going, he's a brash Essex (?) boy ranting against the world. Some reviews I've seen say he's all rant and no material - I can't agree. he's a lot of rant but there's some great material in there. 'I was watching Hollyoaks - with the sound off, I'm not gay.'

Next up was LLC regular Paul Gerrard with another set of snappy one-liners. Paul should be back again soon, and if you're a Sunderlander he's also a regular performer at the Royalty.

We also had the sketch group Belly Rub, with Tom Mitchell who's done stand up at the LLC before. Following a drop out they had free reign over the whole middle section and it worked really well and made a great change from more stand up. It's often hard to make sketch comedy work in stand-up venues, but Belly Rub have the confidence and the material to make it work. (And hats off to our audiences who seem to embrace the 'anything goes' attitude.) Their set included the brilliant 'Goth Watch' -what would happen if Bill Oddie set up a hide in old Eldon Square.

Les Paul Marshall was back with more debauchery in the form of the popular song. I've said before that Les tends to amuse and disgust in equal measure, but pretty much everyone is laughing. Half the audience in a 'this is funny as f@)%*' way and the other half in a 'I can't believe what I'm hearing' stylee. This time Les Paul promised he wouldn't do the 'really sick' one and instead did a song about roman showers. (I didn't know either- google it(but not at work.)) He then did 'paedolphile rock' as an encore anyway.

We finished with the competition, this week Proverbs, inspired by an item Al and Pete heard on the Mark Radcliffe show. Their best one was;

"If you think someone is a fool, walk a mile in their shoes. If you still think they are a fool, you're a mile away and you've got their shoes."

Inspired by this the audence came up with;

"A problem shared is still the same size, but now your friend is pissed off too."

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw swingers parties."

"See a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll look like a tramp for picking up a penny."

And the winner;
"When your balls drop, remember to pick them up."

5th September

This week we had a fabulous group of comedians, playing to one of the warmest crowds you can get in the North East.

Luckily for everyone there, Pedro Stonehouse bottled it completely and didn't even call ahead to say he wasn't coming, so we had a bill of 4 acts plus Callum and Al compereing. It actually worked out well because we were treated to longer sets from the more accomplished comedians.

Opening the night, Callum had a good range of Steve Irwin/ crocodile hunter gags, poor lad died (Irwin that is not Callum), but got the award for most ironic death ever. Just don't ask callum if he is homophobic.

Rob Riley gave us a good long set of fine material, political, sick, and a graphic explanation of the black death - guinness drinkers will know how he feels. I know I do. As a pretty well practiced act, he had a real range of material, and got the evening rolling well. He's from oldham. He isn't a huge fan of home.

Following that the rebirth of James Christopher continues, with some good off the cuff material, and the stunning revelation that he is the third step cousin twice removed from Peanut out ot the Kaiser Chiefs. Shame he can't stand them.

The second half was compered by Al Dawes, seeing as that is me, I don't really know what to say about it, apart from the fact that I found it a very cathartic experience, and did some new material that I was scared to use, but actually went quite well.

New boy Tom Roche - fresh from the Sarah Millican school of comedy - came on with some great material including a very good Hitler impression. His stage confidence never betrayed his lack of experience.

The competition yielded yet more gems. It was a Give-Existing-Words-New-Definitions comp, and the winner was Realise - eyes that are definitely there. Class.

Closing the night was Vladimir McTavish, one of the nicest guys in comedy (I can write that because I don't think he'll read this). Kindly giving us an extended set, he gave us brand spanking new material along with some of his greatest hits. His biting political satire includes an exploration of the ancient feud between Sweden and Trinidad & Tobago, and the gay solution to the Irish problem. Brilliant, and back at the Dog and Parrot for an hour long show in the festival. Seriously, you should come along.

So bad luck if you missed it, don't miss next week's....

LONG LIVE COMEDY

22nd August.

A short round up this week, as I (Pete) was compere and I had too much to worry about without taking photos and watching the other acts. I think I scraped by, but I don't yet have the compere skills that Callum has developed over the past year. I should probably stick to weird acts as the prince/beck inspired song 'ladies, ladies, ladies.' was propbably the best thing I did- and much more successful than my attempts to banter with the crowd. For the record we had on Tom Lyons, Tom Mitchell and Lewis Burgess and they were all great, but I can't remember what any of them said. Steffen Peddie was our headliner, another comic getting ready for his hour long show during October's comedy festival, on our very own stage.

This weeks comp was definitions again, and the winner was El Gibsteroni, who came up with 'plush- the noise a posh toilet makes.'

If anyone can remember anymore, leave a comment!

No photos this week, but the selection of old pics includes -me onstage somewhere else; From last week Regan who won the comp. amd headliner Scott Tyrell with his text messages; and one of our fans waiting for his pint.

15th August

Some of this week's performers - (sorry you're not all in -we can only have 5 pics) Phil Buckley. Don Barr. Pedro Stonehouse. Claire Morgan aka Domain Jane and mother. Scott Tyrel.

Another great night! We must have been missed in the two weeks when we were gone, because -by heck- there was a big crowd tonight. Sorry for those standing at the back - we'll try to find some more chairs if we can.

Callum took over all the hosting duties tonight, and as he'd been in Edinburgh checking out the festival, he gave us his impressions of Scotland. Including how their big issue sellers are still fairly obviously drunk, and the impressive levels of threats 'I'll fckn melt yer, yer basser!'

Our own Al Dawes was on first with a set of greatest hits, preparing for an Edinburgh appearance himself in the ' So You Think You're Funny?' competition. Good stuff and good luck!

Next was Pedro Stonehouse. An energetic comic who blagged his way on an already full bill with tales of his many appearances in America. But after desperately lying his way on stage, he changed his mind and with a minute to spare told us he didn't want to do it. 'Too late' declared Al - and Pedro was forced onstage, to not a bad reaction. He got by on his furious energy and the comic value of a plastic sword that made its own sound effects.

Keith -was called 'Flint' in our advert, but apologies to anyone who was expecting the guy from the prodigy - the name was a mistake, we know not from whence it came about. Another first time performer who almost bottled it, but rallied and made a resepectable first performance.

Claire Morgan gave us one of her many comic characters - two actually as we finally got our first ventriloquist act. Stories of trying to stay sane when you live with your mother in New York's finest fish and chip shop. (New York -Noth Sheilds that is.) You lucky punters saw this for the last time before it hit the edinburgh festival.

Don Barr gave a fine performance, explaining how an hum-drum day can be transformed by judicious use of the words 'little did he know.' He also complained about those who make the sign of the cross before they run onto the football pitch - it's just wasting God's time.

The audience comp this week was 'Fisherman's Song Book' entries included- 'the dace of spades' and 'Sitting on Haddock at the bay.' The winner was Regan, a young man so photogenic and 'with it' that Callum had earlier mistaken him for one of the monochrome pop-star prints that now surround the room.

Phil Buckley gave us a great set including a twist on the old chat up line 'Your father must have been a thief - because you look like a pikey.'

Scott Tyrel gave a wonderful finale to the night. Scott's recently returned to the North East so he's a newcomer at LLC, but he's an accomplished performer with a style reminiscent of Eddie Izzard (When he was still good). He pondered why kids feel the need to put on a bad American accent when playing with action figures, and if American kids do the opposite - 'I say Chewbacca, care for a spot of tea?' He finished on a delightful poem about the perils of trying to continue a lovelife with young children in the house.

A night to remember all in all. Hopefully we have turned the corner and it will be full every week, but please god, not fullER - we need some breathing space.

25th July

WHAT A SHOW!!

You must realise I only say this because Pete (one of our number) wasn't there. But it was a cracker.

Callum Cramb took the opportunity to compére the whole night, and warmed a lovely crowd into a great one.

Opening the night was a fat lad called Al Dawes, who ran over time, offended the weak, and talked at great length about drunkeness and karaoke. He loves to work the most obvious material. The word esoteric isn't in his vocabulary. He could never spell it.

Next was Gina Savage. Despite being introduced as Gina Davis, she had a beautiful dry wit with some very clever punchlines. Hopefully more of her in the future.

Nolbert Stump. If you haven't seen him, you are weaker because of it. A fine performance from a bloomin' lunatic who seems to love the taste of shaving foam. Think Charlie Chuck, but even more northern, and including the word 'clarts'. You will not see an act like that in jonglers, which is exactly why you shouldn't go.

James Christopher decided to ditch his entire set, and strike out in new ground. He may have been heckled by a scouser, but he was awash with new - and funny - material, mostly out of the top drawer, but some of it from a wardrobe.

Matt Seber got all political on our ass. There was confusion, then laughter, then some clapping, and some excellent prescott baiting. A breath of fresh air from a guy who knew what he was doing, and did it.

Finally, Kate Fox reprised her performance from last time, and furthered my opinion of internet dating - if those guys get it, surely I can - girly, funny, and very, very lovely.

Hell of a night. In years to come, you will pretend to your mates you were there.

11TH OF JULY.

From this weeks show - Scott Mccloud, 70's comic Les Bastard, Les Paul Marshall, Steffen Peddie - For pics of the other performers have a look at the reviews of other shows - everyone's on the site somewhere.


This weeks show was another quiet one - come on people! But this is the quiet season for comedy, if we can survive through this then we should be nicely full when the weather turns in September. (This is what we keep telling ourselves.) Anyway, still a good gig for those that did come, the audience was thin but the stage was packed.

Al started us off, talking of 'celebrity' love island - which has actually dropped the first word because there's no one in it that anyone's heard of. Al speculated that he is probably already too famous to get on the show.

Scott McCloud has only done a handful of gigs but already has a great, inventive set. He discussed the new BBC show 'Only fools on Horses' and suggested this may be the start of a trend for turning old comedies into new game shows. How about 'Blackadder' he mused, 'Where Carol Vordeman puts on make-up and experiences life as a maths genius and an ethnic minority.'

Callum told us of the time he met Prince Charles, asked him what he thought of 'Spitting Image' and got a bollocking from his teacher for his cheek. Happy days! Then he announced;

Steffen Peddie. Steff was not a happy bunny, but comedy legend that he is, he managed to milk his 'why did I bother coming tonight?' mood and was the highlight of tonight's show. (Even if he did speculate at one point that we might have all died and gone to hell.) Until you've seen Steff singing 'Your beautiful' as Elmer Fudd, you haven't lived.

Les Paul Marshall, was on at the first LLC, and he was back tonight, amusing and disgusting in equal measure - well comic songs about menstruation and pedophilia aren't everyone's cup of tea.

As the show neared it's end came competition time! This week it was favorite mother in law jokes, and to read them out we had Yorkshires top comic (1978) Les Bastard (Pete with a cushion up his shirt.) Al was on the drums providing the BADUM TISH! After every punchline. My favorite of the night: I wouldn't say my mother in law's fat, but she sat on a rainbow and Skittles came out.

Finally a stellar double bill of Sarah Millican and John Scott, both trying out new material and wowing the 'crowd' with classic material too. John's back for the next two weeks, so catch him again as he perfects material for his hour long show later in the year.

13th June.

Despite Brazil playing football we still had a decent turn out to our little club. If we're surviving now then it will be wall to wall come November when it's cold outside and there's nothing to watch.

Callum got things going with some old skool material about tough Byker pubs. 'I wouldn't say it was tough, but the first question in the quiz was 'Did you spill my pint?'

Then keeping it old skool was our first act -Nolbert Stump, who would have been at home in a Victorian freak show. Think Marty Feldman, Charlie Chuck, and Les Dawson. Nolbert's had a hard life, and has the face to prove it. 'When I was born me mother wanted money. What for? I asked -nine month's rent.' Great acting too, if you don't watch him when he takes the wig off, you won't be able to pick him out of the crowd. Check out

Nolbert's own site:

Cal Returned with some biting political satire - and believe me it bites. (Cal asked me to say that, honest.) And introduced;

John Scott, back to try out new stuff and entertain us with his impressive back catalogue -though the new stuff is generally so good you can't tell the difference. John's still enjoying the football, despite the fact Scotland's not involved. 'We actually sing, -we're shit and we know we are! England fans should sing -we're average, but we can't accept it.'

Pete (Me-I'll stop pretending some journalist writes this) had a few comments on 'designer' sunglasses and the new mannequins in Evans- which finally resemble the people who actually shop there. Sorry- I wasn't quite up to scratch this week - next time I'll add some jokes to the general ramblings.

Last up was another brave soul making the trip from Manchester, Damian Larkin. I have to admit, I'm writing this a week after the gig, and as my notepad ended up on the other side of the room, I have nothing jotted down on Damian. Still a quick google and the BBC Tees site said..

"Damian Larkin filled the gap between the two beer breaks of the evening with a quick burst of one-liner gags which were well delivered and generated a lot of laughter."

...and I'm not going to argue with that. Damian's yet another comic who's too good to be seen for £2 in our little club. Get down here next time, you don't know what you're missing.

And nice brown leather sofas. Coo!

30TH OF MAY.

This weeks guests - The Flash, James Christopher, John Scott and Tom Mitchel.



So last night was a lot of fun. A success if not a roaring one. Our little comedy club is a very friendly place, and given that we were fighting against a bank holiday hangover, and England playing football it wasn't badly attended. Unsurprisingly, when the football ended, a few more people turned up.

Callum looked after the first section, including material on dance floor do's and don'ts which set up this week's competition.
He introduced Tom Mitchell, a very cerebral guy, with some great imagery to hand. His admiration for pornographers seems very genuine. Finishing the first section was a return of Doctor Who lookilikey James Christopher; who's speccy trekky act is becoming less of a crutch, he is doing more material as himself, which is genuinely funny. Got the moment of the night when he got a big groan. 'oh so puns don't work in the 'dog and parrot'. Yes, it was a location gag, you did have to be there, but of its moment, it was cheer worthily good.

Al introduced himself and did stuff on moving to the north, and struggling with the accent etc. Strangely enough he had mothballed it because he thought it was too geordie, and wouldn't travel. But it certainly works here. A heckle from Callum pointing out that Al's a cheesemaker, not an engineer, brought forth a cheesy take on Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

The other act in this section was comedy magician THE FLASH; cracking stuff. He has a really good polished act now, with gags and some really fun tricks. The audience mind reading bit is so good, and made by the fact that the stooge seldom gets it.

Pete looked after the last section, going over his notebooks for new stuff - this gave us some great quick ones, including beautifying wind farms by including models of two guys choping wood on them, and some longer bits which need a bit more of a polish. The competition took the form of 'you name a dance step, we will act it out' Callum's idea, and it worked really, really well. The winner was the classic dad dance which came with very clear instructions - crouch; lift one leg and twist; repeat with other leg; both thumbs up throughout. The lucky winner recieved a bottle of sanatogen tonic wine (we shit you not.) which comes with the warning that 'tonic' in no way implies health giving properties.

John Scott, fresh from playing rooms with 200 people for actual money, still came down to mix with the likes of us. He was exercising his new idea about sitting down to perform. It was a really interesting change, it took the energy out of the set, but it made everything warm and friendly and fuzzy.

16th May - Long Live Comedy

At this fortnight's Long Live Comedy, we were joined by 5 of the good people of manchester, and about 30 paying punters. It was a lot of fun.

Opening the night was Viscount Al Rosser, Fashionista - Al Dawes in a cravat. A bit of a strange way to start a night, but you have to let him have his fun.

Other than that rather abortive attempt at a character, we had:

Chris Tavener, who boldly took on the opening slot, some nice conversational material, which set the tone somewhat for a pleasant evening.

Following him was the recent competition winner Christian Steel. Great material mix between tried and tested, and brand spanking new. His stage presence shows that he is gigging really regularly at the moment, and is a star on the rise. Plus (and much to our chagrin) he recently won the north east heat of Amused Moose - FLYING THE FLAG

Following the break we had billy-bob-thornton, the oft-threatened cowboy alter-ego of Pete Thompson. It was a lovely set, and I defy anyone else to get as many laughs from the words colaboration, and e-mail. Good stuff, great character.

The toothpaste expedition showed us their thang after that, and they were a strange mix of the sublime, the ridiculous and then back again. And again. Some fine gags, and something a little different. 'Very 80's' one punter was heard to mention. I am assuming this was a compliment of some type, especially as mullets and stripes are back 'in' (take it from a fashionista).

Sadly due to a scary work thing, I had to go home and missed the final section, but I'm told the competition, Sean Moran and Ross Wagman all had a lot of fun. Reviews (may) be posted here soon.

If you didn't see it, bad boy/girl. Still, you can make up for it by coming to the next one on 30th May. Dog & Parrot, Newcastle. Only £2, and you get at least 6 comedians for that. We spoil you we really do.

2ND MAY.

We've been suffering because the last gig, this one and (oh dear) the next one all occur following bank holidays. People have had too much fun by the time they get to Tuesday and aren't looking for any more. However, Long live comedy last night was still reasonably well attended - we aren't breaking records, but the room isn't huge, and it is so nice in there. The audience were happy to relax.

Due to a couple of last minute drop offs we had time to play with, so the acts that were on got to cut loose a little and I hope they enjoyed themselves.

Murray James was on first, he proved a breath of fresh air as he mused about the gramatical and spelling nightmare which is Toys 'R' us and explained his haircut by telling us he'd been raised by wolves. A new face on the scene with a touch of the new surrealism of the mighty boosh, some good material, and nicely different from the tired old knob gags we sometimes hear.

Chris Martin (no, not that one) did a nice set with some old material, some new, and some very smart ad-libbing. Highlights included him 'borrowing' a prosthetic arm and the unusual reason for being bullied at his school - two first names (They obviously weren't Seinfeld fans.) He scared the audience a little with the ghost that was on stage. It's ok, it turned out to be a bottle of blue MD 20/20 under a sheet- our prizes just get better.

Paul Gerrard, already a long live comedy stalwart, came on to try some new material. This is about his third appearance doing all new material - in the coming months we'll have him back with the pick of the bunch which should be a storming set. Paul's gag of the night for me -'If a dripping tap makes you want to pee, does a gas leak make you fart?'

The final section was a mix of Pete and Callum. Pete did part compere, part new material bit. The best bits were Pete wondering why the toilets have the sophisticated detail of a multi volume flush, but no paper or doors; and a critique of the new Australian tourism adverts with the slogan 'Where the bloody hell are ya?'.

Callum did his grade A material for us in preparation of a trip to manchester tonight, this was the first time Callum's done this set at LLC. Good stuff, and even though we have seen him umpteen times doing this set at other venues there are some lines that hit home every time. Charvers in west side story is becoming a classic.

As for the competition, we went with 'your favourite euphamism'. Though Making Rope for the Navy (plop-plops) came close, the winner was Hand-to-Gland Combat (an act of filthy onanism). And who can argue with that?

So, a great night, the first use of our new (hiss free) PA system, and another lovely, friendly audience. Next time (16th May) we have a job lot of comics coming up from Manchester, and I can assure you there are some crackers in there. Come early to the next one to avoid disappointment.

Oh- We forgot the camera this time, so just a nice pic from last time, audience member big Pete triumphantly grasping his blue nun.