TUE. 30th October - Halloween

A small crowd, but then half the acts didn't show up either. But Gareth Johnson, Arthur Fernshuttle, and Simon Gunnell all put in a great performance that deserved a bigger crowd. Gareth had made an effort, dressed in a crisp white linen suit - makes a change from all these scruffy times getting on stage in jeans. He used a clever pavlovian technique to guarantee a good reception, by conditioning us to cheer whenever he didn't need his notes and threw a page away. Audience regular Barry was back as his alter ego Arthur Fernshuttle, Gatesheads premiere upholsterer. He's already been signed up for our chilli gig- there's a big future for this young man. Finally, a great LLC debut for Simon Gunnel on the horrors of School reunions and wanting to relive his life to the theme from Top Gun.

And as it was Halloween, Hairy Grey Booze Ghost made an appearance too.

Tues 23rd Oct - Dreams

This week we're lucky - a surprise visit from Dan Willis to start the show, and even his mum (slightly worse for the drink) in the audience didn't put him off. He noticed that the Dog and Parrot is one of the few places that don't now have advertising in the toilets. Well, we don't have paper in the toilets either, or doors.
Lee Chamberlain was up next. He's got a lot in common with Jesus. Jesus was a fisherman- he likes scampi. Sian Bevan stopped off during her tour which takes stand up comedy to kids. It's the same set, just with a few careful substitutions - so the story sbout her promiscuous friend who's never had an STI becomes the one about the girl who plays loads of tennis, but has never twisted her ankle. Tony Basnett was back fir his second gig ever and is coming along nicely (another comedy flower sprining up in the LLC nursery) He'd been happy slapped and couldn't understand why anyone would do it- if you go to all that bother, why not take the wallet as well?Finally Joby was back - the young tyke is still having problems with the ladies, but makes up by taking self-love to almost professional levels. What a w^&%$£@!

Lee and Joby Pictured.

OCTOBER 16TH - HEALTH.

Some of this week's stars- Tom, Harry, Don and James.

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...

The theme was health, so the competition was Doctor, doctor...

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together.
Doctor, doctor, I fell like a twisted aeroplane. Straighten up and fly right.
Doctor, doctor, I feel compelled to sprinkle herbs on the carpet. Stop wasting my thyme.

The winner was: Doctor, doctor, can I get an appointment? Some time this year?

On the bill this week - Don Moses, with some magical dexterity, and topical stuff - apparently Middlesbrough is the worst place in the country to live. They invented the parmo for god's sakes!
James Christopher chatted about his life and trials of being a comedian, and basked in the reflected glory off having a grandmother who got locked in a toilet for 12 hours.
Tom Walker apparently looks a bit gay. And was liberal with his use of the word 'finger-bang'. There was a touch of the Graham Nortons about him.
Big man Harry Charisma was a trifle upset at the casual use of language, 'all the time' is only 3 syllables, so why are people saying '24/7'?
We finished with a man called Paulo, from somewhere in south america, who was trying to fit in by singing a song about how the british clearly loved their trousers.

OCT. 9TH - Manners.

OUR WEEKLY SHOW THIS WEEK...
9th October - Manners
LLC introduce: Dee Custace, Don Moses, Adam Tempest, Carlos, Robbie Hearst, Chris Martin and Sean McLaughlin.

25TH SEP. -HELP! AND 2ND OCT. - SARCASM.

25th September - Help!
Chris Ramsey back from his long Summer hols introduced Kate Fox with her charming poetry, comedy and pink flying V ukelele. James Harris, of shameless films, who is often seen with his sketch partner, was back to do his solo stand up set - explaining why George Bush refers to his countrymen as pubic wigs. Steffen Peddie made a welcome return with an extended set, and a new rockabilly look.

2nd October - Sarcasm
After Steff last week, another local pro. returned to try out a longer set, so you lucky people were treated to 30 minutes in the company of Sarah Millican. Also appearing (as far as I know, I was actually off with flu) were Tom Roche, Graham Lee and Dickie Gardner.

18TH SEP- Fish.

Some of this week's acts- Gav, Danny, Sarah, Carl and Robbie.


Gavin Webster, a northeast comedy legend, was down to start the night off. Some brilliant stuff and he even brought his guitar for a musical tribute to Midlesborough.

Danny Jackson was back, with the embrassing truth abut having an aging punk for a dad. It livens up car trips- 'I am an antichrist!.... What 'am I Karen?'

Sarah Speak, comedy gold, or worrying psychological problem? She doesn't trust people in case they're being operated by borrowers who've tunnelled into the brain.

Liam MacLeod-pronounced 'm'cloud' spent some time talking about his embarrassingly wimpy name... we all thought it's pretty cool, he's named after highlander for god's sake.

Carl Hutchinson reminded us that there's always a sob story on x factor. It's not enough to sing, you have to sing and have a relative in a coma.

Robbie Hurst, some good gags and a big slice of good old bill hicks style ranting.

And to finish John Scott, trying out a few new ideas, as usual better than most people's A1 stuff. So some promising newbies but the night topped and tailed by the big guns of Northeast comedy, not bad for £2.

The theme was fish and the competition was fishy song book...

Sitting on Haddock of the Bay.
Somewhere over the rainbow trout.
And the winner... Shaduppa your plaice.

4th, 11th September.

A more detailed review may follow nce we pull our finger out, in the meantime, here's who was on...

4th- Richard Coughlan, James Christopher, Flash, Sean Turner and Danny Case.

11th- Tony Basnett, Paul Gerrard, Mark Allen, Paul Smith, Neil Davis and Ric Wharton.

14th, 21st, 28th August.

We've just returned from a busy Edinburgh festival, so the reviews of the last few weeks have been a bit rushed. However, for the record here's what happened...

14th August - Pagans
Paul Schmitz, Carl Huthinson, Beth Anderson, Sean McLaughlin and others... a good night to see us off, also included Pete's Edinburgh preview- That 'Ladies' song with glorious new backing track.

21st August - TBA
Carl Hutchinson took a break from Edinburgh himself to come and do our show for us- what a trooper! With John Scott, Ric Wharton, Flash, Sean Turner, and Martin Irving.

28th August - TBA
The LLC triumphantly returned from Edinburgh to introduce: Lee Teah, Dickie Gardner, Carlos and Dave Dynamite... It looked like it might be another quiet night, but at 5 to 9 the reinforcements arrived. Despite the rain, the football and the fact it was the day after a bank holiday, the crowd came out and we had a lovely night.

7TH AUGUST Climate Change.

With James Christopher, John Scott, Don Barr, GING and Joby.

James Christopher was up with some new material and his Marks and Sparks soup, with it's lid sticker which has the power to dictate his emotional state for a whole season. Luckily it uses it's power for good, saying 'Enjoy Summer'. Al Dawes appeared as an act, celebrating new love and bemoaning climate change - those killer catapillars aren't as bad as 'The Sun' made out. Ging was back, he's 19 next week and still hasn't written any material- still oddly compelling, though. Don Barr had a cracking gig! Back with his guitar to update nursery rhymes, and with his I-pod to select the best music for a funeral. Joby came by to explain why he went ginger by accident. Finally, pro comic John Scott came in to hone some new material and treat us to some polished stuff too. John can tell you exactly why a terrorist attack on Scotland is doomed to fail- Even the romans stopped at Scotland!

31st July - Summer Holidays

The LLC regulars in The Winston Churchill Story, Flash, Sean Turner, Jamie Rothwell, Steff Peddie, also appearing were Chris Ramsey and Paul Gerrard.


Sean turner started us off with with a set which included his invention- 'the imortality box'- a converted plant pot on the head, based on the theory that no one has ever died with a plant pot on their head. Up next was the magical Flash, with his version of 'Play your Cards Right.' He did the same act last year, but he's improved it no end- he can actually do a Brucie accent now. Paul Gerrard was back with another flotilla of killa one liners. (You can use that quote on your posters, Paul.)

Then Pete, Cal and Al took over the middle section to tell the story of Churchill, as hilarious as it was informative, this ended with stand up sets from Hitler, Stalin and the great man himself.

Chris Ramsey took to the stage so his film crew (yes, he really had a film crew.) could capture his best bits, Chris is making a video to show all the New York promoters when he's there for the comedy festival. (yes, he really is going to the NY comedy festival.) Jamie Rothwell was back for his second appearance with a very smooth set. He's the guy who has to investigate our insurance claims, naturally he gets a lot of tall tales. 'Some charvas off the estate broke in, my collection of faberge eggs was completely ruined.' Finally Steff Peddie (off of the telly) made a welcome return and closed the night in fine style.

24TH JULY- CELEBRITY.

The best show in ages! A big crowd, spurring on all the acts to greater things, it made for an unforgetable night!

Wih Ian Fox -previewing his Edinburgh show, ' One Man Defective Story', Dikie Gardener, Ric Wharton, John Scott and Adam Tempest.


Also appearing, Danny Jackson.

Ian Fox started us off with a sneeky peek at his new show for the Edinburgh festival, 'One man defective story'. The defective man in question is Ian himself, an alternative title could be 'What's wrong with me?'- a question Ian is asked a bit too often. So the show is an investigation into himself, asking various witnesses and sniffing out clues to see what is wrong with Ian fox.

After Ian, who went on first to get used to warming up cold crowds, we were back with the usual LLC fare. The quirky world of uber-nerd Adam tempest. The boistrous joviality of Dicky Gardner (this week wondering why Mr. T was wasted on advertisng Snickers- Surely the airline B.A. have missed a trick.) Pete Thompson finished the first section with a song urging us to count out blessings - at least were never eaten by dangerous animals, which was a rousing end to a great section.

Ric wharton, is going from strength to strength and developing into a surprisingly dark, but very funny act. This week he was both behind the times and cutting edge, getting poy and Simo Weston into the same joke. Danny Jackson made his debut with a very entertaining 5 minutes, on the new trend of Face Book 'it's social pokemon, gotta cAtch them all!' Finally a long missed John Scott was back, with a bumper holiday special and tales of his Roman holiday. John even picked up a smattering of Italian, which sounds quite sophisticated until you work out it's the health warning from his fag packets.

17TH JULY -'LOVE'

With Phil Buckley, Don Moses, Joby and Carl Hutchinson.


A treat tonight as Phil Buckley was performing an Edinburgh Preview show, 'Stroke the Panda!' the tale of Phil's quest to find that special someone, -somone who's up for Panda loving. From dates (speed, blind and just plain awful) to chat up lines, internet matchmakers, and good old friends sticking their oar in.

But that wasn't all. We had Carl with some of his classic material, and he also started a lively topical debate among the crowd- Pickled Onion Monster Munch? Yay or Nay.

Joby was back, he's unlucky with women, pets and chavas- well if you insist on giving them grammar lessons, it's bound to upset them.

Don was back with an amazing new trick- he can guess and write down any word you think of. Unfortunately due to an age related dyslexia, he can't spell it.

JULY 10TH- GREAT BRITONS.

With Jenny Armstrong, Beth Anderson, Adam Tempest, Flash and Sean Turner.

3RD JULY -THE COUNTRY LIFE.

With the regular hosts gigging in Scotland, the show was left in the capable hands of Chris Ramsey. He introduced Don Moses, Carl Hutchinson, The Shameless sketch group, Nolbert Stump and Ric Wharton.

The competition was Farmer's Song book.
Songs whch would appeal to the farming community...

I love you just the way oo 'ar.
Hey, you, get off of my land.

TUE. 26TH JUNE -SUPERHEROES.

Lee Teah, Paull Gerrard, Ging and Joby.


Cal took on the compere duties this week, he was annoyed because he'd just been barred from a myspace page that specialises in 'Your mother's so...' jokes. He told us the joke, which nearly approached high theatre, being the most elaborate 'kiddie fiddler' pun imaginable.

Paul Gerrard gave us another helping from his ever growing sack of 1-liners. Linda McCartney burgers? They must be out of date.

Ging the mirthiless was back again with his impressive stage presence and even more impressive lack of material. One week the competition may well be 'write Ging's act'... actualy that's not a bad idea.

Lee Teah gave us a day in his life, From breakfast in McDonalds to a night at the social, and finished off by expressing his admiration for Beyonce, with the best comedy use of 'Who's the Daddy?' we've ever heard.

Joby, young but ambitious (yes it does say 'The Joby Show.' on his T-shirt) finished off the show with a great set, especially considering he'd just come along to watch.

A short show this week, we simply finished with the competition- new super heroes. Ging and Rick Wharton joined us onstage to act out the efforts of Heart Attack Boy, 1970's Dead Racist Comedian Man, Everything Rhymes man and the Constantly Surprised Avenger to save the earth.

19TH JUNE - CRIME.

80's Luke and James Christopher. -No Camera this week, so apologies to the other guys.


We're coming into the Summer lull and the audience was small this week. Small but perfectly formed as all 5 of them stayed to the end of the show, gave us advice on how to drum up more business and comisserated with the Manchester acts for coming so far for such a small audience. 5 like that are worth a roomful of chatters and hecklers.

Among those travelling up to 50 miles per audience member was James Christopher of York, he actually invented this week's competition, Arnie's terminal put-downs. As the theme is crime, we wanted to celebrate that bad-guy eliminating machine; Heir Swartzenneger. James helped us come up with Arnie style 'death puns' based on occupations...

After shootting an evil a printer 'You have been erased'.

When sword fighting with an evil barber 'Would you like anymore off the top?'

And for an I.T. support officer, who's gun has just jammed, Arnie says 'Did you try turning it off and on again?' But Jame's tough guy image isn't perfect. Inspired to learn Kung-fu, his mum enrolled him for Judo, a purely defensive sport. He can't beat anone up unless they're also wearing a pyjama top with big lapels.

Then came the manchester guys. Kev Rook is going through a midlife crisis, but is there ever a time when it's OK to eat cereal from the box in your pants.

Richards Swan, who we last saw as part of the bizarre 'toothpaste experience' gave us a solo spot. It's the same act, minus the little guy who was even more weird. Brilliant surreal one liners, with a slow motion delivery (which is sometimes needed, as you have to think about some of these lines.)

80's Luke was here, and we learned the origin of his name - it's not that he makes 1980's references, it's because he likes an older lady. That and his Stevie Wonder impersonations are worth the entrance fee alone.

Chris tavener finished up with a notebook of new material, and ended with the best / most unfortunate fraudian slip. Half way between 'Thanks for coming out TO nIGHT / THIS eveing.' Chris finished his act with 'Thanks for coming to this shite.'

-Well, you can't win em all.

12TH JUNE - TRANSPORT

With The Shameless Films Sketch Troupe, David Blair, Don Moses(Not pictured but you all know Don.) Danny Case, Kate Fox and Don Barr.


A wonderful mixed bag of comedy this week - Stand up from Danny Case and David Blair; sketches from shameless; and a few comedy cocktails - Comedy and magic mixed by Don Moses - And stand up with a hint of music and a twist of poetry from Kate fox and Don Barr.

The competition was World's Worst Pilot imagine the worst possible message that could come over the tanoy while at 30,000 feet... We usually give you the winners but today here are some of the ones I've just found which we forgot to read out...

"The second engine's gone, we're going down. And I never wanted to be a pilot anyway, I wanted to be a lumberjack.."

"Big bird has just shat on the windscreen."

"Prepare for warp speed!"

5-June Rock n Roll

Some of the acts this week- Ben Davis; Steffan Peddie; Ging; Sean Mcloughlin.

Al introduced Ben Davis, who got the ball rolling with tales of his failing love life. He knew she was too posh for him when she sliced fruit onto her cereal. Steffan Peddie popped in to give us some new material. The fun of lying to kids - 'Horses eat people!' - then taking them to Heartlepool and seeing the amazement when they find out the story about them hanging the monkey was actually true!

In part two we saw first timer Brian Errick, a fine musician trying his hand at comedy songs for the first time. A promising start, though sometimes we couldn't quite make out the funny lyrics under the impressive guitar playing.
Next up was Ging the Mirthiless. Ging is still working on his unique approach to comedy, which today consisted of walking onstage, sitting down, having a fag, and waiting until the novelty wore off.

Sean McLoughlin stuck to the rock n roll theme and wondered where today's rock heros are. In the 60's was Keith Moon, we've got Jamie Theakston. Last up was was Jobie, possibly our youngest performer ever. He actually knows someone called 'Dirty Sanchez' and he lived up to the name - when someone suggested playing the dubious 'biscuit game' Sanchez had one question,'What Kind of biscuit?'

The competition was Rock n Roll animals. Pete's example was the Led Zep classic 'Whole Otter Love' - which didn't sound that good until he returned to the stage with the tune blaring and a picture of an otter, proving that the song was now ruined for all present. But inspired by such antics we had a bumper crop of top suggestions...

Aerosmith - Love in an alligator.
The Smiths - Shark lifters of the World / This Charming Manatee.
Simply Red - Holding back the ears.

29 May - The Blues.

This week another full crowd! Thanks for coming out. And a great line up onstage, With Tom Mitchell, Adam Tempest, Dave Dynamite, Nish and Chris Ramsey.

Tom Mitchell started us off, with the smoking ban coming he'll finally be rid of lazy smokers asking for a light, at least heroin adicts carry their own equiptment. A nice start to the show from one of the masterminds behind the Belly Rub Sketch group.

Adam Tempest was next up, representing all the hypocondriac comedians out there. Just don't call him a 'hypo' - it sounds like a disease and he'll think he's got it.

Dave Dynamite stepped up to plug a gap in the schedule, and destroyed the mic stand within seconds of getting on the stage, fortunately he also reduced the audience to tears, so we'll forgive him.

Next up was Nish - sent as a substitute by Ed Gamble who had a dicky tummy. Nish turned out to be the super sub, delivering a great set encompassing drive by racism and strategies for getting out of fights, through the use of ballroom dancing.

Finally Chris Ramsey took to the stage with a collection of new material - he's saving his best stuff for next week at the Chillingham- see our monthly gig. Still a great end to a great night.

The theme was 'The Blues' so for the competition Pete and Cal - or Bobby 'torn ligament' Thompson, and Jack 'broken fingers' Cramb (to use their blues names) performed your blues lyrics. Our favourite was

I woke up this morning, my Boyfriend was dead, My PMT was so bad, I'd punched him til he bled. (and it was by a girl too.)