LONG LIVE COMEDY - Weekly!

LLC weekly! 5 YEARS OF COMEDY!

2011-03-29T08:28:00.001-07:00

BEST NORTHERN COMEDY VENUE OF 2007!!!

Long Live Comedy at the Dog and Parrot is a weekly comedy night. And we won a Chortle award for best Northern Comedy Venue.

Every Tuesday at the Dog and Parrot Newcastle, opposite the centre for life. Doors http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif8.15, show show 9-11. Only £2.

AS SEEN ON WWW.GIGGLEBEATS.CO.UK

A NEW PODCAST EPISODE -JUST A MINUTE SEPTEMBER 2010 Recordings from special events at the club are available through Pete's podcast site. Last month we did our version of the radio panel show 'Just a minute' twice. The best bits of both shows are now available. Go and have a listen and you can also subscribe through i-tunes from the podcast site.

NOW ON FACEBOOK.
JOIN OUR GROUP FOR MORE UPDATES AND INFO.

IMPROV SESSIONS - On Tuesdays before the show you can work on material, play games to generate new ideas and generally lark about with resident compere George Zack. Email us and we'll let you know when a session is on.

Back in 2011 - THEMES.
We have an optional theme for each week! Will the comics write some new themed material? Probably not.

(FULL = We can't fit any more acts in. But we do still want an audience!)

PS. We will also be operating on one slot available for pro/semi pro acts who would like to try some new stuff but it will be up for grabs if none of them shows up, so head down and take a chance if you are not on the bill and there is space.

So don't be shy to drop an email for a date that is marked as FULL as most dates have been arranged so that space will be available for people that are lucky enough to be getting money doing what they love)

WE ARE BACK!!!

01/11/11
FULL - Gavin Shepherdson, Ben Lowes-Smith, Johnathan Pelham, Tom Acworth, Dave Haddingam, John Smith

08/11/11
FULL - Tony Barrett, John Scott, James Christopher, Dave Haddingam,

15/11
FULL - Paul Gerrard, Aaron Charlton, Carl Gillespie, Richard Batt, John Scott, Peter Brush, Graham Lee

22/11/11
Phil Harker, Louis Mushandu, Nathan Hudson, Jo Law, Harry Bentley, Johny Mezma

29/11/11
FULL - Andrew Arrowsmith, John Scott, Anthony Morrison, Lee Campbell, JUST A MINUTE

06/12/11
Paul Gerrard, James Christopher, Charlie Sanders, Matthew Greenhough, Dave Haddingam, Andy Fury, John Whale

13/12/11
Rob Walton, Jerry the protest singer, Dave Nietsche, John Thorley

20/12/11
Dave Haddingam, Andy Fury, John Whale,

27/12/11
COVERS NIGHT

03/01/11
John Scott

10/01/11
Simon Bethwick, Christopher Gold

17/01/11
FULL - John Scott, Dave Haddingam, Andy Fury, John Whale, Paul Gerrard, Paul Short

31/01/11
John Scott, Dave Haddingam, Andy Fury, John Whale

14/02/12
Dave Haddingam, Andy Fury, John Whale

28/02/12
Dave Haddingam, Andy Fury, John Whale

>>> CAN I HAVE A GO? <<<

If you've always wanted to try your hand, or you've done a few gigs and want more stage time - just pick a date (please give us several alternative days as the date you choose may be booked by the time we get round to your message) get 5-10 minutes of material ready and drop us a line.

Send an email to longlivecomedy@yahoo.co.uk

Please note - You may have a 3 month wait for a free spot.

LLC 5th year birthday special 22nd March 2011

2011-02-21T23:25:00.000-08:00

Five years is a long time indeed, most bands don't last that long, hell most marriages don't, but Long Live Comedy has been with us a whole 5 years. Five years of Callum, Pete and Al and although Al and Pete have taken a back seat as of late, they joined everyone in the night for the festivities.

The place was rammed! Close to 100 punters in. George Zach was Mc-ing this occasion of course, we wouldn't expect anything else. Gavin Webster was up first, a true gent and one of the brightest comedy personalities in the business, let alone the north east. He mainly did new stuff, commenting 'I did better than even I thought I’d do' modest to the end. After more fictional ex talk from 'even George' was Michael Shields. Who's made quite a name for himself around these parts with his mix of puns, witty lines and physical comedy. He didn’t seem to be phased by the massive audience or his onlooking son, always interesting to watch.

After the first break Andy Fury took to the stage bemused by the vegetables left by Michael. Dynamite new material from the big guy, improving to the nth degree since he started on the scene with some particularly funny lines about fruit juices. Nicola the part Greek Lovett followed Andy, ,with a much improved performance from her first few gigs less than a year ago. Edgy stuff. Co club founder Callum Cramb took the stage next with his alter ego Al Key. Courageous as he tried his greatest hits and misses, which actually worked quite well, if inspiring a lot of “ohhhh” moments, the best moments in comedy if you ask me!

After the final break Kai Humphries hit the stage, another act who started at the club and has still gone onto to having a lot of attention and success on the circuit. Appearing on the Comedy Central channel. Yes LLCs own bona_fide famous person. Kai Performed another great set as usual.

Finally up last was John Scott who has mucked in helping the club along right from the very beginning. Still coming back and offering his services for free despite winning the Scottish act of the year award, his presence is always a joy in the club. Another blinding set of hits with some new stuff to boot. Here's to another 5 years!

LLC 8th Feb 2011

2011-02-21T23:24:00.001-08:00

LLC 8th February

Massive crowd tonight the third bumper crowd in a row, nice to see people leaving the house, despite the drab weather. Dan's last Mc slot at LLC before jetting off to the Australian festivals where he's as famous as Harold bishop. Dan baring his trusty Leather jacket looking like an older version of the guy in Greece. Dan imparted relationship advice on the crowd, before bringing on the first act Phil Harker. Phils polite stage persona is refreshing, his interesting foreign accent was awkwardly funny, he brought vibrant energy to the stage, but was only on a few minutes. Short , but sweet. James Christopher came up next, club veteran came armed with ginger jokes, snappy lines the usual self depreciative qualities a charming Yorkshire man indeed.

Dan quizzed the audience on sex knowledge, very surreal. Nick Hall up first looking nervous, but rising to the challenge of the stage. Snappy lines, feel the heat of the stage, talking satire and the Vatican. Sharon Race up next veteran female LLC gigger with a mix of satire, old and new material. Phil Golder Not to be confused with Howard Lee (though apparently us baldy's all look the same!) More satire, human feeding habits, a little scary standing in the shadows, but it really suited his style. Bang on form, working with the crowd spreading his worldly bleakness.

Callum Cramb up after the final break. Football based comedy, experimenting with some new material. Ian Todd up next with what he says is his last ever comedy gig, lets hope not. A regular of the club over the last few years his quirky style is like no other. Energetic, retro old and new observations of weirdness, looking like a mad professor. He'll be missed. One of his best gigs. Jack Gardner up next with his league of gentleman-esque comedy. A newcomer to the solo stand up scene having performed with the sketch group The Animals Of Butterbridge for the last few years. Weird, eerie and inappropriately wrong! With lots of unconformable laughter from the audience following his material. Observations comedy of things that have never actually been observed, which seemed to be a running theme tonight. With his dark overcoat his suspect puppetry and his odd poems he looked very much like a man having a break down on stage. Another bumper action pack week at LLC!

New Year new(ish) review!

2010-12-03T03:41:00.000-08:00

Gig Review LLC 18th January

My first gig back reviewing LLC this year and as usual Dan Willis was propping up all the acts on stage. No need for a mic as we had an small crowd, but Dan used one anyway to make him feel all tele! Nick Crano Cranston hit the stage first for his mighty new year return to LLC. Looking very like a sexy Susan Boyle. He talked tv gubbins and about his quirky seedy world, with punchy speedy gags. Nick's never one to shy from controversy and tonight was no exception, creating a bit of hyper tension for the audience going on some wild tangents from his material, most of which was new nonsensical narrative wit.

Since Nick was the entire first third we had a quick break. Dan was saying he's good at the art of talking bollocks, not that we'd ever noticed. Dan told his Scottish walking story, involving tights and guns, he manged to turn it into a workshop and we all threw our twopence in. James Tillman was the first act on, last seen at this very venue at the laughing horse competition heat. Looking like a comedy version of Moby. He traveled up from Harrogate and had some nice one liners, with topics on the joys and pitfalls of family life. Referred to by an audience member as 'the stylish one'. Dan then did some dirty sex talk, very disturbing. Next was Richard Fortune who hasn't been in the north for over a decade. Another stylish comic. Talked up Harrogate and porn figures. Voyeuristic style, He had an interesting story about the perfect ass.

After another break the audience was hydrated and ready to listen to Dan talk about asian lasses tits (don't ask). Feeling chartable Dan gave the poor students in the corner a free bottle of wine and spotted a Justin Bieber lookalike in the crowd, and proceeded to torture him with that realisation. Fiona Blacktett came on, adding something sassy to the night. Posh persona with attention to detail. Ranty style, wondering what she could do with a maths degree. Periods and Ginger hair did wander into the material, in a seemingly infinite loop of her own sting of consciousness, memorising. Sean Turner was on last with his zany characterisation, but then again anyone who knows him wonders where the blur between character and Sean ends. Zany and weird in equal measure. A happy return to the club from yours truly the DR in the house.

Nov 30th - Battling the Snow.

2010-11-04T09:50:00.001-07:00

'Will anyone make it through this snow?' I thought on my way down to the old D&P tonight. But, with the exception of Paul Gerrard who was stuck in Middlesborough (the humanity!) all the acts and enough of an audience turned up to make the night a cosy gig. Dan willis took on compere duties and got us warmed up (though everyone still had their coats on.) First up was a real treat, John Scott (winner of the biggest prize in comedy £12,000 for Take the Mic) came down to try out the first rough sketches of what may become his Edinburgh show this year. It's lovely to have a real pro on the stage now and again. These first rough etchings would knock the finished products of many comics into a cocked hat.

Sharon Race (head honcho at the Telegraph's Laughing Lasses comedy night) plucked recent highlights from the Autumn telly schedules. Anne Widicome on Strictly came in for a special beating. Ben lowes Smith (looking the wintry gent in his aron sweater) got a bit surreal with his '3 cheeses go into a pub' joke. Baby of the bunch was Nicola Mantilios Lovett on her 3rd gig, brash and confident- was this a character or is she really like that? Nicola is half greek, so a greek-off was held with George- and she won!

We finished with a round of just a minute- but with Gaz - our stand in nicolas parsons- unavailable, something was not quite right.

FULL-JUST A MINUTE + Sharon Race,Paul Gerrard, Ben lowes-smith,Nicola Mantalios-lovett.THEME:Drugs.

2ND NOV 2010

2010-10-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

A rumour that we had some free spaces caused a flood of comics to turn up on the night. Actually we had 2 free spaces, and me and Howard wanted them. However, I backed down, Howard compered and we gave several keen comics 5 minute sets, which brightened up the night no end. But for future reference YOU NEED TO BOOK!

So Howard Lee took over compere duties. Lately you're more likely to have seen Howard acting as resident photographer, but he took to it like a duck to water. Some snappy one liners to start and even a finish the lyric sing-a-long. Howard even pleased our resident grumpy old man (Barry) by clearly stating the acts names before the intro music obscured them.

Ex-actor Phil Harker gave us the gift of a hippo impression we could all take home and use to amuse our friends. Phil's acting skills were still obvious with some beautifully observed physical comedy. His girlfriend's slow blink was a highlight of the night.

Dave Spacey, a regular audience member and professional musician usually entertains apres' ski in his winter job as a ski instructor, and he got up to give us some of his funnier songs. A tune about tab smugglers and another about goths. Some great lines in there, but used to rowdy challet sing-a-longs Dave overdid the choruses a bit. - Fine in a regular song but in a comedy song that's just telling the same joke 3 times. Dave's back in January and has promised to drop the repetittion- so he'll fit in twice as many songs and be twice as funny.

GraemeParker was new kid of the week. He had some good material, a lot of puns reminding me of Steve Wright (the American one, you idiots) but not yet the confidence to get the most out of them.

Ben Lowe-Smith. What would happen if Jarvis Cocker did comedy? B.L-S. Not just the similar voice but a lyrical turn of phrase and an orginal take.

Thos Thomas comes to us from Newcastle University's Comedy Soc, so we'll hopefully see more of him in the future. Camp, dark and with a tad too much distracting microphone cable twiddling. A comedy Morrisey, then.

John Pelham is an unusual and clever comic. Who could have expected him to do a routine about Chandler Bing branded a judas for removing his third nipple? Not many. And who would have though that would be good? No one. But that's what John did and it was.

Oct 19th 2010

2010-10-08T04:07:00.001-07:00

This week Dan Willis was M.C. and the audience joke competition is back as a regular feature. Dan came up with 'What's the similarity / difference between Cheryl Cole and a Spatula. And it wasn't all DIY comedy, we had acts providing jokes too!

James Christopher presented a new character act - The Jazz triangle player!

Radical Feminist Dr. Carlos (He's not a real doctor but he does like to tell people what's wrong with them.)was back with more of his slightly disturbing musings.

Sharon Race popped in for a quick 5 minute set.

Chirpy Irishman Alan Fletcher talked about unfortunate business names- Who'd get their hair cut at Ryan Hair?

Rich Pullen had a round up of the weeks news and discussed the overwhelming urge to lie about your favourite movie to look cool.

Our newbie this week was Dale(if you're looking for him in the facebook gallery he's the chubby kurt cobain) He got through his set and had a few decent lines- not at all bad for a first shot, sir.

Rory (do you think you're tall, do you?) McAlpine spoke of his escape from backward Durham and his trials among the hobbits and goblins of Geordieland. -Though mainly he talked about how bright the new stage lights are. -NOTE TO ALL ACTS- YES THE STAGE LIGHTS ARE SURPRISINGLY BRIGHT WHEN YOU'RE UP THERE BUT THE STAGE LOOKS MUCH BETTER SO STOP GOING ON ABOUT IT. -Thankyou.

And the competition winner:- da, dada, da, da, da,da...

What do Cheryl Cole and a Spatula have in common? They can both touch my sausage.
-They're a sophisticated lot, the LLC crowd.

Ocober 5th 2010 - A review from afar.

2010-10-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

Simon Donald (exactly as he appeared on stage)

Simon Donald (him off the viz)was our headliner this week, as we call in favours from big names who've used our services in the past. Come for the people you've heard of, be pleasantly surprised by some of the unknown acts- that's our philosophy. Anyway, no need for us to write a review this week as the new comedy review site Gigglebeats did one for us.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog and Parrot 28th September 2010

2010-09-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

A quiet night saw Sean Turner making his Mc debut; along side Howard Lee as part of our multi compare experiment. WD40 came up in conversation, always creeps up on you that one. The second week of our new lights and new mic, just the stand to come next week! James Christopher kicked off the acts back from Edinburgh. Some old and new stuff from the llc regular. We even had a scientist in the audience on a science themed night (which most acts completely ignored as usual.) Paul Gerrard was second with his witty gems. James Tilman closed the first half with talk of family vales and coming from Yorkshire, he looks like a certain bald celebrity slated by Eminem a few years ago. Edgy stuff indeed.

Howard was mc-ing the second half, taking to it like a duck to slightly tapid water. Howard introduced the first act in this section the infamous Dr Carlos, which he introduced as ‘socially defunct’. This was an accurate description as he proceeded to talk about looking like a gay stalky weirdo murder. With other material including dressing as Freddy Kruger. His next appearance at Long Live Comedy will be much anticipated. Nat Wicks. Her first gig, she’s from Middlesbrough not that she’s proud of it! Cyber bully effected her as if coming from Boro wasn’t enough! She talked about the dreaded no2 on a virgin train and inevitable problems that occur. Confidently delivered. Howard then eased the audience into the competition with the promise of chocolates. Six goodies, with six clues to name the band, based on a conversation full of clues, very uplifting and amusing.

Rich Pullen closed the night with material about the back of the stage and seemingly free flowing observations of the night. Thanked people for picking the club over the temptation of seeing Micheal Bubble or Basshunter. Looking very much like a young Rufus Hound. Vibrant and enthusiastic, looking solid even in this early stage of his stand up ‘career’. Even talked about the random guy outside the Switzerland Super Kaleida Another fun night at the D + P.

LLC @ the dog and parrot

2010-09-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

Sep. 21st 2010. - Relaunch (sort of)

The first review in ages! Last week the show was cancelled for the second time in our 4 year history. The first time the pub ran out of beer, so not our fault. But last week non-appearnace of comics and audience made us pull it again. Instead all the regulars decended to the D&P to discuss ways to make it better. (And thrash Barry at pool.)

So here it was- our first new improved (well, gradually improving)comedy night. We had new blinding stage lights making the performers all sweaty, new music, a photographer taking decent photos, a good crowd and some good acts.

First up was local legend Gav Webster gracing our humble stage to try out some new material- a top start to the night. Professional number two Dan Willis also got up with some new notes balanced by a few tried and tested gags.

Among the emerging acts was Sean Turner with his now legendary IMMORTALITY BOX routine- I won't explain any more, just try to see it. Tom Tolston (looking like an ALDI De Niro)entertained us with life as a mature student- going to ironic 80's discos when you still have flashbacks from the real thing. Adam Lumley provided some local flavour with comments on metro travel and glaxy radio. Simon Buglass finished the night fighting against predjudice towards the bigger boned man. Simon started on our stage exactly one year ago and since then he's started his own night and played at the edinburgh fringe- another comedy flower grown in the manure of Long Live comedy.

George Zach was tonights compere holding it all together, and we had a rare appearance by Al Key who stepped up for 2 minutes and told 5 jokes. But one was the best joke we've heard all year, so job done.

The night ended with our take on 'Just a Minute' the radio 4 panel show. A podcast of that is coming soon. For more photos see our facebook page. (see above)

LLC @ the dog and parrot

2010-09-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

31st August

Dan Willis was back Mcing, back from Edinburgh festival from his popular Jocks and Geordies gig to a somewhat more intimate crowd. He did a good job relaxing the audience into it, like a true pro (well he is a pro!). Callums naked modelling days were addressed, which is hard to forget for anyone who’s heard about them before. The first act on was a guy who’s probably played first in the club more than any other act Paul Gerrard, with some new material that delighted. I wrote LLC’s most prolific ginger instead of gigger (that merit would likely be John Smith). Canny observations and zaniness. Howard Lee next up debonair, punchy and lightening quick one liners, trying new material. Ian Edhouse next with tales on the LLC toilets and education. He’s a self confessed geek, stating as you get older your standards enviably drop.

Dan was back after the break commenting on the paper stuck to the microphone (classy and professional are we!) Pete Thompson up next with songs about his baby and his jam cover all on the wonderful musical instrument that is the DS! Sean Turner up next with his surreal ness. Finally Chris Cross was headlining off of Britain’s Got Talent and that. Talked about some weird things like sex with animals, darkness and weirdness. Looks a bit like Russell Brand. He performed some contortion by having back boobs and dislocating his shoulder and showing up the results. Strange, but enchanting. One of the oddest nights as LLC for sure.

LLC @ the dog and parrot

2010-09-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

24th August

Joe Mclachlan was Mc tonight. Don’t mention football he hates it. He probed the crowd like a veteran I think It was his first time mc-ing the night though. Up first was George back from Edinburgh was looking very debonair. Working the stage with animal sex stories. Sharon Race with some material was the next comedy fodder. Parties for the sake of parties and love of fat food were topics she mulled over. The best things life are free the veteran club performer wailed over, some very good stuff from Sharon. John Thornley next an ex accountant doing new material, puny tales from suburbia. Wacky and off the wall humour. Awkwardly weird off beat ideas.

BUBBA LAHZI – An older South African gent I hope he won’t mind me saying, political satire from the outsider point of view, interesting. Andy Clarke next he has his glasses on so he can see our beady eyes. He shared his chocolates (I won’t ruine his expensive joke) Talked about his last gig and having a sensitive operation (something up his arse). Did a nice impression of a tea pot. Sharpe, quick and very witty, working as a carer another flow of consciousness.

John – new to the club looking beyond his years with a beard and moustache, He’s a film student who farts in relationships. Finishing up was Jack Norris with his 1st gig. Showed promise. Joe ended the night talking about his girlfriend snoring.

LLC @ the dog parrot

2010-09-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

27th July

Callum was the MC for the first time in an age! Looking very debonair, he told tales of being a postie. Paul Gerrard was the first act up on stage, with his usual quick fire rug pulling. People breaking into your house was an amusing tale. Kevin Wilkinson up next with some new stuff. Family talk. Looking very youthful out of his work clothes. Callum came back on with masturbation stories. Phil Harker may double up as a Chesney Hawks look-alike. Good use of language, Warm, colourful and vibrant. Did a good impression of a Hippo and some good word play.

Callum back up after the break talking about racism in comedy. Billy Bob Thornton up next who looks cannily like club co founder Pete Thompson. Very wordy with cowboy ness country tracks and a song about his girl. Skilfully mulled over his mistakes like an art form. Jesus is watching ya! Andy Clark up next, who has come straight out of hospital for the gig, like a trooper. His first time at LLC and 2nd gig I believe. Mixed the legal drugs with his special drugs a total string of consciousness in his act, very flowing. Potentially Geordie comedy gold. Poked fun at someone called DR Carlos, never heard of him. Gavin Webster like, something about wasp Nazis at the end. Callum ended on a Wisk joke. Fun times!

LLC @ the dog and parrot

2010-09-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

13th July

George was back Mcing Bear ribbing and dicking about on stage. Up first was Pete Thompson with his musictastic DS songsmithness. Tune tonight was “ladies”. Annoyance based banter and another song with musical puns. Good stuff. Christian Steel up next, putting on an impromptu performance, being dragged up by George no doubt. He talked about living in London, dressed very dapper with a string of consciousness style, unmatched. Like child hyperactivity applied to adulthood.

In the second section George returned heckling the crowd, like you do. His wing man story came up again. Ben Messenger was up next, name based comedy, he was wearing particularly dark clothing for the summer, but hey sometimes you want to stand out. Only his 2nd gig, his wit was very dry and shows great potential. Dave Nitcheze next talking joblessness, porn, dry and stylishly dressed with snappy one liners. Also talked Adverts and jobs, great vocal tone, definitely one to watch.

George was back with vengeance in the third section arguing about something (can’t read my writing again durrr). Sean Turner was next, actor extraordinaire with surreal comedy, flights of fantasy, metro fair dodging stories and other anecdotes. Very eccentric. Alistaire Greeves up last with a self depreciating style. Lovable loser with a witty banter. George ended on a Sarah Jessica Parker joke the poor woman, as if it isn’t bad enough looking like a horse. Great night!

LLC @ the dog and parrot

2010-09-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

June 29th 2010

Mc was again Dan Willis this week as he opened up with some club news two of the regular comedians had been taken to the hospital in the same night, catastophrophy indeed. He also noted someone in the crowd was pregnant so it could become three hospitalised. Phil Harker came up first, likeable character with some animal impressions, a bit like Russell Howard, but without the bong eyes. He talked about gyming it up, something more of us should be doing looking around Newcastle! Adam Lumley next up. Looking smart in an army like jacket, he’s another wrestler (the clubs full of them!). Loud and confrontational, did some Jade Goody material, I Phone and politics related jokes. Paulo De La Cruz next with Latin comedy looked very familiar. Gave some englishisms and performed a song about trusers.

Dan was talking childbirth again according to my notes for ages! We learnt more than we wanted to about child birth that night! Ian Todd was next up with randomness, wearing a star wars T-Shirt which is very Ian (I know I’m fascinated with T-Shirts Alright!). He was bantering about swimming pools, dogging and dating classifieds. Some Dan and George banter ensued as is traditional for the club. Bob Graham up next a Scottish comedian who will do anything for beer apparently. Clever word plays and talked about living in Australia. Another gig and month over!

LLC @ the dog and parrot

2010-09-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

June 22nd 2010

Even George back to Mcing duties, with his usual Greek banter. He even has his own mc-ing catchphrase now “I don’t know where I’m going with this”. First act up was regular MC Dan Willis noting Georges sexual exploits or lack of. Being a lucky sex charm and getting in trouble with the boyfriend of a lover. Paul Gerrard next with punchy jokes and incest (jokes not actually incest). George gives sex advice and Lee Kyle is the final act before the break with his flag trivia, amusing flag based jokes which was a truly flagtastic display.

Up after the break was Kai’s Edinburgh preview show exclusive to LLC. Kai made a reference to George being deported I couldn’t possibly comment. Evolution is the name of his show; he talked also about bathroom etiquette and relationships. Stories about educating his girlfriend, Geordie stereotypes, his brother and lap dancing were all hilarious. He apologised for the roughness of his show, but this was true raw power. More stories about the revenge of the airbag, the evolution of dogs, visual toilet humour and the perils of massage. An action packed evening with a nice healthy crowd, I really enjoyed it!

LLC @ dog and parrot

2010-09-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

June 15th 2010

Dan Mcing for the second week in a row so more ribbing of the last Mc before him Even George Zach. Dan also talked about being an uncle and weddings. The first act up was Alan Fletcher, talking about where he’s from, self depreciation and growing up in Northern Ireland. Quick witted with clever stories. James Christopher up next with stories of childhood bullying and Woody Allen-esque delivery. Quick witty, very puny with a shotgun style for one liners. George tried to chip in with one of his jokes, suffice to say, it didn’t help. James was trying out some new stuff, ending on a good footy joke.

John Thornley stepped in as a replacement to a guy who didn’t show. He did some impressions and talked supermarkets, but it was a tough crowd tonight. His style is somewhat ranty and feels like a flow of consciousness. Pete Thompson did a song about being a dad and his jam parody all on his DS, top notch stuff.

Rich Pullen with his 4th gig, heckled by George, he can’t keep stum! He talked about young people failing, vuvuelas and made a reference to the awkwardness of his own name. Another jolly night had by all accounts.

LLC @ dog and parrot

2010-09-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

June 1st 2010

Dan Willis was back to reclaim his thrown as LLC MC that’s a mouthful! Lots of audience banter ensued as usual, then he introduced the first act of the night Chris Errington, with his regular material, politics and porn utensils (don’t ask!), bright and quirky comedy as we’ve come to expect from him. James Beck next, He’s from Leeds bright and vibrant set, talking religion and various other subjects. Like Michael McIntyre with a filthy mouth.

Dawn? next talking about internet proposals. Phil Golder Talking about that hot topic of the day the habits of giants. The awkwardness of being a man and jobs.

After another break Dan was telling a story about the time he met Cheryl Tweedy’s brother and the unfortunate resulting incidents. Up next was Carlos with a weird performance of mainly new material. Dan talked more about hecklers and a squaddie tale. Beth Anderson up next who Dan didn’t realise was an act and was ribbing earlier. Looking very sassy with a Sandy from Greece look on the bottom and a camouflage top. Speech therapy stories, hen dos and marriage tales ensued, very amusing, though she sways a lot like a ship in a wavy dock yard.

Rich Pullen next his 2nd gig ever, which when witnessing the polished ness and confidence of his act is surprising. He talked about politics and school days. Nice spinal tap T-shirt to boot. Al Key up next with one quick and effective joke. Even George up next, the occasional sound man sticking to what he does best. Eurovision, stories of priests setting up comedy clubs and his last date and the morning after. Another night of zany dog and parrot hilarity.

LLC @ dog and parrot

2010-09-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

May 18th 2010

George in for Dan again, he’s starting to expect this now! He talked about local dialects especially for the north east! Chris Errington up first, talking partners, haircuts, songs and TV. Half of the duo pirate chat, very surreal comedy, but also very funny. Eddie French up next talked about warm up exercises, looking like Elvis on steroids. Talked pop music, solid performance.

After the break George talks about coming to England. Phil Golder talked old friends, Thai brides, Tesco's in Thailand, with controversial comedic views, AIDS, Political stuff and Paedophilia scare mongering. Tim Strange up next with a batman T-Shirt this week, talking Dutch, having a girlfriend, wanking and getting drunk through peer pressure, dry but very witty.

John Baker was doing Jeremy Kyle stuff, benefit cheats, the government, darkness, tracksuits and McIntyre-isms. A thus ended another random bout of giggles at the dog and parrot.

Long Live Comedy @ the Dog and Parrot May 11th 2010

2010-09-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

Long Live Comedy @ the Dog and Parrot May 11th 2010

George back Mcing again. He’s getting good at this compare malarkey even if sometimes he is a bit hard to understand! (Not my words!) Paul Gerrard up first, who to my knowledge MCs apart, has played more gigs in the club than anyone (expect maybe Sharon Race, but its close at least!). He did his hits and I think he used some music for a change, maybe he didn’t but that’s all I can deceiver from my notes!

After the break was John Thornley, with an interesting stance, don’t laugh at me, it was his first ever gig. He did some TV themed material and some impressions as well. Funny, but with a rather un comfortable section about Geordies own Heather Mills. Other brave subjects were approached especially considering it was his first gig; he also had some good rants in there for extra measure. Howard Lee up next with some new stuff and stuff I can’t read in my notes (sorry Howard!). Jared Jess Cooke up next with new stuff, Australia and daft laws and traffic parties.

Long Live Comedy @ the Dog and Parrot May 4th 2010

2010-09-24T13:04:00.000-07:00

Long Live Comedy @ the Dog and Parrot

May 4th 2010

George was Mcing this fine night; He’d just done a charity gig so was full of new stories of more women finding him attractive (presumably because he is Greek). Texting a girl in the same room as himself in a forbidden love type style, weird but interesting.

Ryan Brown was the first guy up tonight, new to the club. He’s from Burnley and served up some punchy puny one liners and fast. George had more talk about being a slag and next up was Sean Turner, with weird and surreal word games, had slashes on his T-shirt looking quite scary. He told stories of misspent youth. Rob Gilroy next, no show or so we thought!

Up after the first break, George back to his old ways chatting up an American girl in the audience. Rob Gilroy came on as character Johnny Rocket. With themes of law and order, health and safety, as a security guard. His tag line being that of the clichéd , crime doesn’t pay, although this really worked well with his stage persona. Richard Wells up next, a big man, with a big heart, talked about his aspirations and the dirty habits of the romans.

Sean Gorman up next talking about age, the etiquette of talking to grannies and hotel sex etiquette. High energy as usual from Sean. Tim Strange up next looking really exotic with a fiery t-shirt drawing attention to his impressive frame, looking like an American footballer. (mind you he is a wrestler!) Took to his first gig in the club really well. He talked about the decline in the efforts in relationships and shows a lot of promise for the future. Dickie Gardner was up next after his triumphant full set last week. He looked special with a girly headband and his arm finally out of a sling. He talked about politics and mainly did new stuff. Another jolly week at LLC.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 27th April 2010

2010-05-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

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Dickie’s big gig tonight and we have a bumper crowd of over fifty. I don’t even think I know fifty people let alone have the pulling power to get them to the pink triangle. (That is less wrong than it sounds I promise you!) So George is now very comfortable in the MC slot and he shows it by making the night go smoothly (well mostly anyway!). George talked about being ‘international’ which means being a dirty Greek of course. He’s lost yet another job and he talked about the Geordie accent. He was harassing women as usual and in a room where the majority of the crowd were women he didn’t know where to look first.

Alan Fletcher was the first act up tonight. He’s from Northern Ireland and he talked about his recent gigs in bonny Scotland. He commented on TV adverts and Charity ads, a good showing. Next up was Jared Jess Cooke – A long winded name, but very down to earth act. He talked about family problems, politics and Gary Glitter! Face book again came up. A regular theme on the circuit at the moment. He was donning casual clothes this week and it seemed to work for him as the crowd were eating up his every word and he did really well. Break.

George talked geography and talked about when Dickie was err shall we say a bit larger, but its ok he knows him well! Dave Nietsche up next for his first ever gig. His name sounds German but we didn’t ask and he didn’t tell. He told us all what good comedians do and that he’s not going to bother doing. Talked mainly religious satire. Very brave for a first gig, showing signs of quality already. Beth Anderson up next, a rarity at the club a female comedian in her twenties. Looked innocent enough, but talked of putting her fiancé through a load of ‘shit tests’, which are tests some women like to give men to test their devotion. Good gig. Harry Bentley next with his pirate look restored, I do find myself forgetting that I’m not listening to Eddie Izzard sometimes, as he almost matches his voice and his style occasionally, but to be honest it’s more due to the fact he did him on covers night! He talked mistakes in the bible. Captivate at times. Break

George was feeling sorry for himself and being Greek and all. One has to feel sorry for George, I don’t think you can blame him for the banks over there, but who knows they might not let him back and he could be stuck here! Heaven help us all. He hates it when people say he’s too Greek as well. So Dickie was next with his full thirty minute headline act, who many had travelled far to see. Dickie had his arm in a sling which he felt needed some explaining, which he managed true comedic vigour. He talked family, gayness, religion, drugs and handling awkward situations. He brought his friend Robin on for a song at the end as he couldn’t play guitar with his condition of course. Hunger for love was a song about misspent youth and in the words of Dickie “it was amazing” I have to whole heartily agree.

Long Live Comedy @ the dog and parrot 20th April 2010

2010-05-02T16:56:00.001-07:00

Long Live Comedy @ the dog and parrot 20th April 2010

A good size crowd this week, despite the fact that it consists of 90% comedians. George was back yet again for more random MCing Greek Stylee. First up was Kevin Williamson in a suit straight from work with his corporate stories and domesticated bliss. Next up was Alan Fletcher Irish wonder with his first gig at LLC for a while, talking about puny names for shops and looking on form. Break

George was of course happy that there was now a new girl to pick on in the crowd and he wanted to know if you get a teaching job do they check your references. He feels a real sense of progression with his tutoring and wanted us to all know that. Ian Todd was first up of the acts in this thrid, talking about people you really shouldn’t go out with, wearing some very ninja-like clothing and talked about chat up lines. James Christopher on next with his comparisons and analogies, looking smart as usual delivering a mix of old and new in his north Yorkshire type way. A really strong set with a mix of stories, one-liners and jokes he hopes the audience will make better. Final break.

George talked about the theme of the night sea, finally some topical material on the night’s theme. Carlos up next Much to the delight of the mainly comedian laden audience Carlos gave us a taste of life as a tragic man, short, but to the point and he looked like he was enjoying himself even revealing in his middleclass loser like mundane existence. Finally Howard Lee was up trying new material and treating the gig like a workshop reading from his phone and notes, but to be fair it was 90% comedians be it a full crowd. He encouraged heckling which a few of the acts did unsuccessfully. Tried to get us to finish off his jokes! Ending on a bad joke from a peguin rapper. Interesting night!

Next week is Dickie Gardner’s first 30 min headline slot, be sure to come back for that won’t you.

Long Live Comedy @ the dog and parrot 23rd March 2010

2010-04-22T11:21:00.001-07:00

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Dickie
Carlos
George!

Long Live Comedy @ the dog and parrot 23rd March 2010

George, our resident Greek, was taking the MC duties again this week. Don’t laugh at him it’s not his job to be funny. If you do he might take that as a heckle. First act up was Joe Mclauglan doing Easter based material! Oh topical. Some old, some new. George then said something about not encouraging breeding. Like you do if you’re Greek. Dave Mills up next talking about societies unneeded upgrades in tech; it was his first ever gig. He talked about the ongoing demand for the chuckle brothers and pulled off a confident performance. Even George praised him afterward high praise indeed!

Up after the first break was Lee Kyle, who was going to go political, but instead just kept to the tried and tested route of masturbation and sex. Cock sucker? Apparently not as he couldn’t quite reach that far yet, keep trying Lee. Filth, sex, porno and old porn mags came up into the banter then he ended with his shoe gag, which I’m not quite sure most people actually got. George then couldn’t resist talking sex himself, finally mentions the theme of the night and talks about karma. Then another break.

Adam Lumley enters the stage well dressed, looking quite posh with a scarf and a suit. He talks up religion, priests and the catholic church. He has ADD not ADHD and explains the difference. He over thinks being a dwarf and the problems with 24 the series real time element. Another break.

Up after the break was Carlos trying new stuff, mostly stuff that didn’t work, win some lose some. Still his stage presence was improving and if it wasn’t for the need for paper the crowd would have taken him into their hearts more (probably!)

Finally tonight and headlining was Dickie Gardner with new material an ex fatty Dickie is now fully recovered. Talks about taking a piss James Bond Style and other political satire. Pointing out the many pitfalls of the BNP’s Nick Griffin, using his camp voice style to great effect on occasion. It was a good set and another good night in the pink triangle.

Long Live Comedy @ the dog and parrot 13th April 2010

2010-04-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

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Carlos
Sven
Jared
Sean

Long Live Comedy @ the dog and parrot 13th April 2010

George Zach was MC again tonight, much to his delight, talking about sexuality, battling with gayness and harassing a police officer. Paul Gerrard was the first act up, veteran joke writer and the most frequent regular of the club. Fat jokes, snappy one liners and quippy darkness flowed like a joke shotgun. Lee Kyle next with his bath comedy fetish whatever that means (my notes!). Tried out his new stuff in the form of flags of the world, went down quite well. Even brave enough to comment on Muslims. A comical take on flags if ever there was one. Another break.

Up after the first break was George again talking about previous audience members, including some women who now hate him, English women hating Greeks? Never. Always one for the ladies George. Sean Gorman jumped up next, ex magician, talked about the last time he got up on stage at the dog and parrot and what it’s like when you start becoming your parents. Glastonbury etiquette came up as well as genitals + orgasms. George then continued the theme and talked about sex noises and rape, like you do. Jared Jess Cooke next, he’s not posh despite the name, told a bad joke about cats and fish I won’t spoil it for you. Bouncing around stage wearing black with a red tie like a kind of hyperactive corporate devil. A bit like the Devil’s advocate film with Keanu bad acting Reeves. He talked about his male toilet habits, dogs and the awkwardness of kids. Alot of new stuff and the final break.

Sven was up first after the final break. He’s not Swedish it’s a nickname from school apparently. Big lad with a nice novelty shirt. Hypothetical Maddy Mccann pictures, one liners and animal based material were his topics. Being in a rock band and the internet were other things he talked about. One if not his first gig, he shows promise.

Finally up last was Carlos with some new and old material. A slow burner tonight, but had a solid set and the crowd started getting into it once he was in the flow. Mostly comedians in the crowd so they had heard most of his stuff before, but he had a good ending and recovered well after a slow start. George then closed up with the difference between cats and dogs, leaving the theme till the very end again.

LLC @ The Dog And Parrot 16th March 2010

2010-03-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

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LLC @ The Dog And Parrot 16th March 2010

Another crazy night at the Dog and Parrot with George taking up the MC duties again. George started bantering with a fake Will Smith guy and talked about eating brains, as you do. Up first was Paul Gerrard. Commenting on his physical appearance and growing up, with his usual quick fire punchy jokes, with a mix of old and new. Then back to George and his showering habits. Steve Hesse stepped up to the mic next, his 3rd gig. Religious based material, even comparing Gordon Brown to Jesus. That’s quite a comparison. Wearing a target on his shirt, he talked of what flowed his juices and modern art. Very composed for his 3rd gig. Getting better every time he steps up. Break

After the break was Just another minute, with Carlos, Pete Thompson, Dave Macbeth and Callum Cramb. Lots of random banter from the panel, but Dave stormed it to win in the end with his impressive random twittering banter. Then another break.

George got lots of laughs when he wasn’t even doing material, which will confuse his over analylitic brain for weeks probably. He talked about women again his favourite subject of course. Next on stage was Bill Bradley – overweight he said it not me! Talked ladies and punchy observational stuff, travelled along way for what I think was his first gig, quite Impressive. Steve Robertson next, with his zany humour and his “this happened to me but it didn’t cos it’s a joke” lines. He was wearing.....well I’m not allowed to say I’ve been told off for commenting on acts clothes. Heavy punchlines and parental material.

Finally despite George saying it was the end of the night there was time for one more act a homeless Klingon! Yes you read it right and if you were there you’d probably be as baffled and as lost for words as me. Surreal to say the least and he didn’t even need a mic as he bellowed out his set. Sung us the original Klingon version of John Lennon’s Imagine. Did get a lot of laughs though, for whatever reason and it was certainly different! Another strange end to another odd night at the dog and parrot. Random rules!

LLC Review 9th March 2010

2010-03-05T17:22:00.000-08:00

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9th March 2010

Another good size audience this week at LLC and plenty of comedy to be squeezed into the night, first up this week and new to stand-up was Rich Pullen, who discussed the dangers of allowing friends to assign you nicknames. Excellent stage presence from the new comer.

Next up, and just back from a successful comedy competition in London, coming in the runners up spot out of 15 in the final london heat was LLC familiar-face Carlos. Many of you who have seen Carlos before may have wondered, what takes place in the life of Carlos to allow for his dark and twisted style of comedy, this week in a group-therapy style of performance Carlos answered that question.

Closing the first section was Nathan Hudson, covering topics from homosexuality, serial-murder and terminal illnesses, all the classics, but then the theme for tonight was death, so we did ask for it.

First in the second section was Andrew Bremmner, another new kid on the comedy block who was able to share with us the mental trauma he had recently suffered following a conversation with his grandma he had never thought he would have. Good stuff.

Just before the second break was Lee Kyle, with more of his unique comedy style giving the front row this week, who may have missed him a few backs, another opportunity to inspect his underwear. The audience were once again unprepared for such events. Brilliant stuff.

Closing the night was Phil Buckley with 30 mins from his new show ‘Jokes not included’ Phil brought us into the world of the lonely Edinburgh comic, and was delighted with the warm response of our audience this week. He admits it was better than other gigs he has performed in which there was once one single audience member and on another occasion an entire front row of CID officers. Needless to say out of those two circumstances he got the better response from the single audience member.

Plenty more comedy ahead for the rest of March, we hope to see you all again soon.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 2nd March 2010

2010-03-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

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One of the biggest audiences we’ve had this year turned up, I hope it wasn’t to see sitcom legend Gary Colman, because it wasn’t him. It was Newcastle’s very own Gary Colman. George was MC for the second week in a row and you can tell he loves it. Starting off where we meant to go on with kiddie based puns from the audience and random filth. Gary came on first; he didn’t use the mic for some reason even though the room was full, so I confess I couldn’t really hear him. Maybe he’d heard about my reviews. Anyways he talked about being in a ropey play, gay guys in the gym and tried new stuff. Next was Paul Gerrard, with his quick fire pun age and bang on form tonight. The crowd lapped up his one liners. Good gig for Paul. Phil Golder on next...no one told him though so he was a bit startled, still he got his act together all the same and did observational humour, he’s not a rapist or a woman believe it or not. Decent set.

Up after the first break George was eating cake from a crowd member and talking on stage a combination that strangely worked. George tried to chat up a foreign girl, never one to let power go to his head! Next up Sharon Race on statistics and tried and tested stuff. Callum Cramb on next, who’s no stranger to controversy, with his dark surreal one liners, some new stuff and even a comment on the Chile disaster, a good mix of old and new stuff. Chris Errington next, with his off the wall edgy humour. Half of double act Pirate Chat, he talked in destiny child lyrics, games to play with taxi drivers, celebs the menace that is the BFG and what if computer games were films. Clever stuff.

After another break We had two more acts, Steve Hesse a graduate of George’s pre-gig workshop, only his second gig and he struggled a bit to be honest, but it’s early days and he shows great potential. Referenced Wikipedia, Justin Lee Collins, teenager’s counselling adults. George commented “completely mental as you see there”. Steve had a few stutters at the start, but regained it for the end. Like they said to Patrick Swayze, don’t give up the ghost Steve.

Last but not least was Carlos the night’s third skinhead, not that we are a neo-Nazi club or anything. More dark comedy from the one name act, comparing comedy to male fashion. Came on in a women’s coat, but apparently his cross dressing days are behind him now. Lots of one liner’s, some worked some didn’t, some even got big laughs because they spectacularly didn’t work. Get’s accused of being a bit gay but also looking a bit weird. Talked about music of today and he’s no spice girls fan either! He also talked about dead celebs of last year and more jokes based on current media stories. Apparently according to George, he reviews the gig afterwards as well. Here’s hoping he doesn’t review himself because that would be weird. George said he is “amazing” never short of sarcasm.

An Interesting night was had. Come back next week and see Phil Buckley off of the tele for only £2, bargain!

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Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 16th Feb 2010

2010-02-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

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George has finally got his emcee slot back, He won’t want to give that up when Dan gets back, if there’s a club left when he comes back (joking George). He’s improved a lot as an emcee and this week was no exception. Nice to see a busy crowd this week. George talked politics and his attitude to foreigners *cough*.

Up first was Keara Murphy fresh from the hyena and the king’s manor where some insensitive comedian had made a joke about her heavily ovulating before the menopause after she’d left. Can’t think who that was... anyways back to the gig. Keara talked about being a student, how England’s a holiday for her and the joys of her home town of Glasgow and her mums love of Irish men. Highly entertaining. Next up was Phil Golder, who’s 30 (it’s not the end only the beginning of the end Phil!) Talked of his loathing for children, his boredom and caution of porn and talked of old age home in the style of big brother. Good this week Phil you can quote me on that. The first break followed.

George gave us stories of cannabis possession and arrests and took Dan’s mantle in trying to sex the audience (usually women), no doubt from that all famous emcee’s sex offender’s guide. He talked about his one night stand and subsequent elaborate new day get out clause, that’s the problem with having a women stay over at your place, a premature evacuation won’t do you any favours. Next up was Lee Kyle with his preacher man /Amish/ Jew look dressed head to toe in black. His cat died, he showed us his stained pants (fake we hope!). Weird, quirky comedy and controversial with awkward silences, but got laughs anyway. Holding your shoes in the air and looking like a human scare crow / eye picture has never been so strangely entertaining. Not for everyone, but certainly different and a brave choice. I’ve never seen an ending quite like that before.

Next was Jared he’s a mummy’s boy, talked dance and politics and about having kids of your own and being a father. He has too many facebook friends (don’t we all). Energetic performance. Calum Cramb up next scarred for life jokes (whatever that mean don’t ask me I don’t understand my notes!) he talked about his conversation with a chav outside trying to bum a tab and tried new stuff including some Haiti material! Brave, but still the best Haiti stuff I’ve heard so far. Break.

John Barker (Boris Johnson) strolled on the stage with his bumbling conservative satire, dressed like an Eskimo. Mental ramblings in a comedy stylee. Maybe a little too realistic! Up next Sharon Race talking about Valentine’s Day, teacher training and new stuff such as names for genitalia. We still never got that song though Sharon! We’ll hold you to it one day.... Special end appearance from Dickie Gardner with two minutes of untried one liner’s, I knew it only took a minute or two anyway! (It’s late I should have been in bed a long time ago!) He also talked about pre nuptial contracted drunken sex and finally there was enough time for George to end on a one liner that he managed to do twice. Good night? It was indeed and now it’s my bedtime.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 9th Feb 2010

2010-02-22T23:11:00.001-08:00

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Dan Emceed with more George ribbing, one might hasten to think George is happy Dan’s buggering off to Australia for a while, but that would be cynical thinking. Dan talked about his time as Gloria Huniford’s warm up act. I presume he meant only in a professional capacity anyway.

Up first was Nick Cranston, the filth without his fury this week. Chatting up the regulars on the front row trying and failing where so many (including George and Dan) have already failed. Nick talked about strip clubs making them sound even seedier than even I remembered them to be. Starting from the lowest ebb is a good place as the only way is up (or less crude at least!) He asked what would you do for a million pounds? More like what wouldn’t we do! Up next Veteran of long live Paul Gerrard with more one liners, probably one of the most prolific one liner joke tellers in the north east. Exposing us to more of his strange but intriguing inner world. Next Conner Pierce, his second ever gig, improved from his first and his second was better than my second anyway! He talked about astrology and the holocaust, cheery stuff. Still nice to see he’d written and performed more than one joke this time (owww catty, just kidding Pierce it’s tough when you’re new!) he was followed by a very welcomed beer Break.

Dan came back with more tales of his misspent sexual youth. Up next was Paul Hayman, all suited and booted, speech impediment humour is that rare comic gem that thankfully worked really well for him. Looking forward to seeing him again at LLC. He used age based material and talked about relationships, really lifted a jaded room on a quiet night crowd-wise. More George ribbing from Dan, blatantly borderline tries to pimp out the front row. They weren’t impressed, but still you always pay for it.....just not always directly and not always with money! Another break.

Jared up next with a bright yellow shirt which blinded the crowd and a nice suit to go with it. His mum still helps him out with his clothes bless. Talked about the got to get em all nature of facebook and his relatives on facebook. Last up was Ian Todd, talking classified ads (that he’d made up), wearing a tracksuit top and genes bottom an odd combination; I’m missing his Freddy Kruger look he stole off me already. Always the entertainer.

LLC Review 2nd February 2010

2010-02-10T04:09:00.000-08:00

Long Live Comedy @ Dog and Parrot 2nd February 2010

Dan was emcee again tonight, probably just to stop George doing it (he’s pedantic like that you know). This week he decided to try other peoples jokes to see if we guessed who’s they were correctly, we didn’t. He was leeching on young women as usual; girls over 27 need not apply! Still he did crucify George and better him than me (that was last week and probably every week after he reads this). Anyway back to the acts.

First up was Phil Golder, back from a long absence with some new material. He talked up Afghanistan and got a lot of laughs out of blowing his nose, always a good comedic action I find. Not a bad return at all. James Christopher next, more Afghan jokes; he’s always getting compared to other people by the way he looks, so I won’t add to it this week. It was a tight set with lots of new stuff. Nice Trench coat too.

Up after the break was just another minute (don’t sue us). Sharon tried to host, God bless her and at least she gave it a go! I think a review of the rules before hand would have been handy! On the panel was Dickie Gardner, Steve Hesse, George Zach and Pete Thompson (former champion, but came last I think this time!) Topics included: haemorrhoids, Tiles, French Cheese, Greece and Porn (the last two of course George is excelled in). Of course George won he can rant for Greece!

So another break and back into the acts, Dickie Gardner kicked us off with the idea of

A rape alarm for a present (not his idea I stress!), the art of overhearing comments and conversations and other tip bits, a short set tonight but quite Sharpe. Dan then talked about space docking (you don’t want to know) and putting poo in a condom (it’s a gay thing apparently!). Last but not least was Sharon Race, now some people think I’m racist, I’m not I quite like Sharon Race, she may struggle to use a timer, be unable to add up basic numbers but she probably does a mean curry (that’s a joke don’t write in and complain!) she whizzed through as we were running short, but managed to do some new chav based material and recovered well from the just a minute mishap earlier. It’s all learning Sharon!

LLC Review 26th January 2010

2010-02-10T04:07:00.000-08:00

Dog and Parrot Long live Comedy 26th January 2009

Dan was back to emcee again with more wicked stories of his misspent January. Up first was Nick Cranston with his usual filth, including masturbation material and he was the first to start calling the girl with the tattoos on her leg, legs girl, which continued throughout the night much to her grievance. Next up was Connor Pierce who talked adverts, looking very casual, with frizzy ginger hair . Made the mistake of asking the audience who he could impersonate getting the inevitable reply of Mick Hucknell. Still not bad for a first gig.

After the break was John Barker, doing his lets learn English sketch. Sounding as Alan Partridge as ever all in dark with his brother on stage, the first of the night to say “Haiti” brave, but amusing. Kevin Wikinson up next, another newbie who was taking to the stage for the first time. Masturbation and dogs were on the menu and he got a big laugh as he came on stage, unfortunately it was not for him it was for legs girl falling down and doing the splits as she tried to leave the room. There’s something about this place that attracts extremely drunk women, but as Dan said we all still would. Still Kevin recovered the focus and had quite a good set. Dan then talked about relationships before Sharon Race took to the stage. Wearing a scarf, she tried some new stuff, informing us of how Newcastle fairs in the national polls, along with the usual call centre banter.

Another break, Up next was Carlos (who didn’t look quite as rapey as Dan had made out) who proceeded to raise the tone of the night...oh no wait sorry this was Carlos, he shared with us some of the darker analogies he had pondered this Christmas and revealed interesting truths regarding tasks he deems suitable for his mother to carry out. He seemed to have genuinely disturbed the two girls at the front, who were obviously unaware of the good doctor’s reputation.

then finishing the night was Simon Buglass, ex Byker groove (sort of) wearing his trademark flat cap he talked life, love (or singleness) why he’s still single and Susan Boyle. An eventful night as usual, don’t you just love drunk women.

LLC Review 19th January 2010

2010-01-19T07:52:00.001-08:00

January 19th

Another jam packed room this week, 2010 has so far brought plenty of people to LLC at the Dog and Parrot (Well apart from the January 5th audience no show, but the first rule of LLC club is that you don’t talk about January 5th! The second rule of LLC club is that you DO NOT talk about January 5th!! And the third rule is something about mobiles). A variety of styles complementing tonight’s bill. George Zach was up again as MC discussing his love for the snow in this country even if it does worry his poor mother back home in Greece.

LLC regular Paul Gerrard stepped up first this week and instead of his normal routine of quick-fire one liners, Paul opened the show well by revealing dark truths of his budget holidays.

It’s that time of year again where Simon Cowell and his buzzer-happy associates trawl the length and breadth of the country in search of those who can prove that Britain’s got talent. Stepping up to the challenge this year is Flash. In preparation for the ITV show, Flash treated us to what he has prepared for the 3 minute audition. A stylish mix of magic and comedy, which added a touch of pizzazz to a Tuesday night. Great stuff. We wish him the best of luck.

Next up, all the way from Leeds was Rob Alexander providing us with his brand of dark political humour. Excellently written and performed well, but unfortunately it seemed at times perhaps too dark or political for this week’s audience. But he finished very well with some audience involvement.

Taking the microphone next was newcomer to the comedy scene, Matt Pottinger, talking first of the limitations facing observational comedians in this digital age, before taking us on flights of whimsy with some hard hitting aggression thrown into the mix too. An excellent set that had the audience in stitches.

Keeping the crowd laughing next was Jared Jess-Cooke with material on the antics of the different generations of his family. Great stuff.

Christopher Errington followed by allowing us into the world of his dreams and throwing in more childhood pop-culture references that once again went straight over George’s head. It appeared tonight’s theme was not ‘Fantasy’ as stated, but rather ‘references that will confuse George’ which turned out to prove much funnier. But nonetheless George wasn’t phased by this as he was on his game tonight as MC.

The show was due to finish here, but out of the norm at LLC the gig was actually running ahead of time, so closing tonight with an impromptu set was Dickie Gardner who looking like he just stepped out of a twilight film with his ‘bling’ had a pretty good set. He Talked about his relationships with his family and the perils of going to gay bars in a disturbing, but interesting style.

A great show overall tonight and we hope to keep seeing big audiences in the following weeks.

Long Live Comedy Review 12th January 2010

2009-12-22T05:20:00.001-08:00

Review of 12th January llc@the dog and parrot

A direct contrast to last weeks empty gig which was a result of the weather no doubt saw the place jam packed, I guess there’s only so much crap TV you can put up with in January! Dan Willis was back to his usual Mc slot and believe it or not sober as a judge for a change, he's detoxing. So he had a great Christmas!

First up was Christian Steele - An actor/stand up believe it or not! a regular on the pro circuit and back up the north east especially to try new stuff! He talked about Christmas shenanigans, Cheryl Cole. He was all in black with a flat cap I don’t know who died but not him he was great as usual. Next was James beck, one of the first of many newbie’s on the night, Only his 3rd gig he talked about the catholic faith and going to hell.

Dan then explained about how two girls made a horror porno using mar bars (you don't want to know really). Next up was Harley he put on a brave show for someone new to the scene, tried something different along the lines of radical Afghanistan fundamentalism, it didn't really work, but you got to try new things in comedy and he gave it his best shot.

Up after the first break was James Christopher a long live regular with this week the shoes of a witch from the wizard of oz films i think but white! He talked about bullying, tactical gayness and his new girlfriend. Up next Martin Graham only his 2nd ever gig, wearing a stripy top he talked about dogs and being a student in a confident way pretty good going. Then there was Dickie Gardner another regular trying some new musical comedy about an old woman and dedicated it to his mate who’s birthday it was while simultaneously taking the piss out of him, very good set.

After the final break was Steve Hesse his first gig where he seemed very confident and comfortable on stage talking about the taxi driver who drove him to the cancelled gig the previous week, talked about the problem with having your birthday in December all looking very Justin Lee Collins. Lee Chamberlain was next, no stranger to the club; he talked about underwear, the internet and had some real snappy jokes up his sleeve. Finally stepped up George Zach the Greek wonder kid, who managed to wedge his way onto the bill at the last minute, he overran but was funny all the same he talked about his mum, ethnicity, avatar and food. It was a good start to a year of comedy at the dog and parrot.

LLC Review 15th December 2009

2009-12-13T15:41:00.000-08:00

LLC Review 15th December 2009

The penultimate longlivecomedy weekly of the year saw Sharon Race take the emcee slot in preparation for her monthly ladies only act night at the telegraph. Her first task was to introduce regular emcee and grinning idiot Dan Willis, who despite being drunk again (for a change!) delivered a good pro set. He was on the shandy’s apparently, he must have had more than 20. He talked about the dangers of gigs in the middle of nowhere and hospital disaster stories. Next up Nathan Hudson, who has been to LLC a few times now and only gets better. Nathan looked sleek as he talked about beer percentages, women and computers.

Up after the break Paul Gerrard, wearing a nice bright pink shirt. Looking very uncle fester at this time of the year. Talked about chav’s and tried out mostly new material, LLC’s very own shotgun one-liner. Then there was Matt Burrows, new on the scene, talking about twilight and Christmas. He said the word pussy, but it so didn’t suit his little innocent looking posh face; it was only his 2nd gig.

The final break brought Steve Robertson, dressed very smartly, like a priest. Known for the time he performed hammered, even leaving his keys on the stage! This time he was sober-ish and ranted throughout his set, he did a recap of 2009 and slagged Jordan off big style and reviewed twilight. Next up Lee Kyle Twirled Sharon around on his entry to the stage and was another suited and booted act. Dragged the tone down but it style! He did really well for a new guy on the scene.

Finally it was Carlos, who was talking about women. Regular performer at the club and no stranger to controversy. Women confuse him; he talked about his relationships with women throughout his life, keeping the tone to the same level as the previous act Lee Kyle, pushing down the barriers of taste. Putting in a good set ending another good night down the dog and parrot. We even finished just before 11 this week for a change. Next week covers night!

gig review 8th December 2009

2009-12-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 8th of December 2009

George Zach was emcee tonight adding his charm for only the second time at longlivecomedy. Not that you’d know that, as he owned the stage. Dan being out of his face was a mere coincidence. He wore a nice bright yellow t-shirt so we could all see him, how kind. Sharon Race was on form, but wasn’t happy with George’s introduction of “she’s pretty funny.” She humoured us about condoms and call centres. Sean Gorman next up, ex magician and stadium performer succumbing to the call of comedy. He was dressed stylishly and talked about sex lists. Doing a good another good set.

Co Longlivecomedy founder Pete Thompson was up next doing an amusing cover of fuck her gently by tenacious D as he’s away for covers night on the 22nd. Christian Steel was up next, once local pro, now living down south and it showed as he looked dressed for the harsh northern winter. Talked about mediums and driving stand-up comedians around.

Self proclaimed king of comedy Ian Todd up next, Ian took to the stage wearing his famous Freddy Kruger looking t-shirt, half of act pirate chat, he bounced about on the stage like an over enthusiastic child, in his nonchalant hyperactive style. On top form tonight, he talked about his love for classified ads amongst other things. Last up was Andrew Arrowsmith as Another just a minute was cancelled ironically at the last minute due to the start being the last minute before 11. Next time gadget. Andrew looked the part even wearing a tie, while talking about the perils of Tiger Woods and other new material. Next weeks the penultimate longlivecomedy outing of the year, followed by our Christmas special covers night.

Gig Review 1st December 2009

2009-11-30T16:09:00.001-08:00

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 1st of December 2009

Another busy night at the dog and parrot saw Dan Willis take back his mantle as the regular Emcee for the night. You may have thought the theme of the night was animals from the comic’s sets, but this was just another one of many longlivecomedy coincidences. Nice to see a guy dressed as a zebra on the front row, I wonder if his Gran knitted him that garment.

So onto the acts, Peter Brush was first up with a Woody Allen like appearance. Throwing a few snappy one liners out there to the baiting crowd. He had a very dry self depreciating humour which seemed to work well with his persona. Next up was James Maynard who talked about older women the sexuality of cats and the snake that ate itself, quite confident for only his fourth ever gig.

After the first break We had longlivecomedy regular Michael Shields, who is always the creative artist trying out new things, no props this week he’s waiting for Christmas. He talked about his literal and non literal love of animals. Next up Dickie Gardner, a long serving dog and parrot regular who only gets better. Looking very like a cross between MacGyver and some guy out of twilight he is science apparently! He not anti anti religion that’s for sure and he does wonder if Moses was actually quite camp.

So after the final break we had the headlining act of the once local now London living Gary Colman (no not the American one) who’s currently touring his “Gary Colman is very rarely rong” show. He talked about being a have a go hero in Hackney, Dolphins, the sexuality of animals and what to do if you’re ever faced with a grizzly bear Canada style!

Gig Review 24th November 2009

2009-11-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 24th of November 2009

Last week’s gig review

Well it was a packed night at the Dog and Parrot tonight you even had to queue for drinks! The notepad with comments on went missing this week so I will recap what I can from memory!

This week John Smith was comparing and did his hardest to aggravate the audience, especially the front row. His aggressive and nonchalant style was raising a few eyebrows, but he did well for a last minute thing. Dan Willis took a rest from Comparing and did a nice quick set, Paul Gerrard rattled through his set as usual with the fastest gag rate since Tim Vine. Sharon Race managed to fend off a heckler with great Style and Alan Fletcher was back after a long break and showed how much he's improved from his very first gigs which were also at the D+P.

Lee Kyle did well to make himself heard despite the problems with the mike.
Jared had a load of friends at the gig and they loved his stuff, his Ariel presence was strong indeed. Matt Pottinger couldn't use the broken mike so he just shouted his set which for his 2nd gig showed a lot of promise. Finally Nick Cranston closed the night with his usual foul offensive but amusing level of self depreciation. Yet again pointing out that no one understands women, not even women. More detailed gigs again when I find my notepad!

November 17th

2009-11-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 17th of November 2009

A relatively busy night at the dog and parrot tonight as people are already looking towards the Christmas holidays, sadists but people all the same. Dan Willis was comparing again tonight and managed to whip the crowd in to a relative frenzy on occasion, while he discovered that schools no longer have nit nurses, so watch your hair people.

First up was Khan Johnson commenting on the economy this side and the other side of the Atlantic. His aggressive pace was quite captivating as he pointed out the problems with the star wars series of films and his disgust at the new pooh bear stories. Next up was Tony Basnett with a tight set, he’s from Hartlepool you know and is anti talk talk and points out the perils of playing fuck you roulette.
After the break Faye Burnell, who has a confident swagger even if she is lost when it comes to talking with strangers. Pondering what it is like to be royalty and contemplating which career path to pursue in the current economical crisis. Next up Dave Dynamite the veteran cockney nutter who is a true pro on the comedy circuit and had a great set, Dave too used to live in Hartlepool though only god knows why. Chris Errington next who likes to play bury your dad in the sand, is confused between fiction and reality and told us the worst things you could ever say to a taxi driver.

After the final break was Joe McLachlan who just so happened to be sat next to another Joe McLaughlin who he didn’t know, highlighting the weirdly randomness of the club. He gets shouted at, but not he’s a giant or anything. Joe talked about man-ly ice crèmes and hells angels and took pictures because he was forced to! The penultimate act of the night was Andrew Bremner who did quite well for a new comedian on the scene and he’s still only out of college playing only his second ever gig. Traffic cones and pandas were his main subjects as he questioned his own confusion. Last up was Dog and Parrot regular Carlos, who Dan commented “you’ll have never seen anyone like this before”. He thought Adam was a priest to confess his sins to and talked about his quiet disturbing recent miss haps, his ceiling fell in on his bed luckily he was on the internet at the time. Can men and women just be friends? And what do you buy a girl who has everything, for Christmas? He’s been talking to tramps and warns us to beware of bathroom mints! Watch out Peter Sutcliffe there’s someone new in town.

Finally a new review! - 3rd of Nov 2009

2009-05-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

LongLiveComedy@ the dog and parrot 3rd of November 2009

A fairly busy night for November saw George Zach back for his debut Emc gig, “bare with me if I’m a bit shit” he said and it’s true that he started off slow, but before long he was spouting about the parallels between artificial insemination and date rape, classic Zach territory. If you heckle him can you do it slowly and don’t expect him to know who Terry Pratchet is he’s Greek you know.

So onto the acts of the night, kicking us off tonight was the excellent Dan Willis and even though there were only two women in the crowd, neither single, it didn’t stop him having a try! Dan even managed to find some positives in the men’s toilet which is no mean feat! And he doesn’t mind admitting that he loves his mother.

Next up was James Christopher, a veteran of the open mic scene he really made an effort to look the part, suited and booted. Self proclaimed Proclaimers/Dr Who crossbreed that certainly doesn’t like the daily mail and is envious of his gran who has been on TV simply for being locked into a toilet for a night and apparently there’s nothing worse than an IT illiterate paedophile.

After the break was Michael Shields who is truly dedicated to his art and will not pass up the opportunity of water on stage when he needs to wash his hair! He doesn’t understand the job market; we think he’s not alone there. Next up was Matt (didn’t catch his surname), doing his first ever gig, he isn’t shy apparently he’s just lazy. He stated the pitfalls of being ‘polite’ and being a Newcastle United fan, but not a Mike Ashley fan. He shares R Kelly’s optimism on human flight and apparently has a very long ‘extra’ leg.

Up after the final break was Harry Bentley only his 2nd gig but already showing signs of a bright future even if he goes to Teesside University . He definitely suited the pirate look, even if he was bitten by Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen as a child. He has a competitive dad who like most men gets bored when shopping and insists we all add him to Facebook. Watch out for this one!

Closing the night was Dickie Gardner who thinks no matter what you think of Josef Fritzl at least he doesn’t charge board and rent. Dickie doesn’t get women, I don’t think anyone does and apparently McDonalds in Grainger Street is where to see a real life re-enactment of the Jeremy Kyle show. He ended the night with a touching is somewhat disturbing coming of age comedy song about childhood experience. It was a great night and for everyone’s information, that’s not soap on the sinks in the toilet they are toilet mints, the joke it seems is very much on us.

TUE 16th Sep. - Adverts.

2008-08-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

Tue 16th Sep ADVERTISING -A packed night tonight- the fullest LLC has ever been. Compere Paul Gerrard was talking annoying ads with new acts Tony Jameson and Lewis Gray (pictured), and Nick Cranston. When new acts are making up most of the show, we can get worried but these were amazing first attempts. Tony's flights of fancy in an Eddie Izzard style and Lewis' rambling style in particular were impressive. Regular Sean McLoughlin started the night in assured style as usual, and local DJ Graham Mack finished the night in fine style.

The competition was- Are you a marketing guru? We've got an exciting new product, can you sell it? It was a nail in a bag and Pete made a quick presentation to get the brainstorming ideas flowing.

TUESDAY AUGUST 5TH.

2008-08-04T02:45:00.000-07:00

Aug 5th The Animals of Butter Bridge.
Our last Edinbrough preview, the sketch troupe try out their show 'Joe Levi's Short Stories.' We saw one of the 3 stories that the animals will be performing in Edinburgh, a tale of the search for fame and the desire to be the greatest punch and judy man ever. Wow - a proper mini play on our wee stage. Also appearing were Alistair Greaves, John Scott, James Christopher, Graham Mack.

Tue 29th- PHIL BUCKLEY

2008-07-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

29th July Phil Buckley Laughable.
-Phil's new edinburgh show following on from last year's 'Stroke the Panda'. With compere Paul Gerrard chit chatting to the audience, support from John Scott honing new material, Anthony P and Patrick Devine and Pete Thompson playing comedy songs through his Nintendo DS.

July 15 / 22 The Dog Eared Collective / Justin Moorhouse.

2008-07-10T02:54:00.000-07:00

The Dog Eared Collective.
The edinburgh festival previews continue. This week a troupe of actor/comedians pitted hilarious sketches against each other. It was a comedy smack down! Ahhh! In a show encompassing the art of shadow puppetry, and a lecture on STD's which seemed to be aimed at the under 5's (beware the herpes dwarf!) the dog eared collective gave us a little bit of everything. Paul Gerrard was trying his hand as compere for the first time - and overcame the nerves with a sterling effort. Carl Hutchinson and John Whale appeared as Jimmy & Jackie (think Cannon and Ball after the BBC stopped calling)stopping off at the dog and parrot from their sold out Laz Veegaz tooah. Greg Larmouth, Stephen Baines and Graham Mack all chipped in with the funnies too.

And on the 22nd Justin Moorhouse appeared in his new show -'Ever decreasing Social Circles.' We've had a great crop of previews from performers we're (frankly) lucky to get at our small club and Justin was another big name with a great show. Justin's show whittles down his friends, from the 600 he has according to Facebook, to 5 he can call on in a crisis. We were all sucked in and desperate to get the questions right and stay in with a chance of being Justin's newest pal.

With Chris Ramsey, Ben Sayers and Paul Schmitz all trying out some great new material and oldest member Barry was back on stage as alter-ego Arthur Fernshuttle- always a treat.

July 8th Matt Tiller - Tillerpop!

2008-07-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

8th Matt Tiller
Matt Tiller, comedy song writer, in an hour long preview of his new show. A great night despite the technical hitches (matt brought his brand new projector 200 miles just to play us the windows close-down music.) With support from Dutchman Wouter Meijs, Eddie O'Dwyer and Liam Mcleod.

Why is our picture here? Well It's been relegated after the comments of 'ourman' - "Please please - I never want to see that pic again. Would you want to see these people by only seeing the picture? They all look so incredibly smug. I swear, that picture haunts me. Can't they get a new picture?"

We wouldn't normally give in to blackmail from a single internerd, but he does represent 100% of the feedback we've had in the last 3 months. So maybe we do need a new picture. One with me in the middle, looking more smug than you can possibly imagine.

July 1st-Sarah Millican.

2008-06-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

Edinburgh Preview -Sarah Millican's not nice.

Sarah Millican tells the truth. About her divorce, about fancying gorillas and about being thrown off the Asda Shuttlebus. It was great to have Sarah back with what will be her first Edinburgh show. She started just a few years ago (about when Cal, Al and Pete also set out) but she has rocketed through the comedy ranks and is now surely on the verge of stardom, or at least on the verge of sortofheardofher,isn'tsheonradio4,guestonbuzzcocksdom. As this is her first major show, this brilliant hour can take in all Sarah's best material. But it still feels like a complete themed show - great writing and a woman so adictively funny that we even laughed when was explaining her editing technique.

Also on the night we had 3 lads up from York, regular LLC chum James Christopher who this week put aside story telling, satire, knob gags and defiently gave us a plethora of puns, 2 of which were good enough to stay in his normal set. (Puns eh? We groan but we love 'em really.) Fellow Yorkies Paul Schmitza and Lee Morris also bumped up the laugh quota for the night.

June 24th -Magners Pub Comedian of the Year.

2008-06-19T01:31:00.000-07:00

Magners Pub Comedian of the Year.
Winner Carl Hutchinson

The race to find the best pub comic and the best comedy pub. Some of our regular acts were battling it out for a chance to win the award and a chance to perform at the glasgow festival. And the pub could win an appearance from a top comic! Maybe somone who's been on telly! Competitors this year were:
Lee Chamberlain, Richard Scully, Carl Hutchinson, John Whale, Paul Gerrard, Greg Larmouth, Jeffaz, The Flash, Cath Scott, Little Mo, Martin, Callum Cramb and the Flash.

A great night this week. The lure of the competition had brought a huge mix of comics. We had the first timers hoping their first gig at LLC would lead to a second gig at the Glasgow comedy festival. Among them was little Mo, who'd been calling Al every day trying to get on the bill 'I'm a bit like Bernard Manning, but ruder and funnier' she'd said. We also had a few faces we haven't seen in a while. Cath Scott, the diabetic pixie was back and came 3rd when the votes came in. Jeffers (aka Les Paul Marshall) was another face we haven't seen in a while, actually we still haven't seen it as it was covered in his trademark panda make up and beard. But in the end the worthy winner was Carl Hutchinson. Carl had his first gig at the LLC 18 months ago and has already made it to the final of 'So you think you're funny?' he does comedy all over the country but he loves coming back to the Dog and Parrot to try new material and go through his best bits with a welcoming local audience. So Carl will be the local representing our local in the next round.

June 10th Joy!

2008-06-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

June 10th Joy!
June17th Jason Cook "Best International Show" at the New Zealand Comedy Festival Awards 2008. Bloody hell! How'd we get him? Jason was previewing his new show 'JOY' and it was a corker! Joyous, yet thoughtful, a little sad sometimes but we emerged stronger happier and perhaps a little moist. AND it finished with Santa coming on stage and giving us socks. (I said socks.)

Plus the return to the north of (also)awardwinning Rick Wharton. And support from myspace podcasting nonsense merchants Pirate Chat.

June 3rd- ART.

2008-05-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

Gavin Webster, James Christopher, Chris Tavner, Ging and Chris Brooker's Edinburgh Preview.
Al Dawes took the job of compering the evening with his confident compere chat stylee, had me in fits when asking a girl in the audience a question a male friend spoke for her, to which he replied "you look like a girl but that sounded like a mans voice? Unless you're a man who's put alot of weight on specifically in the chest area" tee hee. First up was Chris Tavanagh with a strong opening set, commenting on how Harold Shipman had significantly depleted his aging mothers social network and giving us a taste of the comments he gets from his celebrity sat nav voiced by Brian Blessed....

...review to be continued. (possibly. I don't know. Callum was doing it this week, that's as far as he got. Maybe he's keeled over and is now dead on the floor of an internet cafe being mistaken for a drunken tramp. Well, I say 'mistaken'.)

May 13th Getting old / Birthdays.

2008-05-08T01:14:00.000-07:00

As Al Dawes hits 30 we were going to look at aging and birthdays, but Al decided he'd prefer a nice meal out with his woman. So Chris Ramsey stepped in to compere, Gav Webster and John Scott showed up to try out some new bits (Thanks lads, always nice when the professionals support out wee club)Paul Gerrard, Sean McLoughlin, and the magic Flash also appeared and real life American also graced our stage.

April 29th Rubbish Movie Club. / May 6th.

2008-03-14T04:11:00.000-07:00

April 29th -Long Live Comedy rubbish movie consortium
A special night - we showed King Kong Escapes on the Big Screen, and Pete, Cal and Al pointed out all the flaws in this awful film. Inspired by the Bad Film Club A brave comedy experiment, a late start (after the computer failed and Pete went home for his playstation) and a few sore bums after 80 minutes on bar stools. There were some great moments. My favourite was when the submarine stopped. 'This looks suspicious' said Pete 'I think they've got some ulterior motive for surfacing here' - Sure enough, the sub comes up, the hatch opens and the captain gets out and has a fag.

May 6th Geeks
Five acts this week- though not the 5 we expected. We had 2 people who didn't show up but they were replaced by 2 professionals who just happend to be in the area. Score! So Dan Willis and John Smith (pictured) gave a pro polish to the start and end of the show. Rob Gilroy is becoming another LLC regular who's doing great things. Every few weeks he's back with a new charachter and so far they've all been brilliant. And in the mix as usual a couple of new guys trying things out. Steve Robertson looked confident before, but fell apart slightly (Yes, Steve, it is harder than it looks.)Eddie O'Dwyer (a pint sized Simon Amstel - if that's possible)looked nervous before but did a well written and nicely performed little set. But hats off to all for trying - from the newbies and the big boys and of course the people who come to watch.

Tuesday 11th March - Food and drink.

2008-03-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...
March 11th Food & Drink
Compere Chris Ramsey ably introduced...
Yorkshireman Richard Scully opened the show slowly with some measured delivery,
Double yorkshire man Lee Smith followed,
Then an excellent protest song from Jerry Buckham,
Club comic Reece Bowman told us a few classic gags,
with Al Dawes being described by chris as a headliner. He blushed.

CAN I HAVE A GO?
If you've always wanted to try your hand, or you've done a few gigs and want more stage time - just pick a date and drop us a line. Send an e-mail.

THE BEST OF LLC, Newcastle & Gateshead Comedy Festival

2008-02-27T00:32:00.000-08:00

We didn't write a review this week - we didn't have to - it was in the Evening Chronicle.

Best down to earth comedy
Mar 5 2008 by Gary Beckwith, Evening Chronicle

THE Best of Long Live Comedy – The Dog & Parrot, Newcastle

Only a great show could top such a fantastic festival opener on Monday and after watching a brilliant two-hour stand up comedy session, it’s safe to say Long Live Comedy did just that.

The show was low-key, but nonetheless provided a night of down-to-earth comedy – all with only a stage and a microphone.

Compere Al Dawes warmed the crowd up superbly with his witty remarks and interaction with the crowd (including myself) on topics such as employment and relationships. Nothing seemed to faze him and, like a true comedian, he had a quick-witted reply for everything.

First up was young comedian Chris Ramsey and his use of colloquial language during his various sketches elicited large laughs from the crowd.

Following was Sean Mcloughlin, an edgy comedian who performed a dark and explicit routine, which was shocking, but funny.

John Whale then appeared and did a set on everything from posh jumpers to clichéd phrases. He was excellent and really had the crowd in stitches.

Callum Cramb was next and mocked Chavs, commenting on everything from their dialect to their dress sense, which was hilarious.

Carl Hutchinson closed by mocking X-Factor. He was just as eccentric as some actual competitors and had great fun with the crowd during this sketch, who laughed along throughout his entire routine.

Long Live Comedy was fantastic and proved that you don’t have to be famous to be funny.

CHRIS CONWAY

Tuesday 26th Feb, CLASS

2008-02-23T05:43:00.000-08:00

With regular hosts Al and Callum (I'll let you guess which is which)

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...
Feb 26th - Class
Opening the show, Donnachda O'Connil, who has taken some time off from gigging, so it was a pleasure to see his classic material after a long lay off.
Gagsmith Paul Gerrard was bemoaning having to suck up to his new boss.
Danny Jackson is another of the comedy flowers of newcastle that is really starting to flourish, with a well worked theatrical set of off-key stories.
Greg Larmouth, was very upset that he didn't get a mention in the press after his last gig! So, you know. Well done on your second gig, we promise to get you in the Metro next time.
Freaky-funny Sarah Speak, and angry young man Carl Hutchinson (can't we all just share?) finished the show.

Tues 19th Feb, Valentines

2008-02-13T00:51:00.000-08:00

A bit late, but the theme was valentine's day.

Matt Davies talked about the old west shootout style excitement of trying to press the pedestrian crossing button before the guy on the other side of the street.

Pirate Chat Another surreal Q and A session from the podcast gurus. Chris had so many lovehearts this Valentine's that his shoes fell off. Ian was worried that he might have married an invisible witch. See them in Durham Sunday March 9th.

Dr. Carlos- Cutting political satire.

David Richards-existential angst and surreal humour. The weirdest thing he did was walk off with Calum's notes.

Chris Martin- he's half posh and half cockernee geezah! (on his mum's side.) Back with some new material, -how rock and roll can you be if the only instrument you play is the recorder?

Tues 5th Feb, Money

2008-01-31T00:52:00.000-08:00

The big news is PETE WENT AND HAVED A BABY!

So welcome to the world young George Thompson. Everyones best regards to the Thompson fambly.

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...
Feb 5th - Money

Long Live Comedy introduced:
Martin McAllister,
Jim Park,
Mikey J,
David Larkins,
James Christopher
John Scott
and
Chris Ramsey

Feb 12th - Dreams

Al Dawes introduced:
John Scott,
Gareth Johnson,
Edward Patrick,
Arne Gahmig
Joby

Tues 22nd Jan, WEATHER

2008-01-16T02:27:00.000-08:00

With regular hosts Al, Callum and Pete.

Because of no internet, new job and a real baby, we fell behind with updates. Just to keep up, in the last two weeks we had:

Jan 22nd - Weather
Al Dawes introducing:
Christian Steel, who was a scary ranty man, but camp with it
Alex Ryden, bought along a posh man called bertie, and talked about bernard, from bernard's watch
Lee Teah, sang a tribute to james (rhymingslang) blunt's you're beautiful
Carlos, who was less weird than normal
Don Barr, who nearly broke his guitar
Gareth Urwin, who was cheeky and chatty
Callum Cramb who I've seen before. Terribly funny fellow.

Jan 29th - Locals
Al Dawes and Pete "seen a baby come out of his wife's clacker" Thompson introduced: Carl Hutchinson, who got angry at strange drunken ladies from Redcar
Rex Purnell, who was sad to see the ladies from Redcar leave
Chris Martin, who is still somehow 8 years old inside
Sean Mcloughlin, would rather he just wasn't here
Paul Gerrard, who has a friend that does voodoo - very funny gagsmith
and Greg?

What to say about Greg? ? Well, there were pretty girls in the room who nearly punched him. And he knows a girl who isn't very good looking, who most likely has self esteem issues, and deals with them the old fashioned way. I don't think he does much to allay those issues to be honest.

CAN I HAVE A GO?
If you've always wanted to try your hand, or you've done a few gigs and want more stage time - just pick a date and drop us a line. Send an e-mail.

Psychology, Tues 15th Jan

2008-01-03T10:23:00.000-08:00

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...
Jan 15th - Psychology
With John Scott, Chris Ramsey, Chris Martin, Tom Roche, Beth Anderson, Sarah Speak, Danny Jackson and Robbie Hearst

Al Dawes opened the show with a bit of a concern that he's the only guy in the north east that didn't get a wii. He was wrong.
Chris Martin had some new ideas, and memories of childhood. And being rude at train ticket inspectors
Chris Ramsey had a few ideas to try, but in Chris' normal way, he mostly enjoyed telling the audience they weren't as cool as him.
Tom Roche finished the first section with tales of scaring off motorway drivers. He's a high energy, slightly scary performer, who is a little too old to still be throwing his weight around like that.
Callum Cramb looked after the middle section with his scary alter-ego. I imagine we will see more of the freak that lives in callums head in the future.
The middle section consisted of the frankly scary Sarah Speak - singing and dancing and frightening me. Danny Jackson explained his recovery from being a serial rapist, and Beth Anderson was trying to be cool, but then failed because she was scared of turning into Pauline Fowler.
Pete Thompson looked after the final section, including Robbie Hearst, who likes that the schools secretary is called Ed Balls (fnurr, fnurr) and finally John Scott, with tales of holidays and prunes. Once again, a pleasure to have such high quality acts topping and tailing the night.

And this week's competition...
What does our Rorschach picture remind you of?

It came down to two options - Bat sex, or a sneeze. And the sneeze won.

18th DEC. COVERS NIGHT.

2007-12-13T09:10:00.000-08:00

It's was an end of term party and our last show before the hols, And the celebs were out in force! Al Murray; Morrisey; Peter cook and Dudley Moore; Bobcat Golthwaite; Larry David... well us pretending to be them in bad wigs.

TUES 11th DECEMBER - ROBOT

2007-12-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

Pete Thompson was compere this week, and cobbled some rubbish together after being told he was running the night alone with 20 minutes notice.
Paul Gerrard started the show with his usual assault of top one-liners.

We saw Alex Ryden at Cool Fun in Durham (it is both cool and fun, and it's over a chip shop) Alex tries to inject excitment into his life by trying to start up programmes on the computer after he's pressed shut down.

Mikey J was up next- it was only his 3rd gig, but he came with his own film crew. A popular act (well the first 2 rows were his mates-thanks for coming guys- saved us from another december wash-out.) but he deserved the laughs, an impressive start from the white Gok Wan - how to look lanky naked.

Next up were pirate chat who've been doing their podcasts for a while but were stepping infront of real people for the first time. A Vic and Bob style question and answer session, it was charming and surreal- it's a long time since an act brought a bottle of Liam Neason's tears on stage.

To wrap up the night Gareth Johnson did a modern folk song on Gordon Brown, and then we had the delights of Nolbert Stump. This week introducing us to a trick involving his pet ferret. It didn't end well for the ferret.

TUE 4TH DECEMBER - YORKSHIRE.

2007-11-29T04:01:00.000-08:00

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...
4th December - Yorkshire
Eee by gum. Ekee Thump. On Ilkley Moor bar tat. etc.

The Yorkshire Invasion this week (with a cheeky scot in for good measure)
James Christopher welcomed us to the evening, and we kicked off with:

Tom Walker, who talked at great lenght about how he looks a bit gay, and then at even greater length about dirty, dirty pornography. He was followed by Lee Chamberlain, who also talked about dirty porn.
Following on from that, we had Richard Scully, who had some good tightly written material, some of it was about dirty porn. It was somewhere during this that three old ladies who looked a bit lost, left the room.

Section two saw the four yorkshiremen sketch beautifully re-created. 'I remember my first gig, it were down t'pit.' 'You were lucky!' very nice work it was too.

We also enjoyed the work of Kate Fox, who talked about Jism, Sam Gore, who talked about porn, and John Scott, who mercifully didn't mention porn at all. Though he did try to get into the spirit of things by scribbling a swastika on his notepad.

Finally, the night closed with Al Dawes forgetting it was his turn to go on stage, and Dan Bland giving us a lovely turn. He barely mentioned porn at all.

TUE. 27th NOV - WILD ANIMALS.

2007-11-23T02:56:00.001-08:00

A small crowd this week, which was a shame as 3 of our acts had come all the way from Bonnie Scotland. Lizzie Moran, Chris Forbes and Jason Arnstein came a long way to play to 10 people. Still, everyone settled down with a lovely 'there's not many of us but we're bloody well going to enjoy it' attitude, and the night turned out to be a good 'un.

Also appearing (but not travelling so far were) Tony Basnett, Gareth Johnson, and Robbie Hearst.

TUES. 20TH NOVEMBER. Fashion

2007-11-12T00:15:00.000-08:00

With Carl Hutchinson who was wondering why the student population of Jesmond wear sandals and scarves - are they cold or hot? A memorable performance from Ross Nolan (Cal actually says that on our voice recorder- but then couldn't remember anything except the fact he was good.) Dickie Gardner moaned about bad lyrics, and explained the English language (I don't know- I was at the back I couldn't hear.) Chris Ramsey returned from New York after winning the Galaxy Radio Comp, and he'd seen the most casual example of peeing in the street- the Guy didn't even stop walking. Adam Tempest "stormed it again!" - we let him review himself this week but he's not far off. And Joby finished the night off.

Sorry it's a crap review. We were drunk. We loved the acts - just couldn't remember what they'd said afterwards.

TUES 6TH NOV. - SIMPLE PLEASURES

2007-11-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

This week we discussed those simple pleasures that can bring so much joy. Al is a fan of the 'crisp fart' -that waft of flavour that first explodes from a bag of Walkers. Pete's takes a simple pleasure in scratching his athletes foot, so much so that he never has the heart to complete the course of treatment and finally get rid of it.

It was Dave Dynamite's birthday, and what better way to celebrate than entertaining 30 people above a pub for no money. He's not buitter though, and put on a brilliant preformance as always.

The one-man freakshow that is Nolbert stump was back, looking frankly terrifying and ending his set by sawing a violin in half. It's a good thing the physical actor behind it all (Joe Hope) has used his power to make us laugh. If he decided to play it seriously Stump could scare the bejesus out of you.

Sean McLoughlin is one of the little flowers we've seen bloom in the LLC nursery. He's just about ripe now with a storming set including a humbling meeting with God 'Sean, I was pissed when I made you.'

TUE. 30th October - Halloween

2007-10-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

A small crowd, but then half the acts didn't show up either. But Gareth Johnson, Arthur Fernshuttle, and Simon Gunnell all put in a great performance that deserved a bigger crowd. Gareth had made an effort, dressed in a crisp white linen suit - makes a change from all these scruffy times getting on stage in jeans. He used a clever pavlovian technique to guarantee a good reception, by conditioning us to cheer whenever he didn't need his notes and threw a page away. Audience regular Barry was back as his alter ego Arthur Fernshuttle, Gatesheads premiere upholsterer. He's already been signed up for our chilli gig- there's a big future for this young man. Finally, a great LLC debut for Simon Gunnel on the horrors of School reunions and wanting to relive his life to the theme from Top Gun.

And as it was Halloween, Hairy Grey Booze Ghost made an appearance too.

Tues 23rd Oct - Dreams

2007-10-18T01:55:00.000-07:00

This week we're lucky - a surprise visit from Dan Willis to start the show, and even his mum (slightly worse for the drink) in the audience didn't put him off. He noticed that the Dog and Parrot is one of the few places that don't now have advertising in the toilets. Well, we don't have paper in the toilets either, or doors.
Lee Chamberlain was up next. He's got a lot in common with Jesus. Jesus was a fisherman- he likes scampi. Sian Bevan stopped off during her tour which takes stand up comedy to kids. It's the same set, just with a few careful substitutions - so the story sbout her promiscuous friend who's never had an STI becomes the one about the girl who plays loads of tennis, but has never twisted her ankle. Tony Basnett was back fir his second gig ever and is coming along nicely (another comedy flower sprining up in the LLC nursery) He'd been happy slapped and couldn't understand why anyone would do it- if you go to all that bother, why not take the wallet as well?Finally Joby was back - the young tyke is still having problems with the ladies, but makes up by taking self-love to almost professional levels. What a w^&%$£@!

Lee and Joby Pictured.

OCTOBER 16TH - HEALTH.

2007-10-15T05:17:00.000-07:00

Some of this week's stars- Tom, Harry, Don and James.

OUR SHOW THIS WEEK...

The theme was health, so the competition was Doctor, doctor...

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together.
Doctor, doctor, I fell like a twisted aeroplane. Straighten up and fly right.
Doctor, doctor, I feel compelled to sprinkle herbs on the carpet. Stop wasting my thyme.

The winner was: Doctor, doctor, can I get an appointment? Some time this year?

On the bill this week - Don Moses, with some magical dexterity, and topical stuff - apparently Middlesbrough is the worst place in the country to live. They invented the parmo for god's sakes!
James Christopher chatted about his life and trials of being a comedian, and basked in the reflected glory off having a grandmother who got locked in a toilet for 12 hours.
Tom Walker apparently looks a bit gay. And was liberal with his use of the word 'finger-bang'. There was a touch of the Graham Nortons about him.
Big man Harry Charisma was a trifle upset at the casual use of language, 'all the time' is only 3 syllables, so why are people saying '24/7'?
We finished with a man called Paulo, from somewhere in south america, who was trying to fit in by singing a song about how the british clearly loved their trousers.

OCT. 9TH - Manners.

2007-10-03T00:17:00.000-07:00

OUR WEEKLY SHOW THIS WEEK...
9th October - Manners
LLC introduce: Dee Custace, Don Moses, Adam Tempest, Carlos, Robbie Hearst, Chris Martin and Sean McLaughlin.

25TH SEP. -HELP! AND 2ND OCT. - SARCASM.

2007-09-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

25th September - Help!
Chris Ramsey back from his long Summer hols introduced Kate Fox with her charming poetry, comedy and pink flying V ukelele. James Harris, of shameless films, who is often seen with his sketch partner, was back to do his solo stand up set - explaining why George Bush refers to his countrymen as pubic wigs. Steffen Peddie made a welcome return with an extended set, and a new rockabilly look.

2nd October - Sarcasm
After Steff last week, another local pro. returned to try out a longer set, so you lucky people were treated to 30 minutes in the company of Sarah Millican. Also appearing (as far as I know, I was actually off with flu) were Tom Roche, Graham Lee and Dickie Gardner.

18TH SEP- Fish.

2007-09-14T00:44:00.000-07:00

Some of this week's acts- Gav, Danny, Sarah, Carl and Robbie.

Gavin Webster, a northeast comedy legend, was down to start the night off. Some brilliant stuff and he even brought his guitar for a musical tribute to Midlesborough.

Danny Jackson was back, with the embrassing truth abut having an aging punk for a dad. It livens up car trips- 'I am an antichrist!.... What 'am I Karen?'

Sarah Speak, comedy gold, or worrying psychological problem? She doesn't trust people in case they're being operated by borrowers who've tunnelled into the brain.

Liam MacLeod-pronounced 'm'cloud' spent some time talking about his embarrassingly wimpy name... we all thought it's pretty cool, he's named after highlander for god's sake.

Carl Hutchinson reminded us that there's always a sob story on x factor. It's not enough to sing, you have to sing and have a relative in a coma.

Robbie Hurst, some good gags and a big slice of good old bill hicks style ranting.

And to finish John Scott, trying out a few new ideas, as usual better than most people's A1 stuff. So some promising newbies but the night topped and tailed by the big guns of Northeast comedy, not bad for £2.

The theme was fish and the competition was fishy song book...

Sitting on Haddock of the Bay.
Somewhere over the rainbow trout.
And the winner... Shaduppa your plaice.

4th, 11th September.

2007-08-31T00:55:00.000-07:00

A more detailed review may follow nce we pull our finger out, in the meantime, here's who was on...

4th- Richard Coughlan, James Christopher, Flash, Sean Turner and Danny Case.

11th- Tony Basnett, Paul Gerrard, Mark Allen, Paul Smith, Neil Davis and Ric Wharton.

14th, 21st, 28th August.

2007-08-10T00:54:00.000-07:00

We've just returned from a busy Edinburgh festival, so the reviews of the last few weeks have been a bit rushed. However, for the record here's what happened...

14th August - Pagans
Paul Schmitz, Carl Huthinson, Beth Anderson, Sean McLaughlin and others... a good night to see us off, also included Pete's Edinburgh preview- That 'Ladies' song with glorious new backing track.

21st August - TBA
Carl Hutchinson took a break from Edinburgh himself to come and do our show for us- what a trooper! With John Scott, Ric Wharton, Flash, Sean Turner, and Martin Irving.

28th August - TBA
The LLC triumphantly returned from Edinburgh to introduce: Lee Teah, Dickie Gardner, Carlos and Dave Dynamite... It looked like it might be another quiet night, but at 5 to 9 the reinforcements arrived. Despite the rain, the football and the fact it was the day after a bank holiday, the crowd came out and we had a lovely night.

7TH AUGUST Climate Change.

2007-08-06T02:39:00.000-07:00

With James Christopher, John Scott, Don Barr, GING and Joby.

James Christopher was up with some new material and his Marks and Sparks soup, with it's lid sticker which has the power to dictate his emotional state for a whole season. Luckily it uses it's power for good, saying 'Enjoy Summer'. Al Dawes appeared as an act, celebrating new love and bemoaning climate change - those killer catapillars aren't as bad as 'The Sun' made out. Ging was back, he's 19 next week and still hasn't written any material- still oddly compelling, though. Don Barr had a cracking gig! Back with his guitar to update nursery rhymes, and with his I-pod to select the best music for a funeral. Joby came by to explain why he went ginger by accident. Finally, pro comic John Scott came in to hone some new material and treat us to some polished stuff too. John can tell you exactly why a terrorist attack on Scotland is doomed to fail- Even the romans stopped at Scotland!

31st July - Summer Holidays

2007-07-30T00:49:00.000-07:00

The LLC regulars in The Winston Churchill Story, Flash, Sean Turner, Jamie Rothwell, Steff Peddie, also appearing were Chris Ramsey and Paul Gerrard.

Sean turner started us off with with a set which included his invention- 'the imortality box'- a converted plant pot on the head, based on the theory that no one has ever died with a plant pot on their head. Up next was the magical Flash, with his version of 'Play your Cards Right.' He did the same act last year, but he's improved it no end- he can actually do a Brucie accent now. Paul Gerrard was back with another flotilla of killa one liners. (You can use that quote on your posters, Paul.)

Then Pete, Cal and Al took over the middle section to tell the story of Churchill, as hilarious as it was informative, this ended with stand up sets from Hitler, Stalin and the great man himself.

Chris Ramsey took to the stage so his film crew (yes, he really had a film crew.) could capture his best bits, Chris is making a video to show all the New York promoters when he's there for the comedy festival. (yes, he really is going to the NY comedy festival.) Jamie Rothwell was back for his second appearance with a very smooth set. He's the guy who has to investigate our insurance claims, naturally he gets a lot of tall tales. 'Some charvas off the estate broke in, my collection of faberge eggs was completely ruined.' Finally Steff Peddie (off of the telly) made a welcome return and closed the night in fine style.

24TH JULY- CELEBRITY.

2007-07-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

The best show in ages! A big crowd, spurring on all the acts to greater things, it made for an unforgetable night!

Wih Ian Fox -previewing his Edinburgh show, ' One Man Defective Story', Dikie Gardener, Ric Wharton, John Scott and Adam Tempest.

Also appearing, Danny Jackson.

Ian Fox started us off with a sneeky peek at his new show for the Edinburgh festival, 'One man defective story'. The defective man in question is Ian himself, an alternative title could be 'What's wrong with me?'- a question Ian is asked a bit too often. So the show is an investigation into himself, asking various witnesses and sniffing out clues to see what is wrong with Ian fox.

After Ian, who went on first to get used to warming up cold crowds, we were back with the usual LLC fare. The quirky world of uber-nerd Adam tempest. The boistrous joviality of Dicky Gardner (this week wondering why Mr. T was wasted on advertisng Snickers- Surely the airline B.A. have missed a trick.) Pete Thompson finished the first section with a song urging us to count out blessings - at least were never eaten by dangerous animals, which was a rousing end to a great section.

Ric wharton, is going from strength to strength and developing into a surprisingly dark, but very funny act. This week he was both behind the times and cutting edge, getting poy and Simo Weston into the same joke. Danny Jackson made his debut with a very entertaining 5 minutes, on the new trend of Face Book 'it's social pokemon, gotta cAtch them all!' Finally a long missed John Scott was back, with a bumper holiday special and tales of his Roman holiday. John even picked up a smattering of Italian, which sounds quite sophisticated until you work out it's the health warning from his fag packets.

17TH JULY -'LOVE'

2007-07-12T00:35:00.000-07:00

With Phil Buckley, Don Moses, Joby and Carl Hutchinson.

A treat tonight as Phil Buckley was performing an Edinburgh Preview show, 'Stroke the Panda!' the tale of Phil's quest to find that special someone, -somone who's up for Panda loving. From dates (speed, blind and just plain awful) to chat up lines, internet matchmakers, and good old friends sticking their oar in.

But that wasn't all. We had Carl with some of his classic material, and he also started a lively topical debate among the crowd- Pickled Onion Monster Munch? Yay or Nay.

Joby was back, he's unlucky with women, pets and chavas- well if you insist on giving them grammar lessons, it's bound to upset them.

Don was back with an amazing new trick- he can guess and write down any word you think of. Unfortunately due to an age related dyslexia, he can't spell it.

JULY 10TH- GREAT BRITONS.

2007-07-05T00:53:00.000-07:00

With Jenny Armstrong, Beth Anderson, Adam Tempest, Flash and Sean Turner.

3RD JULY -THE COUNTRY LIFE.

2007-06-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

With the regular hosts gigging in Scotland, the show was left in the capable hands of Chris Ramsey. He introduced Don Moses, Carl Hutchinson, The Shameless sketch group, Nolbert Stump and Ric Wharton.

The competition was Farmer's Song book.
Songs whch would appeal to the farming community...

I love you just the way oo 'ar.
Hey, you, get off of my land.

TUE. 26TH JUNE -SUPERHEROES.

2007-06-24T04:24:00.000-07:00

Lee Teah, Paull Gerrard, Ging and Joby.

Cal took on the compere duties this week, he was annoyed because he'd just been barred from a myspace page that specialises in 'Your mother's so...' jokes. He told us the joke, which nearly approached high theatre, being the most elaborate 'kiddie fiddler' pun imaginable.

Paul Gerrard gave us another helping from his ever growing sack of 1-liners. Linda McCartney burgers? They must be out of date.

Ging the mirthiless was back again with his impressive stage presence and even more impressive lack of material. One week the competition may well be 'write Ging's act'... actualy that's not a bad idea.

Lee Teah gave us a day in his life, From breakfast in McDonalds to a night at the social, and finished off by expressing his admiration for Beyonce, with the best comedy use of 'Who's the Daddy?' we've ever heard.

Joby, young but ambitious (yes it does say 'The Joby Show.' on his T-shirt) finished off the show with a great set, especially considering he'd just come along to watch.

A short show this week, we simply finished with the competition- new super heroes. Ging and Rick Wharton joined us onstage to act out the efforts of Heart Attack Boy, 1970's Dead Racist Comedian Man, Everything Rhymes man and the Constantly Surprised Avenger to save the earth.

19TH JUNE - CRIME.

2007-06-18T01:13:00.000-07:00

80's Luke and James Christopher. -No Camera this week, so apologies to the other guys.

We're coming into the Summer lull and the audience was small this week. Small but perfectly formed as all 5 of them stayed to the end of the show, gave us advice on how to drum up more business and comisserated with the Manchester acts for coming so far for such a small audience. 5 like that are worth a roomful of chatters and hecklers.

Among those travelling up to 50 miles per audience member was James Christopher of York, he actually invented this week's competition, Arnie's terminal put-downs. As the theme is crime, we wanted to celebrate that bad-guy eliminating machine; Heir Swartzenneger. James helped us come up with Arnie style 'death puns' based on occupations...

After shootting an evil a printer 'You have been erased'.

When sword fighting with an evil barber 'Would you like anymore off the top?'

And for an I.T. support officer, who's gun has just jammed, Arnie says 'Did you try turning it off and on again?' But Jame's tough guy image isn't perfect. Inspired to learn Kung-fu, his mum enrolled him for Judo, a purely defensive sport. He can't beat anone up unless they're also wearing a pyjama top with big lapels.

Then came the manchester guys. Kev Rook is going through a midlife crisis, but is there ever a time when it's OK to eat cereal from the box in your pants.

Richards Swan, who we last saw as part of the bizarre 'toothpaste experience' gave us a solo spot. It's the same act, minus the little guy who was even more weird. Brilliant surreal one liners, with a slow motion delivery (which is sometimes needed, as you have to think about some of these lines.)

80's Luke was here, and we learned the origin of his name - it's not that he makes 1980's references, it's because he likes an older lady. That and his Stevie Wonder impersonations are worth the entrance fee alone.

Chris tavener finished up with a notebook of new material, and ended with the best / most unfortunate fraudian slip. Half way between 'Thanks for coming out TO nIGHT / THIS eveing.' Chris finished his act with 'Thanks for coming to this shite.'

-Well, you can't win em all.

12TH JUNE - TRANSPORT

2007-06-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

With The Shameless Films Sketch Troupe, David Blair, Don Moses(Not pictured but you all know Don.) Danny Case, Kate Fox and Don Barr.

A wonderful mixed bag of comedy this week - Stand up from Danny Case and David Blair; sketches from shameless; and a few comedy cocktails - Comedy and magic mixed by Don Moses - And stand up with a hint of music and a twist of poetry from Kate fox and Don Barr.

The competition was World's Worst Pilot imagine the worst possible message that could come over the tanoy while at 30,000 feet... We usually give you the winners but today here are some of the ones I've just found which we forgot to read out...

"The second engine's gone, we're going down. And I never wanted to be a pilot anyway, I wanted to be a lumberjack.."

"Big bird has just shat on the windscreen."

"Prepare for warp speed!"

5-June Rock n Roll

2007-06-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

Some of the acts this week- Ben Davis; Steffan Peddie; Ging; Sean Mcloughlin.

Al introduced Ben Davis, who got the ball rolling with tales of his failing love life. He knew she was too posh for him when she sliced fruit onto her cereal. Steffan Peddie popped in to give us some new material. The fun of lying to kids - 'Horses eat people!' - then taking them to Heartlepool and seeing the amazement when they find out the story about them hanging the monkey was actually true!

In part two we saw first timer Brian Errick, a fine musician trying his hand at comedy songs for the first time. A promising start, though sometimes we couldn't quite make out the funny lyrics under the impressive guitar playing.
Next up was Ging the Mirthiless. Ging is still working on his unique approach to comedy, which today consisted of walking onstage, sitting down, having a fag, and waiting until the novelty wore off.

Sean McLoughlin stuck to the rock n roll theme and wondered where today's rock heros are. In the 60's was Keith Moon, we've got Jamie Theakston. Last up was was Jobie, possibly our youngest performer ever. He actually knows someone called 'Dirty Sanchez' and he lived up to the name - when someone suggested playing the dubious 'biscuit game' Sanchez had one question,'What Kind of biscuit?'

The competition was Rock n Roll animals. Pete's example was the Led Zep classic 'Whole Otter Love' - which didn't sound that good until he returned to the stage with the tune blaring and a picture of an otter, proving that the song was now ruined for all present. But inspired by such antics we had a bumper crop of top suggestions...

Aerosmith - Love in an alligator.
The Smiths - Shark lifters of the World / This Charming Manatee.
Simply Red - Holding back the ears.

29 May - The Blues.

2007-05-30T02:04:00.000-07:00

This week another full crowd! Thanks for coming out. And a great line up onstage, With Tom Mitchell, Adam Tempest, Dave Dynamite, Nish and Chris Ramsey.

Tom Mitchell started us off, with the smoking ban coming he'll finally be rid of lazy smokers asking for a light, at least heroin adicts carry their own equiptment. A nice start to the show from one of the masterminds behind the Belly Rub Sketch group.

Adam Tempest was next up, representing all the hypocondriac comedians out there. Just don't call him a 'hypo' - it sounds like a disease and he'll think he's got it.

Dave Dynamite stepped up to plug a gap in the schedule, and destroyed the mic stand within seconds of getting on the stage, fortunately he also reduced the audience to tears, so we'll forgive him.

Next up was Nish - sent as a substitute by Ed Gamble who had a dicky tummy. Nish turned out to be the super sub, delivering a great set encompassing drive by racism and strategies for getting out of fights, through the use of ballroom dancing.

Finally Chris Ramsey took to the stage with a collection of new material - he's saving his best stuff for next week at the Chillingham- see our monthly gig. Still a great end to a great night.

The theme was 'The Blues' so for the competition Pete and Cal - or Bobby 'torn ligament' Thompson, and Jack 'broken fingers' Cramb (to use their blues names) performed your blues lyrics. Our favourite was

I woke up this morning, my Boyfriend was dead, My PMT was so bad, I'd punched him til he bled. (and it was by a girl too.)

22nd May - Competitions

2007-05-23T03:53:00.000-07:00

22nd May - Competitions.

Al Dawes manfully forgot to mention the theme, and talked a bit too much about sex. He introduced:

Donnachda O'Conill - who is not a cheeky Irish chappy full of blarney at all;
Paul Gerrard - LLC's favourite gag machine;
Jo-Bie - who is EIGHTEEN, remember that, EIGHTEEN!;
Andy Taylor - it was Andy's first attempt, we hope to see him back soon;
Julie Dunstone - back up again to talk about smoking and farting;
Dave McCue - big fan of geordie flight crew
Dave Dynamite - with all manner of manic fresh material...if only Richard and Judy were more working class...

15th May - Workaholics

2007-05-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

15th May - Workaholics.

Guest compere Don Moses took control for the whole night, doing magic, performing to camera, and generally being the all round entertainer that he is.

Also performing on the night were:
Kate Fox - poet turned comedian possibly turning back a bit to a poet;
Michael Hunter - regular punter who is just starting to entertain;
Dickie Gardener - Hexham chunky monkey who has just recovered from a mystery illness;
Ric Wharton - Sick little puppy with a cheeky grin, so you don't always realise the unadulterated foulness pouring forth from him
Callum Cramb - Our very own man inviting jokes from the audience, and telling tales of recent conquests.

1st May - Madness.

2007-05-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

Guest Compere Chris Ramsey introduces the LLC experience, Danny Case, Sean Mcloughlin, Ric Wharton, James Christopher and Carl Hutchinson.(Not pictured.)

1st May - Madness.
Back to (sort of) respectable numbers after a poorly attended couple of weeks. And we were certainly back to full strength on the stage, with a packed bill of great acts. Guest compere Chris Ramsey did a great job...

...more later.

The competition was Am I going Mad?
We all have occassional mental lapses which may be the first signs of mental colapse. We asked 'What have you done recently which led you to ask, 'Am I going loopy?'
-I say 'Ow!' if my backdoor slams particularly hard. Am I going Mad?
-I just unwrapped a toffee, threw it in the bin and put the paper in my mouth. Am I going Mad?
-After an hour of searching I found my glasses in the fridge. Am I going Mad?

Our winner was the woman who panicked during her driving test and took the instruction 'go straight over the roundabout' too literally.

24th April- Cry God for Harry, England and St George!

2007-04-29T00:33:00.000-07:00

Al introduced, Don Moses, Adam Tempest, Paul Gerrard and James Harris.

The day after St George's and patriotic Al tried to big-up England without sounding racist. Al was impressed by St. George's most famous act - killing the dragon - he'd tried to beat up the faries at the bottom of his garden and they'd pummelled him.

Don Moses started the show, and as a man of a certain age wondered why he was being targeted by e-mails offering viagra. Or viagroo - as it's usually spelt to avoid the spam blockers. Don was sceptical- if they can't even spell it, how do they manage to manufacture it?

James Harris made his LLC debut, and only his second gig ever. But it was a brilliant 5 minutes of great material, and left us wanting more. He showed the confidence of a man who knows he's wearing 'Calvin Klein's MInce'.

Finishing the show were regular LLC contributers Adam Tempest and Paul Gerrard. Adam's relaxed style and Paul's barrage of one-liners made for a cracking end to the show.

17th April - Frogs.

2007-04-19T23:51:00.000-07:00

This show was titled frogs because we'd planned to do a sketch about tadpoles, but in the end it never mateialised, so we were left with this rather odd theme for no aparent reason. Not that it mattered, the post holiday lull finally arrived and not many people came out - just a group of the hardcore regulars who are used of our little ways.

Making the Best of it were; Dave Dyanamite, Dave Howarth, Graham Lee and Nish.

A cracking start from LLC regular Dave Dynamite, who had to rush off for his second gig of the night at another venue. Topical as always, Dave started with our theme and stuck with it for almost a whole second.

Next up, two lads who'd driven all the way from Leeds to amuse the assembled few. Dave Howarth stuck to the theme, he actually turned out to be bit of an expert on amphibians, though chiefly on what happens when you're mowing the lawn too near the pond. Dave must also be the only man in the world who was prevented from having sex by 40 drunk cheerleaders, and was pleased about it. Graham Lee was up with a cracking run through topics from the YMCA, E-bay and scrabble, and one of the nearest the knuckle jokes we've heard in a while.

Nish, a regular of the Durham comedy scene, was making his first LLC appearance and impressed everyone with an assured stage presence, original lines and a great turn of phrase. (Or good vocabulary, as Al first put it.)

The LLC regulars completed the line up, with Pete compereing and Al and Cal doing the honours for the last part of the show. Particularly nice were Al's gentle tales of life in the Oxfordshire village where he grew up. Until he moved to Newcastle he didn't realise it was unusual to start an anecdote with the words 'You know those kids in your class with the extra fingers...'

10th April- Keeping Up

2007-04-11T01:07:00.000-07:00

This week's theme was Keeping UpCallum introduced Don Moses, Stu Robertson, Don Barr, Viv, and John Scott.

The competition was Keeping it up too long.
What childish habits do you keep up, even though you should really know better?

April 3rd. The sound of silence.

2007-04-05T01:39:00.000-07:00

Al introduced; Gav Webster, James Christopher, Carl Hutchinson, Michael Hunter, Chris Ramsey,

also apperaring were Adam Tempest and Edgar J. Stankmire.

Al was compere this week, and stuck with the difficult theme. 'Silence doesn't have a sound - what else is there to talk about?' He did swing it round to the impression you make before you spoil it by opening your mouth. If you look like someone famous then your first impression is more to do with them than you. According to a website which will automatically compare your face with world celebrities, Al's first impression is a mix of Kim Jong Il and Heidi Klum.

James Christopher, who often appears as guest compere - to prepare for his own comedy nights in York - was back as an act this week. Last time we heard his relationship was on shakey ground, due to having arguments with the eastenders theme tune in the background. Now James has realised it was a doomed chewing gum relationship - the more effort you put in the more dull and unpalatable it becomes.

Next up was a real treat, we finally got local comedy legend Gav Webster to the stage. Great material and just as impressive ad-libs, (To a reluctant punter 'You don't have to pretend to like it- we're not in Iran') Even though he was on second, for 10 minutes, he still bothered to bring hs guitar and amp along and gave us a song that the middlesborough tourist board is surely going to snap up. You can see Gav at Northern stage in his own show on the 11th and 12th of May.

Next up was first timer Michael Hunter. He's been a regular in the crowd for a few months and decided to have a go, and (hats off) it wasn't bad for a first attempt.

Pete Thompson was up next as broadway producer Edgar P. Stankmire, in a scene adapted from a sit-com script. Was it drama? Was it stand up? Did it work? Not really, no. But new acts and new ideas are all part of the LLC spirit, even if they do sometimes fall on their arse.

From falling on arses to standing on heads, as Carl Hutchinson demonstrated how to get the latest styling look; 1. apply gel 2. do a breakdance head spin. Voila! Daft hair. Carl got the evening up and running again - Come to our monthly gig on Thursday to see him again.

Finishing off the night were the laid back Adam tempest and the hyper Chris Ramsey. Both very good, but this is the point where we stopped making notes again... So if you were there, and you have something to say about the night, leave a comment.

27th March. The Unexplained.

2007-03-29T01:24:00.000-07:00

With Compere Al Dawes, 80s Luke, Danny Case, Mr. Arthur Fernshuttle.

Also with Don Moses, The Flash and Ging (who had a bad gig but never showed his disappointment.)

Newly shaven Al was host this week, and had unpredictable results from the start. Even using the compere standard question 'what's your name?' didn't go smoothly. The first two girls Al spoke to were both called Laura, which caused insant confusion. Al then dicovered a Glyniss who couldn't pronounce her own name 'I can't say it, but it's like Guiness with an L' she explained.

80s Luke was up first, conscious of his weight, and with a raft of one liners 'My girlfriend spiked my drink- with Slimfast.' He's also developing a range of new toys. How about Mr Dictator Head, -essentially a potato with a Sadam Hussein moustache.

Danny Case made his LLC debut, lamenting life as a 19 year old student with a 35 year old face. But he obviously doesn't live up to the maturity of his looks, 'Budweiser, that's the beer that makes you talk to your shoes at bus stops.'

A real treat now as we finally cajoled one of our regulars into taking the stage. Barry appeared as Mr. Arthur Fernshuttle, Gateshead's premier upholsterer (never knowingly understuffed) He was happy to be in Newcastle, or the 'Gateshead of the North' as it likes to be known. A great performance, peppered with beautifully worded phrases. We can't remember them, but they were good.

The Flash wowed us with a new take on the simple cup and ball trick. Man, that guy can handle his balls. And where did that lime come from?

As a professonal entertainer (unlike us amateurs) Don Moses can watch the same TV as the students. He was back with tales of the delights of Jeremy Kyle (For people who think Trisha is a bit to cerebral.)

Up to now there hadn't been much on our theme of the unexplained. But Ging the Mirthiless was headlining, and 2 weeks ago he'd said 'Oh, Can I do that 'unexplained' theme, I've got a great book and I've got loads of material for it.' Cut to the night in question. 'I lost the book, I'll just wing it.' And wing it he did. And lo, the wing fell off and he did roll from the stage and lie in a heap of his own untapped potential. The most remarkable thing was how long the audience chuckled along quite happily, before realising he had no material. Ging has a very good stage persona, and one of these days he will turn up with some material to match it and will be cheered to the rafters. One day.

20th March - This week in History.

2007-03-23T01:02:00.000-07:00

Some of our stars this week, Ashley Frieze, Lee Chamberlin, and Don Moses.

Also appearing were Tom Mitchell and romantic novelist Selsdon Crupp.

York's James Christopher was compereing the first section again and warned us of the dangers of making improtant anouncements when Eastenders is about to finish. (Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun!) It makes things sound more dramatic than they are and may cause cockneyism. He introduced Tom Mitchell (of the fabulous sketch group Belly Rub) was flying solo this week with his stand up- he wondered why smokers are so disorganised, smack addicts don't ask you for a syringe.
Don Moses was back, wondering why football dugouts are now called 'technical areas' - there's nothing very technical about telling someone to f@&*($ hit it.

Pete was compere for the rest of the night, and soon abandonned his 'this week in history' themed material- it turned out to be informative but not funny, which is why no one else had bothered with it. Instead he got stuck in the logical problems of 'ripping the piss' put of someone for going to the toilet - are you actually helping them? The plucky recipient was Seb Proudfoot, and came in for more abuse when we pondered how he got his name. 'Well, I'm a baker, so I'll be Joe Baker. What about Seb?' 'Well, he's very proud of his feet.' Cheers Seb.

Lee Chamberlain has been unlucky in love. He did meet a nice girl on line. From Thailand. Called Dave. A nice set from a nice bloke, making an overdue return after his first LLC gig last year.

Finally, Ashley Freize was the first musical act we've had in ages. Songs of bum love, stalkers, and the horror that is eurovision. All in one jolly, guitar stummin' package.

13th March. Travel.

2007-03-15T01:02:00.000-07:00

With Chris Martin, Adam Tempest, Paul Gerrard, Sean Mcloughlin, Dicky and Vladamir McTavish. (And Stu Robertson, who got the no photo short straw.)

Chris Martin was special guest host this week, and a blinding job he did. Chris certainly mined some comedy gold out of this week's audience, we had the Hexam dog fighting league (they don't make dogs fight each other- that would be cruel. They just fight the dogs themselves.)

Adam tempest was up first, on his second gig, but very promising. At one point we thought he might be a racist, but he actually meant to say 'foxes' not 'chinese'. King of one liners, Paul Gerrard, was back, and exploiting his striking resemblance to Britney Spears. Sean Mcloughlin returned- self derprication and illusions of grandure in one paradoxical passage. He claimed to be born in bethlehem, but later admitted his child psychologist feared for his mental health, as she'd never seen so much radiohead in one bedroom. Stu Robertson was back, with a solid routine rather than his usual last minute ramble. He's the closest we get to a social conscience, Stu highlighted the case of the Jamaican woman who's being deported- even though both her sons are soldiers who've served in Iraq. To lessen the imigrant burden Stu offered to go to Afganistan himself (why should people trafficers go back with an empty van) he doesn't have much on. Dicky, with the Hexam possie in tow, introduced us to the world of pornographic mime- an untapped genre. Finishing off was Vladamir Mc Tavish, he was delighted to be in newcastle- because he could actually smoke indoors.

The competition was this old joke...

My Wife went on holiday.
Jamaica?
No, She went of her own accord.

Alaska?
There's no need to ask her, I've just told you.

Chris didn't have much faith in it, saying 'I think those are the only 2 that work, If anyone gets another one I'll buy them a drink.' And true enough answers were thin on the ground but the victor was;

Madagascar?
No, she wasn't mad so I didn't gas her.

You wags!

6th March -Our Birthday.

2007-03-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

Yes. We were 1 year old this week, and to celebrate the occassion we had Sean Moran, Tim Craven, Ross Nolan, Phil Buckley and Belly Rub and headliner Sahrah Millican (Outdoing everyone with her diamonte clown nose.)

Cal was compere tonight, and had to work hard as there were performing arts tutors in the front row, including a voice coach, so call had to watch his r's. On another note he'd heard that hot baths are bad for the sperm count. Cal's not ready for kids so he's considering squating over the stuve and boiling his spuds (ooh, we're a classy buch at the LLC.)

A packed bill tonight, and dave dynamite was squeezed in at the last minute too (making up for the times he's been here and played to 2 blokes and a dog) A great high-energy start. But By the way Dave, 'bundle' is called 'pile on' in the North.

Sean Moran is a nice guy - But is that an impressive thing? It's a lot easier to be nice than a philandering heart-breaking bastard. Still, the crowd loved him. They offered to take him for a romantic night out.

Tim Craven wowed us with a song he's writing for his girlfriend. But he didn't bring his guitar so it was a poem basically. But it didn't ryhme or scan. So it was some words. Anyway, among the many ways he shows his love was running the tap until the water gets cold- so his lady love is free of tepid squash anguish. Brill.

-more later.... as I've got to go to work, and this is where Al took over writing notes and I can't read his writing.

Following a break we had the slightly loopy ramblings of Ross Nelson in front of his tutor and the aforementioned voice coach. Ross was the least experienced comic on the bill by some distance, but managed to ride the good feeling of our excellent start.

Next up, Belly Rub - local sketch group, go see their show in the cumberland arms at the end of March - gave us some of their old favourites. I don't wish to ruin the surprise of their night. I would just heartily recommend them.

Phil Buckley chatted to us about life and love, with a lovely stage presence and some killer chatup lines - he was one of our first invaders from outside Newcastle back in April, it was great to have him back.

Finally TLSM (the lovely Sarah Millican) popped onto stage and just spouted some musings she had had over the last few weeks, which was far and away funnier and better than the rest of us with our material that took 2 years to polish! She was brilliant as ever, and we can't wait until she is back again!

25th Feb Myspace.

2007-03-02T00:31:00.000-08:00

This week's theme was Myspace, so thanks to Tom who made it all possible.
With Don Moses, Chris Ramsey, Ric Wharton, Callum, Al and Pete.

Pete was compere this week, and was not the best choice as he hates myspace. He's only got 5 friends, and that's counting Tom- the owner of myspace. He's friends with everyone on myspace. Pete suggested that when he sells the site to google we should all turn up at his california mansion. 'Who are you?' 'It's us Tom, your friends!'

Ric Wharton was back with an odd new form of masochism, wanting Jeremy Kyle to treat you like the dirty underclass scum you are!

Don Moses is too sensible (old?) for myspace, and anyway he's got real friends. Another great 5 minutes of new material, Don's going to have to come back soon to headline with his best bits, or take over the compere duties for a night- god knows we could do with a rest.

A few late cancelations meant we were a few acts short. No problem. Now that we have one compere, we have two of Newcastle's finest in constant reserve- Al and Cal stepped into the breach. Al's healthy lifestyle still has him drifting off the rails from time to time - we all get drunk and forget our keys, only Al could get drunk enough to forget his keys, break in, forget he's broken in and call the police to catch the burglar. Cal was still in full uniform, as he'd just finished work as a Michael Jackson impersonator. Alright postman. He admitted he'd once flipped on the round at a man for snapping his fingers, rather than just saying 'excuse me'. After a hail of abuse, Cal finally noticed that the guy'd had his voice box removed.

This did give Pete an excuse for hs trachiotomy version of Dolly Parton's Joline. Why do only country songs soung good like that?

Finishing off was Chris Ramsey with some brilliant tales of rowdy sheep, and the joys of being a media student- you can watch 'Back to the Future' and call it work. And why DOES someone in a time machine say 'Come on Marty, hurry!'

The competition was Geek's Film Club. We started you off with; 9 and a half geeks; Rear windows. DOS BOOT.- so there was plenty of room for improvement. The winner was American π -is equal to 3.1415926.

As I was compereing I didn't take as many notes as usual, if anyone remembers any more highlights please add comments.

20th Feb. -politics

2007-02-22T02:43:00.000-08:00

With compere Al Dawes, Don Moses, Donnachda O Connail, Dan Dynamite.

Also Ben Davis, and Jamie Rothwell. (We've ordered a new camera so from next week we'll have pictures of the new acts too.)

The theme was politics, but Al didn't wan't to dwell on Blair and modern politics in case he started foaming at the mouth. Al's such a nice guy we sometimes forget he's a christian tory. Instead he focussed on Castro - he's retained a certain popularity even though he's a dictator- why? Because America hates him, so he can't be all bad. And there's enormous fun to be had from someone who's survived assassination by exploding cigar.

Ben Davis (still a student) discussed green issues and the Arab Isreali conflict. He's a quater Jewish so he has some insight, not much, but he is allowed to say 'mushugana'.

Don Moses started by thanking everyone for their applause, then wondered if he should. On Jeremy Kyle everyone gets a round of applause, even if they're on to explain why they abandonned their kids in a skip. He ended with a QandA session- just in case anyone thought he hadn't covered everything in his 5 minutes. Still, the audience clearly wanted him to be thorough -the third question was 'What happened in the 60's?'

Jamie Rothwell was recovering from valentines day. He got a shower radio. A charming gift? Jamie took this as a sign that his beloved hoped he'd kill himself falling through a glass door while attempting to dance in a soapy area.

Donnachda was back trying some new material, tales of alien abduction. Unfortunately for the aliens a miscalculation of scale meant he abducted them, in the pocket of his sensible thornproof jacket.

Dynamite Dave was headlining again, though Dave's been unlucky and only comes on quiet nights- so the honour of headlining is diminished by the fact there are fewer people in the room than at the start of the gig. But Dave energised the room and the 11 people still present were howling like a packed crowd. Dave effortlessly wove the theme of politics into his set. 'I saw John Major in the chip shop once, you know when you're in the chip shop...'

We'd had enough politics by now, so it being pancake day, the competition was suggestions for other weird holidays. Tickle a nun day was a popular favourite. The winner suggested we re-start the practice of rolling cheeses down hills, except substituting the cheese with Jade Goody.

13th February -Gardening / Valentines.

2007-02-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

With Paul Gerrard, Rick wharton, Ging, Carl Hutchinson, Compere Callumb Cramb and Pete Thompson (As Father Mahoney)

Also with John Whale (Sadly not pictured as the LLC camera is officially dead.)

This week the theme was Gardening, as 4 weeks ago when we picked it we'd failed to notice it was the day before Valentine's. But in the end Love won out, and there was more slush than mulch.

Compere this week was Cal, warming us up with cosmopolitain tales of how his train was delayed by a tramp's package and the dangers of being a metrosexual (You get thrown off and your pass is confiscated.)

Fist up was Rick Wharton with a cracking set. After getting the Newcastle Edition of Monopoly he discussed other real events games - 9/11 Jenga anyone? The audience liked some, but thought some were in poor taste - apparently if you're going to mock the dead at LLC make sure they're dead Americans.

Paul Gerrard is a rare thing. He's a comic who tells jokes. No stories, no banter, no have you ever noticed... or wouldn't it be funny if... He just tells gags, and it's refreshing. "I joined a club for obsessive compulsives, 87 times." If you want to hear 18 more like that, watch Paul for 7 minutes.

Regular Pete was up this week with a paper dog collar and a ropey Irish accent -as Father Mahoney, giving a Valentines day sermon, throwing new light on an old romantic tale. A man sells his watch to buy his wife some combs, while to buy him a watch chain she sells her hair. The daft feckin' mare.

John Whale was up next, a true wordsmith pondering on why so many of our idioms are frankly barbaric. Kill two birds with one stone, not enough room to swing a cat, from a nation of animal lovers?

Ging was back, sponsored by Coke this week. (Though it was very subtle.) Ging always brings a loyal gaggle of fans, and this week they were even doing his punchlines and adding to the routine. 'Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolates' says Ging, 'you never know what you'll get, - but I always get a little menu with a box of chocolates.' And from the crowd we heard, 'What about revels?'

Carl was back to finish the night with another dose of well observed material. Why do mums tidy the house before the Gas man arrives?

The competition, hastily converted to a valentine theme was completing the rhyme;
'Roses are red, violets are blue'
e.g.
I've got clamidia, now you do too.
(and the worrying winner)
go on, sniff my finger, sniff it, sniff it.

What's wrong with you people?

6th Feb - Sports

2007-02-09T03:43:00.000-08:00

This week's sports themed night including: Tom Mitchell, Dave Dynamite, guest compere James Christopher. Also there (though not pictured as the LLC camera has finally died) were Keith Piper, Romantic Novelist Selsdon Crupp and Jenny Armstrong.

We're trying out one compere for the whole night, so Pete was the first to give it a go. Most of Pete's material was based on explaining the competition 'Improve the Sport' eg. Relay-Sticks of dynamite replace batons. This means the runners are still competing against each other, but there's also an element of beat the clock. Though Pete also got lucky with the audience banter. He once sprained his jaw through yawning, 'Have you had any weird injuries?' He asked a guy in the first row. 'I started to grow an extra knee...'

First up was Tom Mitchell with a quick look at some of the topics of the day, including the development of 'ethical bullets' -how 'ethical' can they be, exactly?

Next was Keith Piper in his second LLC appearance, managing to draw a lot of humour from the fact that he wasn't really prepared. 'Where's my notes?' isn't the most likely catchphrase, but it seemed to work alongside, 'I haven't worked out how to do a Noah accent.'

Romantic Novelist Selsdon Crupp was a beautiful bit of character comedy. Selsdon read from his latest opus 'Castaway... on Sex Island.' And related his celebrity hijinks with show-biz mate Frank Bruno.

Another illustated lecture from Jenny Armstrong. (We really need a picture) This time Jenny did a bit of poetry criticism - on the genre 'Whinnie the Pooh' fan literature. -Most of whch dosen't stand up to Jenny's trained critical eye. Also, is eating a starburst equivalent to a star bursting? Most of us just wonder - Jenny does the research, and serves it up on a science plate.

Finally Dave Dynamite wound up the night in fine frantic style. His crafted machine gun rants (in that charming Essex burr) giving a final boost of energy and ensuring the crowd left on a high.

31st January – Reality TV

2007-02-02T03:09:00.000-08:00

With Catherine Scott, Carl Hutchinson, Donnachda O'Connaill, Vladimir McTavish, John Scott and others.

A good night, a packed bill, and that ‘hooray, it’s just after payday’ feel all round.

This week’s theme of Reality TV was embraced by all. For the first time. Brilliant. And the crowd seemed to be happy that we were all talking about similar stuff. Amazingly, Jade Goody got off lightly!

Al opened the night, telling a tale about how he was on big brother once?! He introduced Carl Hutchinson and Catherine Scott. Carl had a few things to talk about, and was not happy with the celebrity big brother debacle. Not at all. Catherine was back for the first time in ages, and told of her time in byker grove as an extra. “look, it’s my hair! Behind that table!”

Pete took the middle section, and was already hammered as he was replacing his smoking habit with a drinking one. He introduced Dickie Gardner, Vladimir McTavish, and Donnachda O’Connil. Vladimir McTavish had a few things that he wanted to see on reality TV. It was a sharp downward spiral of filth. Very good. We love that he comes over all the time, a genuine pro, and you get to see him for a measly £2. Donnachda again showed off his Woody-Allen-esq writing skills. His newer material about his parents as solid as anything he has had before.

The final section saw Callum finishing off the competition, then introducing Stu Robertson and John Scott. Stu was in excellent form, telling us tales of REAL reality TV, along with CCTV footage of his mate beating someone up in Barrow. Bless. John Scott finished the evening in style. He performed in a laid back style, put still reminded everyone that the noises in the back yard could well be a serial killer!

This weeks competition was to suggest your own reality TV show. My favourite was ‘Who wants to be a Milliner’, but the winner was ‘Charver Safari – hunters drive through Benwell shooting charvers’. Well deserved!

23 Jan The Great Outdoors.

2007-01-26T00:22:00.000-08:00

With; Sean Mcloughlin, John Scott, Don Moses, Ben Davis, and Tom Roche.

A night that most agreed was 'strange but good.' Al Dawes got us off to a good start by reminding us that we were in the post christmas gloom and that this was oficially the most poverty stricken and depressing week of the year. (He told us, by the way, it wasn't just that his very appearance remined us of the fact.)

Don Moses was up first trying another new 5 minutes to hone his compere skills for later in the year (He's bringing Tim Vine to Newcastle- check the link to his site). Unlike last week, not all the topical material hit home, the danger of talking about the news is not everyone's heard it.

Ben Davis, another charming student, got into the spirit of the theme (The Great Outdoors.) telling us of the uber-hiker who introduced him to the magic of G.O.R.P. - Good Old Raisins and Peanuts.

With only 5 acts we'd gone for a show of 2 halves, and we realise now people need that extra break, as Al was warming up the crowd for the next act, half of them were alread in the loo. Even the soundman dissapperaed for a quick wee, but so did the next act himself so it didn't matter too much. Finishing part 1, was John Scott who'd popped down for a relaxing drink and agreed to go on to fill the gaps caused by the dirty no-shows (You know who you are.) A relaxed John started with some audience banter, but John found himself in a comedy cul-de-sac, when Mark's proudest acheivement was to have reached 21 (and not because of some hilariously life threatening illness.) Thankfully, John's a pro and knows when to give up on the wasters in our audience and tell some of his own jokes.

Part two and Pete was up to compere, showing his knowledge of the great outdoors through the example of the swiss army knife. The most popular tools are the corkscrew and the bottle opener, so for most people it's essentially a booze stick. Callum Cramb (as act rather than 3rd host) was up next with new material and old routines. This is where the night started to get a little weird. A lack luster response to Cal's new material, and Pete's failure to get much more fun out of a camping tool prompted them to say 'We're the backbone of LLC- and we've been the worst things on tonight.' A good natured audience seemed happy enough - they'd obviously seen worse acts who didn't even have the decency to apologise. But the negativity must have hit Sean Mcloughlin. As Al said in his blog;

"Last night at long live comedy, we had a performance from a young lad. He began to die on stage, which is a common thing amongst comedians, so he'd better get used to it. It was - if such a thing is possible - the funniest death I have ever seen. He realised he was getting nowhere, and just launched on a tirade about just how crap everything is. He had absolutely no idea how good he was.　As Pete later commented, he turned around his performance through the gift of spectacular self-loathing."

I don't believe this for a moment. Sean knew exactly what he was doing, he'd planned this hilarious 'death' from the start.

To finish the night Tom Roche got us back to the land of real planned comedy with some good old fashioned jokes. Sensing the odd mood of the night Tom gave us a snappy 10 minutes and left before things got weird again. Leaving Pete to round things off, perhaps focusing on the negative Pete apologised for the whole thing and for stealling £2 from everyone. Then Callum got up, not to chastise the idiot, but to join in offering his apology.

To our relief no one thought it had been a bad night, just one with peculiar, but interesting ups and downs- most of which were funny, if sometimes for the wrong reasons.

Strange but good.