27th March. The Unexplained.

With Compere Al Dawes, 80s Luke, Danny Case, Mr. Arthur Fernshuttle.


Also with Don Moses, The Flash and Ging (who had a bad gig but never showed his disappointment.)


Newly shaven Al was host this week, and had unpredictable results from the start. Even using the compere standard question 'what's your name?' didn't go smoothly. The first two girls Al spoke to were both called Laura, which caused insant confusion. Al then dicovered a Glyniss who couldn't pronounce her own name 'I can't say it, but it's like Guiness with an L' she explained.

80s Luke was up first, conscious of his weight, and with a raft of one liners 'My girlfriend spiked my drink- with Slimfast.' He's also developing a range of new toys. How about Mr Dictator Head, -essentially a potato with a Sadam Hussein moustache.

Danny Case made his LLC debut, lamenting life as a 19 year old student with a 35 year old face. But he obviously doesn't live up to the maturity of his looks, 'Budweiser, that's the beer that makes you talk to your shoes at bus stops.'

A real treat now as we finally cajoled one of our regulars into taking the stage. Barry appeared as Mr. Arthur Fernshuttle, Gateshead's premier upholsterer (never knowingly understuffed) He was happy to be in Newcastle, or the 'Gateshead of the North' as it likes to be known. A great performance, peppered with beautifully worded phrases. We can't remember them, but they were good.

The Flash wowed us with a new take on the simple cup and ball trick. Man, that guy can handle his balls. And where did that lime come from?

As a professonal entertainer (unlike us amateurs) Don Moses can watch the same TV as the students. He was back with tales of the delights of Jeremy Kyle (For people who think Trisha is a bit to cerebral.)

Up to now there hadn't been much on our theme of the unexplained. But Ging the Mirthiless was headlining, and 2 weeks ago he'd said 'Oh, Can I do that 'unexplained' theme, I've got a great book and I've got loads of material for it.' Cut to the night in question. 'I lost the book, I'll just wing it.' And wing it he did. And lo, the wing fell off and he did roll from the stage and lie in a heap of his own untapped potential. The most remarkable thing was how long the audience chuckled along quite happily, before realising he had no material. Ging has a very good stage persona, and one of these days he will turn up with some material to match it and will be cheered to the rafters. One day.

20th March - This week in History.

Some of our stars this week, Ashley Frieze, Lee Chamberlin, and Don Moses.

Also appearing were Tom Mitchell and romantic novelist Selsdon Crupp.

York's James Christopher was compereing the first section again and warned us of the dangers of making improtant anouncements when Eastenders is about to finish. (Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun!) It makes things sound more dramatic than they are and may cause cockneyism. He introduced Tom Mitchell (of the fabulous sketch group Belly Rub) was flying solo this week with his stand up- he wondered why smokers are so disorganised, smack addicts don't ask you for a syringe.
Don Moses was back, wondering why football dugouts are now called 'technical areas' - there's nothing very technical about telling someone to f@&*($ hit it.

Pete was compere for the rest of the night, and soon abandonned his 'this week in history' themed material- it turned out to be informative but not funny, which is why no one else had bothered with it. Instead he got stuck in the logical problems of 'ripping the piss' put of someone for going to the toilet - are you actually helping them? The plucky recipient was Seb Proudfoot, and came in for more abuse when we pondered how he got his name. 'Well, I'm a baker, so I'll be Joe Baker. What about Seb?' 'Well, he's very proud of his feet.' Cheers Seb.

Lee Chamberlain has been unlucky in love. He did meet a nice girl on line. From Thailand. Called Dave. A nice set from a nice bloke, making an overdue return after his first LLC gig last year.

Finally, Ashley Freize was the first musical act we've had in ages. Songs of bum love, stalkers, and the horror that is eurovision. All in one jolly, guitar stummin' package.

13th March. Travel.

With Chris Martin, Adam Tempest, Paul Gerrard, Sean Mcloughlin, Dicky and Vladamir McTavish. (And Stu Robertson, who got the no photo short straw.)

Chris Martin was special guest host this week, and a blinding job he did. Chris certainly mined some comedy gold out of this week's audience, we had the Hexam dog fighting league (they don't make dogs fight each other- that would be cruel. They just fight the dogs themselves.)

Adam tempest was up first, on his second gig, but very promising. At one point we thought he might be a racist, but he actually meant to say 'foxes' not 'chinese'. King of one liners, Paul Gerrard, was back, and exploiting his striking resemblance to Britney Spears. Sean Mcloughlin returned- self derprication and illusions of grandure in one paradoxical passage. He claimed to be born in bethlehem, but later admitted his child psychologist feared for his mental health, as she'd never seen so much radiohead in one bedroom. Stu Robertson was back, with a solid routine rather than his usual last minute ramble. He's the closest we get to a social conscience, Stu highlighted the case of the Jamaican woman who's being deported- even though both her sons are soldiers who've served in Iraq. To lessen the imigrant burden Stu offered to go to Afganistan himself (why should people trafficers go back with an empty van) he doesn't have much on. Dicky, with the Hexam possie in tow, introduced us to the world of pornographic mime- an untapped genre. Finishing off was Vladamir Mc Tavish, he was delighted to be in newcastle- because he could actually smoke indoors.

The competition was this old joke...

My Wife went on holiday.
Jamaica?
No, She went of her own accord.

Alaska?
There's no need to ask her, I've just told you.

Chris didn't have much faith in it, saying 'I think those are the only 2 that work, If anyone gets another one I'll buy them a drink.' And true enough answers were thin on the ground but the victor was;

Madagascar?
No, she wasn't mad so I didn't gas her.

You wags!

6th March -Our Birthday.

Yes. We were 1 year old this week, and to celebrate the occassion we had Sean Moran, Tim Craven, Ross Nolan, Phil Buckley and Belly Rub and headliner Sahrah Millican (Outdoing everyone with her diamonte clown nose.)


Cal was compere tonight, and had to work hard as there were performing arts tutors in the front row, including a voice coach, so call had to watch his r's. On another note he'd heard that hot baths are bad for the sperm count. Cal's not ready for kids so he's considering squating over the stuve and boiling his spuds (ooh, we're a classy buch at the LLC.)

A packed bill tonight, and dave dynamite was squeezed in at the last minute too (making up for the times he's been here and played to 2 blokes and a dog) A great high-energy start. But By the way Dave, 'bundle' is called 'pile on' in the North.

Sean Moran is a nice guy - But is that an impressive thing? It's a lot easier to be nice than a philandering heart-breaking bastard. Still, the crowd loved him. They offered to take him for a romantic night out.

Tim Craven wowed us with a song he's writing for his girlfriend. But he didn't bring his guitar so it was a poem basically. But it didn't ryhme or scan. So it was some words. Anyway, among the many ways he shows his love was running the tap until the water gets cold- so his lady love is free of tepid squash anguish. Brill.

-more later.... as I've got to go to work, and this is where Al took over writing notes and I can't read his writing.





Following a break we had the slightly loopy ramblings of Ross Nelson in front of his tutor and the aforementioned voice coach. Ross was the least experienced comic on the bill by some distance, but managed to ride the good feeling of our excellent start.

Next up, Belly Rub - local sketch group, go see their show in the cumberland arms at the end of March - gave us some of their old favourites. I don't wish to ruin the surprise of their night. I would just heartily recommend them.

Phil Buckley chatted to us about life and love, with a lovely stage presence and some killer chatup lines - he was one of our first invaders from outside Newcastle back in April, it was great to have him back.

Finally TLSM (the lovely Sarah Millican) popped onto stage and just spouted some musings she had had over the last few weeks, which was far and away funnier and better than the rest of us with our material that took 2 years to polish! She was brilliant as ever, and we can't wait until she is back again!

25th Feb Myspace.

This week's theme was Myspace, so thanks to Tom who made it all possible.
With Don Moses, Chris Ramsey, Ric Wharton, Callum, Al and Pete.


Pete was compere this week, and was not the best choice as he hates myspace. He's only got 5 friends, and that's counting Tom- the owner of myspace. He's friends with everyone on myspace. Pete suggested that when he sells the site to google we should all turn up at his california mansion. 'Who are you?' 'It's us Tom, your friends!'

Ric Wharton was back with an odd new form of masochism, wanting Jeremy Kyle to treat you like the dirty underclass scum you are!

Don Moses is too sensible (old?) for myspace, and anyway he's got real friends. Another great 5 minutes of new material, Don's going to have to come back soon to headline with his best bits, or take over the compere duties for a night- god knows we could do with a rest.

A few late cancelations meant we were a few acts short. No problem. Now that we have one compere, we have two of Newcastle's finest in constant reserve- Al and Cal stepped into the breach. Al's healthy lifestyle still has him drifting off the rails from time to time - we all get drunk and forget our keys, only Al could get drunk enough to forget his keys, break in, forget he's broken in and call the police to catch the burglar. Cal was still in full uniform, as he'd just finished work as a Michael Jackson impersonator. Alright postman. He admitted he'd once flipped on the round at a man for snapping his fingers, rather than just saying 'excuse me'. After a hail of abuse, Cal finally noticed that the guy'd had his voice box removed.

This did give Pete an excuse for hs trachiotomy version of Dolly Parton's Joline. Why do only country songs soung good like that?

Finishing off was Chris Ramsey with some brilliant tales of rowdy sheep, and the joys of being a media student- you can watch 'Back to the Future' and call it work. And why DOES someone in a time machine say 'Come on Marty, hurry!'

The competition was Geek's Film Club. We started you off with; 9 and a half geeks; Rear windows. DOS BOOT.- so there was plenty of room for improvement. The winner was American π -is equal to 3.1415926.

As I was compereing I didn't take as many notes as usual, if anyone remembers any more highlights please add comments.