20th Feb. -politics

With compere Al Dawes, Don Moses, Donnachda O Connail, Dan Dynamite.

Also Ben Davis, and Jamie Rothwell. (We've ordered a new camera so from next week we'll have pictures of the new acts too.)

The theme was politics, but Al didn't wan't to dwell on Blair and modern politics in case he started foaming at the mouth. Al's such a nice guy we sometimes forget he's a christian tory. Instead he focussed on Castro - he's retained a certain popularity even though he's a dictator- why? Because America hates him, so he can't be all bad. And there's enormous fun to be had from someone who's survived assassination by exploding cigar.

Ben Davis (still a student) discussed green issues and the Arab Isreali conflict. He's a quater Jewish so he has some insight, not much, but he is allowed to say 'mushugana'.

Don Moses started by thanking everyone for their applause, then wondered if he should. On Jeremy Kyle everyone gets a round of applause, even if they're on to explain why they abandonned their kids in a skip. He ended with a QandA session- just in case anyone thought he hadn't covered everything in his 5 minutes. Still, the audience clearly wanted him to be thorough -the third question was 'What happened in the 60's?'

Jamie Rothwell was recovering from valentines day. He got a shower radio. A charming gift? Jamie took this as a sign that his beloved hoped he'd kill himself falling through a glass door while attempting to dance in a soapy area.

Donnachda was back trying some new material, tales of alien abduction. Unfortunately for the aliens a miscalculation of scale meant he abducted them, in the pocket of his sensible thornproof jacket.

Dynamite Dave was headlining again, though Dave's been unlucky and only comes on quiet nights- so the honour of headlining is diminished by the fact there are fewer people in the room than at the start of the gig. But Dave energised the room and the 11 people still present were howling like a packed crowd. Dave effortlessly wove the theme of politics into his set. 'I saw John Major in the chip shop once, you know when you're in the chip shop...'

We'd had enough politics by now, so it being pancake day, the competition was suggestions for other weird holidays. Tickle a nun day was a popular favourite. The winner suggested we re-start the practice of rolling cheeses down hills, except substituting the cheese with Jade Goody.

13th February -Gardening / Valentines.

With Paul Gerrard, Rick wharton, Ging, Carl Hutchinson, Compere Callumb Cramb and Pete Thompson (As Father Mahoney)

Also with John Whale (Sadly not pictured as the LLC camera is officially dead.)

This week the theme was Gardening, as 4 weeks ago when we picked it we'd failed to notice it was the day before Valentine's. But in the end Love won out, and there was more slush than mulch.

Compere this week was Cal, warming us up with cosmopolitain tales of how his train was delayed by a tramp's package and the dangers of being a metrosexual (You get thrown off and your pass is confiscated.)

Fist up was Rick Wharton with a cracking set. After getting the Newcastle Edition of Monopoly he discussed other real events games - 9/11 Jenga anyone? The audience liked some, but thought some were in poor taste - apparently if you're going to mock the dead at LLC make sure they're dead Americans.

Paul Gerrard is a rare thing. He's a comic who tells jokes. No stories, no banter, no have you ever noticed... or wouldn't it be funny if... He just tells gags, and it's refreshing. "I joined a club for obsessive compulsives, 87 times." If you want to hear 18 more like that, watch Paul for 7 minutes.

Regular Pete was up this week with a paper dog collar and a ropey Irish accent -as Father Mahoney, giving a Valentines day sermon, throwing new light on an old romantic tale. A man sells his watch to buy his wife some combs, while to buy him a watch chain she sells her hair. The daft feckin' mare.

John Whale was up next, a true wordsmith pondering on why so many of our idioms are frankly barbaric. Kill two birds with one stone, not enough room to swing a cat, from a nation of animal lovers?

Ging was back, sponsored by Coke this week. (Though it was very subtle.) Ging always brings a loyal gaggle of fans, and this week they were even doing his punchlines and adding to the routine. 'Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolates' says Ging, 'you never know what you'll get, - but I always get a little menu with a box of chocolates.' And from the crowd we heard, 'What about revels?'

Carl was back to finish the night with another dose of well observed material. Why do mums tidy the house before the Gas man arrives?

The competition, hastily converted to a valentine theme was completing the rhyme;
'Roses are red, violets are blue'
e.g.
I've got clamidia, now you do too.
(and the worrying winner)
go on, sniff my finger, sniff it, sniff it.

What's wrong with you people?

6th Feb - Sports

This week's sports themed night including: Tom Mitchell, Dave Dynamite, guest compere James Christopher. Also there (though not pictured as the LLC camera has finally died) were Keith Piper, Romantic Novelist Selsdon Crupp and Jenny Armstrong.


We're trying out one compere for the whole night, so Pete was the first to give it a go. Most of Pete's material was based on explaining the competition 'Improve the Sport' eg. Relay-Sticks of dynamite replace batons. This means the runners are still competing against each other, but there's also an element of beat the clock. Though Pete also got lucky with the audience banter. He once sprained his jaw through yawning, 'Have you had any weird injuries?' He asked a guy in the first row. 'I started to grow an extra knee...'

First up was Tom Mitchell with a quick look at some of the topics of the day, including the development of 'ethical bullets' -how 'ethical' can they be, exactly?

Next was Keith Piper in his second LLC appearance, managing to draw a lot of humour from the fact that he wasn't really prepared. 'Where's my notes?' isn't the most likely catchphrase, but it seemed to work alongside, 'I haven't worked out how to do a Noah accent.'

Romantic Novelist Selsdon Crupp was a beautiful bit of character comedy. Selsdon read from his latest opus 'Castaway... on Sex Island.' And related his celebrity hijinks with show-biz mate Frank Bruno.

Another illustated lecture from Jenny Armstrong. (We really need a picture) This time Jenny did a bit of poetry criticism - on the genre 'Whinnie the Pooh' fan literature. -Most of whch dosen't stand up to Jenny's trained critical eye. Also, is eating a starburst equivalent to a star bursting? Most of us just wonder - Jenny does the research, and serves it up on a science plate.

Finally Dave Dynamite wound up the night in fine frantic style. His crafted machine gun rants (in that charming Essex burr) giving a final boost of energy and ensuring the crowd left on a high.

31st January – Reality TV

With Catherine Scott, Carl Hutchinson, Donnachda O'Connaill, Vladimir McTavish, John Scott and others.

A good night, a packed bill, and that ‘hooray, it’s just after payday’ feel all round.

This week’s theme of Reality TV was embraced by all. For the first time. Brilliant. And the crowd seemed to be happy that we were all talking about similar stuff. Amazingly, Jade Goody got off lightly!

Al opened the night, telling a tale about how he was on big brother once?! He introduced Carl Hutchinson and Catherine Scott. Carl had a few things to talk about, and was not happy with the celebrity big brother debacle. Not at all. Catherine was back for the first time in ages, and told of her time in byker grove as an extra. “look, it’s my hair! Behind that table!”

Pete took the middle section, and was already hammered as he was replacing his smoking habit with a drinking one. He introduced Dickie Gardner, Vladimir McTavish, and Donnachda O’Connil. Vladimir McTavish had a few things that he wanted to see on reality TV. It was a sharp downward spiral of filth. Very good. We love that he comes over all the time, a genuine pro, and you get to see him for a measly £2. Donnachda again showed off his Woody-Allen-esq writing skills. His newer material about his parents as solid as anything he has had before.

The final section saw Callum finishing off the competition, then introducing Stu Robertson and John Scott. Stu was in excellent form, telling us tales of REAL reality TV, along with CCTV footage of his mate beating someone up in Barrow. Bless. John Scott finished the evening in style. He performed in a laid back style, put still reminded everyone that the noises in the back yard could well be a serial killer!

This weeks competition was to suggest your own reality TV show. My favourite was ‘Who wants to be a Milliner’, but the winner was ‘Charver Safari – hunters drive through Benwell shooting charvers’. Well deserved!