LLC @ The Dog And Parrot 16th March 2010

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LLC @ The Dog And Parrot 16th March 2010

Another crazy night at the Dog and Parrot with George taking up the MC duties again. George started bantering with a fake Will Smith guy and talked about eating brains, as you do. Up first was Paul Gerrard. Commenting on his physical appearance and growing up, with his usual quick fire punchy jokes, with a mix of old and new. Then back to George and his showering habits. Steve Hesse stepped up to the mic next, his 3rd gig. Religious based material, even comparing Gordon Brown to Jesus. That’s quite a comparison. Wearing a target on his shirt, he talked of what flowed his juices and modern art. Very composed for his 3rd gig. Getting better every time he steps up. Break

After the break was Just another minute, with Carlos, Pete Thompson, Dave Macbeth and Callum Cramb. Lots of random banter from the panel, but Dave stormed it to win in the end with his impressive random twittering banter. Then another break.

George got lots of laughs when he wasn’t even doing material, which will confuse his over analylitic brain for weeks probably. He talked about women again his favourite subject of course. Next on stage was Bill Bradley – overweight he said it not me! Talked ladies and punchy observational stuff, travelled along way for what I think was his first gig, quite Impressive. Steve Robertson next, with his zany humour and his “this happened to me but it didn’t cos it’s a joke” lines. He was wearing.....well I’m not allowed to say I’ve been told off for commenting on acts clothes. Heavy punchlines and parental material.

Finally despite George saying it was the end of the night there was time for one more act a homeless Klingon! Yes you read it right and if you were there you’d probably be as baffled and as lost for words as me. Surreal to say the least and he didn’t even need a mic as he bellowed out his set. Sung us the original Klingon version of John Lennon’s Imagine. Did get a lot of laughs though, for whatever reason and it was certainly different! Another strange end to another odd night at the dog and parrot. Random rules!

LLC Review 9th March 2010

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9th March 2010

Another good size audience this week at LLC and plenty of comedy to be squeezed into the night, first up this week and new to stand-up was Rich Pullen, who discussed the dangers of allowing friends to assign you nicknames. Excellent stage presence from the new comer.

Next up, and just back from a successful comedy competition in London, coming in the runners up spot out of 15 in the final london heat was LLC familiar-face Carlos. Many of you who have seen Carlos before may have wondered, what takes place in the life of Carlos to allow for his dark and twisted style of comedy, this week in a group-therapy style of performance Carlos answered that question.

Closing the first section was Nathan Hudson, covering topics from homosexuality, serial-murder and terminal illnesses, all the classics, but then the theme for tonight was death, so we did ask for it.

First in the second section was Andrew Bremmner, another new kid on the comedy block who was able to share with us the mental trauma he had recently suffered following a conversation with his grandma he had never thought he would have. Good stuff.

Just before the second break was Lee Kyle, with more of his unique comedy style giving the front row this week, who may have missed him a few backs, another opportunity to inspect his underwear. The audience were once again unprepared for such events. Brilliant stuff.

Closing the night was Phil Buckley with 30 mins from his new show ‘Jokes not included’ Phil brought us into the world of the lonely Edinburgh comic, and was delighted with the warm response of our audience this week. He admits it was better than other gigs he has performed in which there was once one single audience member and on another occasion an entire front row of CID officers. Needless to say out of those two circumstances he got the better response from the single audience member.

Plenty more comedy ahead for the rest of March, we hope to see you all again soon.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 2nd March 2010

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One of the biggest audiences we’ve had this year turned up, I hope it wasn’t to see sitcom legend Gary Colman, because it wasn’t him. It was Newcastle’s very own Gary Colman. George was MC for the second week in a row and you can tell he loves it. Starting off where we meant to go on with kiddie based puns from the audience and random filth. Gary came on first; he didn’t use the mic for some reason even though the room was full, so I confess I couldn’t really hear him. Maybe he’d heard about my reviews. Anyways he talked about being in a ropey play, gay guys in the gym and tried new stuff. Next was Paul Gerrard, with his quick fire pun age and bang on form tonight. The crowd lapped up his one liners. Good gig for Paul. Phil Golder on next...no one told him though so he was a bit startled, still he got his act together all the same and did observational humour, he’s not a rapist or a woman believe it or not. Decent set.

Up after the first break George was eating cake from a crowd member and talking on stage a combination that strangely worked. George tried to chat up a foreign girl, never one to let power go to his head! Next up Sharon Race on statistics and tried and tested stuff. Callum Cramb on next, who’s no stranger to controversy, with his dark surreal one liners, some new stuff and even a comment on the Chile disaster, a good mix of old and new stuff. Chris Errington next, with his off the wall edgy humour. Half of double act Pirate Chat, he talked in destiny child lyrics, games to play with taxi drivers, celebs the menace that is the BFG and what if computer games were films. Clever stuff.

After another break We had two more acts, Steve Hesse a graduate of George’s pre-gig workshop, only his second gig and he struggled a bit to be honest, but it’s early days and he shows great potential. Referenced Wikipedia, Justin Lee Collins, teenager’s counselling adults. George commented “completely mental as you see there”. Steve had a few stutters at the start, but regained it for the end. Like they said to Patrick Swayze, don’t give up the ghost Steve.

Last but not least was Carlos the night’s third skinhead, not that we are a neo-Nazi club or anything. More dark comedy from the one name act, comparing comedy to male fashion. Came on in a women’s coat, but apparently his cross dressing days are behind him now. Lots of one liner’s, some worked some didn’t, some even got big laughs because they spectacularly didn’t work. Get’s accused of being a bit gay but also looking a bit weird. Talked about music of today and he’s no spice girls fan either! He also talked about dead celebs of last year and more jokes based on current media stories. Apparently according to George, he reviews the gig afterwards as well. Here’s hoping he doesn’t review himself because that would be weird. George said he is “amazing” never short of sarcasm.

An Interesting night was had. Come back next week and see Phil Buckley off of the tele for only £2, bargain!

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Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 16th Feb 2010

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George has finally got his emcee slot back, He won’t want to give that up when Dan gets back, if there’s a club left when he comes back (joking George). He’s improved a lot as an emcee and this week was no exception. Nice to see a busy crowd this week. George talked politics and his attitude to foreigners *cough*.

Up first was Keara Murphy fresh from the hyena and the king’s manor where some insensitive comedian had made a joke about her heavily ovulating before the menopause after she’d left. Can’t think who that was... anyways back to the gig. Keara talked about being a student, how England’s a holiday for her and the joys of her home town of Glasgow and her mums love of Irish men. Highly entertaining. Next up was Phil Golder, who’s 30 (it’s not the end only the beginning of the end Phil!) Talked of his loathing for children, his boredom and caution of porn and talked of old age home in the style of big brother. Good this week Phil you can quote me on that. The first break followed.

George gave us stories of cannabis possession and arrests and took Dan’s mantle in trying to sex the audience (usually women), no doubt from that all famous emcee’s sex offender’s guide. He talked about his one night stand and subsequent elaborate new day get out clause, that’s the problem with having a women stay over at your place, a premature evacuation won’t do you any favours. Next up was Lee Kyle with his preacher man /Amish/ Jew look dressed head to toe in black. His cat died, he showed us his stained pants (fake we hope!). Weird, quirky comedy and controversial with awkward silences, but got laughs anyway. Holding your shoes in the air and looking like a human scare crow / eye picture has never been so strangely entertaining. Not for everyone, but certainly different and a brave choice. I’ve never seen an ending quite like that before.

Next was Jared he’s a mummy’s boy, talked dance and politics and about having kids of your own and being a father. He has too many facebook friends (don’t we all). Energetic performance. Calum Cramb up next scarred for life jokes (whatever that mean don’t ask me I don’t understand my notes!) he talked about his conversation with a chav outside trying to bum a tab and tried new stuff including some Haiti material! Brave, but still the best Haiti stuff I’ve heard so far. Break.


John Barker (Boris Johnson) strolled on the stage with his bumbling conservative satire, dressed like an Eskimo. Mental ramblings in a comedy stylee. Maybe a little too realistic! Up next Sharon Race talking about Valentine’s Day, teacher training and new stuff such as names for genitalia. We still never got that song though Sharon! We’ll hold you to it one day.... Special end appearance from Dickie Gardner with two minutes of untried one liner’s, I knew it only took a minute or two anyway! (It’s late I should have been in bed a long time ago!) He also talked about pre nuptial contracted drunken sex and finally there was enough time for George to end on a one liner that he managed to do twice. Good night? It was indeed and now it’s my bedtime.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 9th Feb 2010

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Dan Emceed with more George ribbing, one might hasten to think George is happy Dan’s buggering off to Australia for a while, but that would be cynical thinking. Dan talked about his time as Gloria Huniford’s warm up act. I presume he meant only in a professional capacity anyway.

Up first was Nick Cranston, the filth without his fury this week. Chatting up the regulars on the front row trying and failing where so many (including George and Dan) have already failed. Nick talked about strip clubs making them sound even seedier than even I remembered them to be. Starting from the lowest ebb is a good place as the only way is up (or less crude at least!) He asked what would you do for a million pounds? More like what wouldn’t we do! Up next Veteran of long live Paul Gerrard with more one liners, probably one of the most prolific one liner joke tellers in the north east. Exposing us to more of his strange but intriguing inner world. Next Conner Pierce, his second ever gig, improved from his first and his second was better than my second anyway! He talked about astrology and the holocaust, cheery stuff. Still nice to see he’d written and performed more than one joke this time (owww catty, just kidding Pierce it’s tough when you’re new!) he was followed by a very welcomed beer Break.

Dan came back with more tales of his misspent sexual youth. Up next was Paul Hayman, all suited and booted, speech impediment humour is that rare comic gem that thankfully worked really well for him. Looking forward to seeing him again at LLC. He used age based material and talked about relationships, really lifted a jaded room on a quiet night crowd-wise. More George ribbing from Dan, blatantly borderline tries to pimp out the front row. They weren’t impressed, but still you always pay for it.....just not always directly and not always with money! Another break.

Jared up next with a bright yellow shirt which blinded the crowd and a nice suit to go with it. His mum still helps him out with his clothes bless. Talked about the got to get em all nature of facebook and his relatives on facebook. Last up was Ian Todd, talking classified ads (that he’d made up), wearing a tracksuit top and genes bottom an odd combination; I’m missing his Freddy Kruger look he stole off me already. Always the entertainer.

LLC Review 2nd February 2010

Long Live Comedy @ Dog and Parrot 2nd February 2010

Dan was emcee again tonight, probably just to stop George doing it (he’s pedantic like that you know). This week he decided to try other peoples jokes to see if we guessed who’s they were correctly, we didn’t. He was leeching on young women as usual; girls over 27 need not apply! Still he did crucify George and better him than me (that was last week and probably every week after he reads this). Anyway back to the acts.

First up was Phil Golder, back from a long absence with some new material. He talked up Afghanistan and got a lot of laughs out of blowing his nose, always a good comedic action I find. Not a bad return at all. James Christopher next, more Afghan jokes; he’s always getting compared to other people by the way he looks, so I won’t add to it this week. It was a tight set with lots of new stuff. Nice Trench coat too.

Up after the break was just another minute (don’t sue us). Sharon tried to host, God bless her and at least she gave it a go! I think a review of the rules before hand would have been handy! On the panel was Dickie Gardner, Steve Hesse, George Zach and Pete Thompson (former champion, but came last I think this time!) Topics included: haemorrhoids, Tiles, French Cheese, Greece and Porn (the last two of course George is excelled in). Of course George won he can rant for Greece!

So another break and back into the acts, Dickie Gardner kicked us off with the idea of

A rape alarm for a present (not his idea I stress!), the art of overhearing comments and conversations and other tip bits, a short set tonight but quite Sharpe. Dan then talked about space docking (you don’t want to know) and putting poo in a condom (it’s a gay thing apparently!). Last but not least was Sharon Race, now some people think I’m racist, I’m not I quite like Sharon Race, she may struggle to use a timer, be unable to add up basic numbers but she probably does a mean curry (that’s a joke don’t write in and complain!) she whizzed through as we were running short, but managed to do some new chav based material and recovered well from the just a minute mishap earlier. It’s all learning Sharon!

LLC Review 26th January 2010

Dog and Parrot Long live Comedy 26th January 2009

Dan was back to emcee again with more wicked stories of his misspent January. Up first was Nick Cranston with his usual filth, including masturbation material and he was the first to start calling the girl with the tattoos on her leg, legs girl, which continued throughout the night much to her grievance. Next up was Connor Pierce who talked adverts, looking very casual, with frizzy ginger hair . Made the mistake of asking the audience who he could impersonate getting the inevitable reply of Mick Hucknell. Still not bad for a first gig.

After the break was John Barker, doing his lets learn English sketch. Sounding as Alan Partridge as ever all in dark with his brother on stage, the first of the night to say “Haiti” brave, but amusing. Kevin Wikinson up next, another newbie who was taking to the stage for the first time. Masturbation and dogs were on the menu and he got a big laugh as he came on stage, unfortunately it was not for him it was for legs girl falling down and doing the splits as she tried to leave the room. There’s something about this place that attracts extremely drunk women, but as Dan said we all still would. Still Kevin recovered the focus and had quite a good set. Dan then talked about relationships before Sharon Race took to the stage. Wearing a scarf, she tried some new stuff, informing us of how Newcastle fairs in the national polls, along with the usual call centre banter.

Another break, Up next was Carlos (who didn’t look quite as rapey as Dan had made out) who proceeded to raise the tone of the night...oh no wait sorry this was Carlos, he shared with us some of the darker analogies he had pondered this Christmas and revealed interesting truths regarding tasks he deems suitable for his mother to carry out. He seemed to have genuinely disturbed the two girls at the front, who were obviously unaware of the good doctor’s reputation.

then finishing the night was Simon Buglass, ex Byker groove (sort of) wearing his trademark flat cap he talked life, love (or singleness) why he’s still single and Susan Boyle. An eventful night as usual, don’t you just love drunk women.

LLC Review 19th January 2010

January 19th

Another jam packed room this week, 2010 has so far brought plenty of people to LLC at the Dog and Parrot (Well apart from the January 5th audience no show, but the first rule of LLC club is that you don’t talk about January 5th! The second rule of LLC club is that you DO NOT talk about January 5th!! And the third rule is something about mobiles). A variety of styles complementing tonight’s bill. George Zach was up again as MC discussing his love for the snow in this country even if it does worry his poor mother back home in Greece.

LLC regular Paul Gerrard stepped up first this week and instead of his normal routine of quick-fire one liners, Paul opened the show well by revealing dark truths of his budget holidays.

It’s that time of year again where Simon Cowell and his buzzer-happy associates trawl the length and breadth of the country in search of those who can prove that Britain’s got talent. Stepping up to the challenge this year is Flash. In preparation for the ITV show, Flash treated us to what he has prepared for the 3 minute audition. A stylish mix of magic and comedy, which added a touch of pizzazz to a Tuesday night. Great stuff. We wish him the best of luck.

Next up, all the way from Leeds was Rob Alexander providing us with his brand of dark political humour. Excellently written and performed well, but unfortunately it seemed at times perhaps too dark or political for this week’s audience. But he finished very well with some audience involvement.

Taking the microphone next was newcomer to the comedy scene, Matt Pottinger, talking first of the limitations facing observational comedians in this digital age, before taking us on flights of whimsy with some hard hitting aggression thrown into the mix too. An excellent set that had the audience in stitches.

Keeping the crowd laughing next was Jared Jess-Cooke with material on the antics of the different generations of his family. Great stuff.

Christopher Errington followed by allowing us into the world of his dreams and throwing in more childhood pop-culture references that once again went straight over George’s head. It appeared tonight’s theme was not ‘Fantasy’ as stated, but rather ‘references that will confuse George’ which turned out to prove much funnier. But nonetheless George wasn’t phased by this as he was on his game tonight as MC.

The show was due to finish here, but out of the norm at LLC the gig was actually running ahead of time, so closing tonight with an impromptu set was Dickie Gardner who looking like he just stepped out of a twilight film with his ‘bling’ had a pretty good set. He Talked about his relationships with his family and the perils of going to gay bars in a disturbing, but interesting style.

A great show overall tonight and we hope to keep seeing big audiences in the following weeks.

Long Live Comedy Review 12th January 2010

Review of 12th January llc@the dog and parrot

A direct contrast to last weeks empty gig which was a result of the weather no doubt saw the place jam packed, I guess there’s only so much crap TV you can put up with in January! Dan Willis was back to his usual Mc slot and believe it or not sober as a judge for a change, he's detoxing. So he had a great Christmas!

First up was Christian Steele - An actor/stand up believe it or not! a regular on the pro circuit and back up the north east especially to try new stuff! He talked about Christmas shenanigans, Cheryl Cole. He was all in black with a flat cap I don’t know who died but not him he was great as usual. Next was James beck, one of the first of many newbie’s on the night, Only his 3rd gig he talked about the catholic faith and going to hell.

Dan then explained about how two girls made a horror porno using mar bars (you don't want to know really). Next up was Harley he put on a brave show for someone new to the scene, tried something different along the lines of radical Afghanistan fundamentalism, it didn't really work, but you got to try new things in comedy and he gave it his best shot.

Up after the first break was James Christopher a long live regular with this week the shoes of a witch from the wizard of oz films i think but white! He talked about bullying, tactical gayness and his new girlfriend. Up next Martin Graham only his 2nd ever gig, wearing a stripy top he talked about dogs and being a student in a confident way pretty good going. Then there was Dickie Gardner another regular trying some new musical comedy about an old woman and dedicated it to his mate who’s birthday it was while simultaneously taking the piss out of him, very good set.

After the final break was Steve Hesse his first gig where he seemed very confident and comfortable on stage talking about the taxi driver who drove him to the cancelled gig the previous week, talked about the problem with having your birthday in December all looking very Justin Lee Collins. Lee Chamberlain was next, no stranger to the club; he talked about underwear, the internet and had some real snappy jokes up his sleeve. Finally stepped up George Zach the Greek wonder kid, who managed to wedge his way onto the bill at the last minute, he overran but was funny all the same he talked about his mum, ethnicity, avatar and food. It was a good start to a year of comedy at the dog and parrot.

LLC Review 15th December 2009

LLC Review 15th December 2009


The penultimate longlivecomedy weekly of the year saw Sharon Race take the emcee slot in preparation for her monthly ladies only act night at the telegraph. Her first task was to introduce regular emcee and grinning idiot Dan Willis, who despite being drunk again (for a change!) delivered a good pro set. He was on the shandy’s apparently, he must have had more than 20. He talked about the dangers of gigs in the middle of nowhere and hospital disaster stories. Next up Nathan Hudson, who has been to LLC a few times now and only gets better. Nathan looked sleek as he talked about beer percentages, women and computers.

Up after the break Paul Gerrard, wearing a nice bright pink shirt. Looking very uncle fester at this time of the year. Talked about chav’s and tried out mostly new material, LLC’s very own shotgun one-liner. Then there was Matt Burrows, new on the scene, talking about twilight and Christmas. He said the word pussy, but it so didn’t suit his little innocent looking posh face; it was only his 2nd gig.

The final break brought Steve Robertson, dressed very smartly, like a priest. Known for the time he performed hammered, even leaving his keys on the stage! This time he was sober-ish and ranted throughout his set, he did a recap of 2009 and slagged Jordan off big style and reviewed twilight. Next up Lee Kyle Twirled Sharon around on his entry to the stage and was another suited and booted act. Dragged the tone down but it style! He did really well for a new guy on the scene.

Finally it was Carlos, who was talking about women. Regular performer at the club and no stranger to controversy. Women confuse him; he talked about his relationships with women throughout his life, keeping the tone to the same level as the previous act Lee Kyle, pushing down the barriers of taste. Putting in a good set ending another good night down the dog and parrot. We even finished just before 11 this week for a change. Next week covers night!

gig review 8th December 2009

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 8th of December 2009

George Zach was emcee tonight adding his charm for only the second time at longlivecomedy. Not that you’d know that, as he owned the stage. Dan being out of his face was a mere coincidence. He wore a nice bright yellow t-shirt so we could all see him, how kind. Sharon Race was on form, but wasn’t happy with George’s introduction of “she’s pretty funny.” She humoured us about condoms and call centres. Sean Gorman next up, ex magician and stadium performer succumbing to the call of comedy. He was dressed stylishly and talked about sex lists. Doing a good another good set.

Co Longlivecomedy founder Pete Thompson was up next doing an amusing cover of fuck her gently by tenacious D as he’s away for covers night on the 22nd. Christian Steel was up next, once local pro, now living down south and it showed as he looked dressed for the harsh northern winter. Talked about mediums and driving stand-up comedians around.

Self proclaimed king of comedy Ian Todd up next, Ian took to the stage wearing his famous Freddy Kruger looking t-shirt, half of act pirate chat, he bounced about on the stage like an over enthusiastic child, in his nonchalant hyperactive style. On top form tonight, he talked about his love for classified ads amongst other things. Last up was Andrew Arrowsmith as Another just a minute was cancelled ironically at the last minute due to the start being the last minute before 11. Next time gadget. Andrew looked the part even wearing a tie, while talking about the perils of Tiger Woods and other new material. Next weeks the penultimate longlivecomedy outing of the year, followed by our Christmas special covers night.

Gig Review 1st December 2009

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 1st of December 2009

Another busy night at the dog and parrot saw Dan Willis take back his mantle as the regular Emcee for the night. You may have thought the theme of the night was animals from the comic’s sets, but this was just another one of many longlivecomedy coincidences. Nice to see a guy dressed as a zebra on the front row, I wonder if his Gran knitted him that garment.

So onto the acts, Peter Brush was first up with a Woody Allen like appearance. Throwing a few snappy one liners out there to the baiting crowd. He had a very dry self depreciating humour which seemed to work well with his persona. Next up was James Maynard who talked about older women the sexuality of cats and the snake that ate itself, quite confident for only his fourth ever gig.

After the first break We had longlivecomedy regular Michael Shields, who is always the creative artist trying out new things, no props this week he’s waiting for Christmas. He talked about his literal and non literal love of animals. Next up Dickie Gardner, a long serving dog and parrot regular who only gets better. Looking very like a cross between MacGyver and some guy out of twilight he is science apparently! He not anti anti religion that’s for sure and he does wonder if Moses was actually quite camp.

So after the final break we had the headlining act of the once local now London living Gary Colman (no not the American one) who’s currently touring his “Gary Colman is very rarely rong” show. He talked about being a have a go hero in Hackney, Dolphins, the sexuality of animals and what to do if you’re ever faced with a grizzly bear Canada style!

Gig Review 24th November 2009

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 24th of November 2009

Last week’s gig review

Well it was a packed night at the Dog and Parrot tonight you even had to queue for drinks! The notepad with comments on went missing this week so I will recap what I can from memory!

This week John Smith was comparing and did his hardest to aggravate the audience, especially the front row. His aggressive and nonchalant style was raising a few eyebrows, but he did well for a last minute thing. Dan Willis took a rest from Comparing and did a nice quick set, Paul Gerrard rattled through his set as usual with the fastest gag rate since Tim Vine. Sharon Race managed to fend off a heckler with great Style and Alan Fletcher was back after a long break and showed how much he's improved from his very first gigs which were also at the D+P.

Lee Kyle did well to make himself heard despite the problems with the mike.
Jared had a load of friends at the gig and they loved his stuff, his Ariel presence was strong indeed. Matt Pottinger couldn't use the broken mike so he just shouted his set which for his 2nd gig showed a lot of promise. Finally Nick Cranston closed the night with his usual foul offensive but amusing level of self depreciation. Yet again pointing out that no one understands women, not even women. More detailed gigs again when I find my notepad!

November 17th

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 17th of November 2009

A relatively busy night at the dog and parrot tonight as people are already looking towards the Christmas holidays, sadists but people all the same. Dan Willis was comparing again tonight and managed to whip the crowd in to a relative frenzy on occasion, while he discovered that schools no longer have nit nurses, so watch your hair people.

First up was Khan Johnson commenting on the economy this side and the other side of the Atlantic. His aggressive pace was quite captivating as he pointed out the problems with the star wars series of films and his disgust at the new pooh bear stories. Next up was Tony Basnett with a tight set, he’s from Hartlepool you know and is anti talk talk and points out the perils of playing fuck you roulette.
After the break Faye Burnell, who has a confident swagger even if she is lost when it comes to talking with strangers. Pondering what it is like to be royalty and contemplating which career path to pursue in the current economical crisis. Next up Dave Dynamite the veteran cockney nutter who is a true pro on the comedy circuit and had a great set, Dave too used to live in Hartlepool though only god knows why. Chris Errington next who likes to play bury your dad in the sand, is confused between fiction and reality and told us the worst things you could ever say to a taxi driver.

After the final break was Joe McLachlan who just so happened to be sat next to another Joe McLaughlin who he didn’t know, highlighting the weirdly randomness of the club. He gets shouted at, but not he’s a giant or anything. Joe talked about man-ly ice crèmes and hells angels and took pictures because he was forced to! The penultimate act of the night was Andrew Bremner who did quite well for a new comedian on the scene and he’s still only out of college playing only his second ever gig. Traffic cones and pandas were his main subjects as he questioned his own confusion. Last up was Dog and Parrot regular Carlos, who Dan commented “you’ll have never seen anyone like this before”. He thought Adam was a priest to confess his sins to and talked about his quiet disturbing recent miss haps, his ceiling fell in on his bed luckily he was on the internet at the time. Can men and women just be friends? And what do you buy a girl who has everything, for Christmas? He’s been talking to tramps and warns us to beware of bathroom mints! Watch out Peter Sutcliffe there’s someone new in town.

Finally a new review! - 3rd of Nov 2009

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 3rd of November 2009

A fairly busy night for November saw George Zach back for his debut Emc gig, “bare with me if I’m a bit shit” he said and it’s true that he started off slow, but before long he was spouting about the parallels between artificial insemination and date rape, classic Zach territory. If you heckle him can you do it slowly and don’t expect him to know who Terry Pratchet is he’s Greek you know.

So onto the acts of the night, kicking us off tonight was the excellent Dan Willis and even though there were only two women in the crowd, neither single, it didn’t stop him having a try! Dan even managed to find some positives in the men’s toilet which is no mean feat! And he doesn’t mind admitting that he loves his mother.

Next up was James Christopher, a veteran of the open mic scene he really made an effort to look the part, suited and booted. Self proclaimed Proclaimers/Dr Who crossbreed that certainly doesn’t like the daily mail and is envious of his gran who has been on TV simply for being locked into a toilet for a night and apparently there’s nothing worse than an IT illiterate paedophile.

After the break was Michael Shields who is truly dedicated to his art and will not pass up the opportunity of water on stage when he needs to wash his hair! He doesn’t understand the job market; we think he’s not alone there. Next up was Matt (didn’t catch his surname), doing his first ever gig, he isn’t shy apparently he’s just lazy. He stated the pitfalls of being ‘polite’ and being a Newcastle United fan, but not a Mike Ashley fan. He shares R Kelly’s optimism on human flight and apparently has a very long ‘extra’ leg.

Up after the final break was Harry Bentley only his 2nd gig but already showing signs of a bright future even if he goes to Teesside University . He definitely suited the pirate look, even if he was bitten by Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen as a child. He has a competitive dad who like most men gets bored when shopping and insists we all add him to Facebook. Watch out for this one!

Closing the night was Dickie Gardner who thinks no matter what you think of Josef Fritzl at least he doesn’t charge board and rent. Dickie doesn’t get women, I don’t think anyone does and apparently McDonalds in Grainger Street is where to see a real life re-enactment of the Jeremy Kyle show. He ended the night with a touching is somewhat disturbing coming of age comedy song about childhood experience. It was a great night and for everyone’s information, that’s not soap on the sinks in the toilet they are toilet mints, the joke it seems is very much on us.

TUE 16th Sep. - Adverts.

Tue 16th Sep ADVERTISING -A packed night tonight- the fullest LLC has ever been. Compere Paul Gerrard was talking annoying ads with new acts Tony Jameson and Lewis Gray (pictured), and Nick Cranston. When new acts are making up most of the show, we can get worried but these were amazing first attempts. Tony's flights of fancy in an Eddie Izzard style and Lewis' rambling style in particular were impressive. Regular Sean McLoughlin started the night in assured style as usual, and local DJ Graham Mack finished the night in fine style.

The competition was- Are you a marketing guru? We've got an exciting new product, can you sell it? It was a nail in a bag and Pete made a quick presentation to get the brainstorming ideas flowing.

TUESDAY AUGUST 5TH.

Aug 5th The Animals of Butter Bridge.
Our last Edinbrough preview, the sketch troupe try out their show 'Joe Levi's Short Stories.' We saw one of the 3 stories that the animals will be performing in Edinburgh, a tale of the search for fame and the desire to be the greatest punch and judy man ever. Wow - a proper mini play on our wee stage. Also appearing were Alistair Greaves, John Scott, James Christopher, Graham Mack.

Tue 29th- PHIL BUCKLEY

29th July Phil Buckley Laughable.
-Phil's new edinburgh show following on from last year's 'Stroke the Panda'. With compere Paul Gerrard chit chatting to the audience, support from John Scott honing new material, Anthony P and Patrick Devine and Pete Thompson playing comedy songs through his Nintendo DS.

July 15 / 22 The Dog Eared Collective / Justin Moorhouse.

The Dog Eared Collective.
The edinburgh festival previews continue. This week a troupe of actor/comedians pitted hilarious sketches against each other. It was a comedy smack down! Ahhh! In a show encompassing the art of shadow puppetry, and a lecture on STD's which seemed to be aimed at the under 5's (beware the herpes dwarf!) the dog eared collective gave us a little bit of everything. Paul Gerrard was trying his hand as compere for the first time - and overcame the nerves with a sterling effort. Carl Hutchinson and John Whale appeared as Jimmy & Jackie (think Cannon and Ball after the BBC stopped calling)stopping off at the dog and parrot from their sold out Laz Veegaz tooah. Greg Larmouth, Stephen Baines and Graham Mack all chipped in with the funnies too.

And on the 22nd Justin Moorhouse appeared in his new show -'Ever decreasing Social Circles.' We've had a great crop of previews from performers we're (frankly) lucky to get at our small club and Justin was another big name with a great show. Justin's show whittles down his friends, from the 600 he has according to Facebook, to 5 he can call on in a crisis. We were all sucked in and desperate to get the questions right and stay in with a chance of being Justin's newest pal.

With Chris Ramsey, Ben Sayers and Paul Schmitz all trying out some great new material and oldest member Barry was back on stage as alter-ego Arthur Fernshuttle- always a treat.

July 8th Matt Tiller - Tillerpop!

8th Matt Tiller
Matt Tiller, comedy song writer, in an hour long preview of his new show. A great night despite the technical hitches (matt brought his brand new projector 200 miles just to play us the windows close-down music.) With support from Dutchman Wouter Meijs, Eddie O'Dwyer and Liam Mcleod.

Why is our picture here? Well It's been relegated after the comments of 'ourman' - "Please please - I never want to see that pic again. Would you want to see these people by only seeing the picture? They all look so incredibly smug. I swear, that picture haunts me. Can't they get a new picture?"

We wouldn't normally give in to blackmail from a single internerd, but he does represent 100% of the feedback we've had in the last 3 months. So maybe we do need a new picture. One with me in the middle, looking more smug than you can possibly imagine.