Monday, February 22, 2010

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 16th Feb 2010

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George has finally got his emcee slot back, He won’t want to give that up when Dan gets back, if there’s a club left when he comes back (joking George). He’s improved a lot as an emcee and this week was no exception. Nice to see a busy crowd this week. George talked politics and his attitude to foreigners *cough*.

Up first was Keara Murphy fresh from the hyena and the king’s manor where some insensitive comedian had made a joke about her heavily ovulating before the menopause after she’d left. Can’t think who that was... anyways back to the gig. Keara talked about being a student, how England’s a holiday for her and the joys of her home town of Glasgow and her mums love of Irish men. Highly entertaining. Next up was Phil Golder, who’s 30 (it’s not the end only the beginning of the end Phil!) Talked of his loathing for children, his boredom and caution of porn and talked of old age home in the style of big brother. Good this week Phil you can quote me on that. The first break followed.

George gave us stories of cannabis possession and arrests and took Dan’s mantle in trying to sex the audience (usually women), no doubt from that all famous emcee’s sex offender’s guide. He talked about his one night stand and subsequent elaborate new day get out clause, that’s the problem with having a women stay over at your place, a premature evacuation won’t do you any favours. Next up was Lee Kyle with his preacher man /Amish/ Jew look dressed head to toe in black. His cat died, he showed us his stained pants (fake we hope!). Weird, quirky comedy and controversial with awkward silences, but got laughs anyway. Holding your shoes in the air and looking like a human scare crow / eye picture has never been so strangely entertaining. Not for everyone, but certainly different and a brave choice. I’ve never seen an ending quite like that before.

Next was Jared he’s a mummy’s boy, talked dance and politics and about having kids of your own and being a father. He has too many facebook friends (don’t we all). Energetic performance. Calum Cramb up next scarred for life jokes (whatever that mean don’t ask me I don’t understand my notes!) he talked about his conversation with a chav outside trying to bum a tab and tried new stuff including some Haiti material! Brave, but still the best Haiti stuff I’ve heard so far. Break.


John Barker (Boris Johnson) strolled on the stage with his bumbling conservative satire, dressed like an Eskimo. Mental ramblings in a comedy stylee. Maybe a little too realistic! Up next Sharon Race talking about Valentine’s Day, teacher training and new stuff such as names for genitalia. We still never got that song though Sharon! We’ll hold you to it one day.... Special end appearance from Dickie Gardner with two minutes of untried one liner’s, I knew it only took a minute or two anyway! (It’s late I should have been in bed a long time ago!) He also talked about pre nuptial contracted drunken sex and finally there was enough time for George to end on a one liner that he managed to do twice. Good night? It was indeed and now it’s my bedtime.

Long Live Comedy @ The Dog And Parrot 9th Feb 2010

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Dan Emceed with more George ribbing, one might hasten to think George is happy Dan’s buggering off to Australia for a while, but that would be cynical thinking. Dan talked about his time as Gloria Huniford’s warm up act. I presume he meant only in a professional capacity anyway.

Up first was Nick Cranston, the filth without his fury this week. Chatting up the regulars on the front row trying and failing where so many (including George and Dan) have already failed. Nick talked about strip clubs making them sound even seedier than even I remembered them to be. Starting from the lowest ebb is a good place as the only way is up (or less crude at least!) He asked what would you do for a million pounds? More like what wouldn’t we do! Up next Veteran of long live Paul Gerrard with more one liners, probably one of the most prolific one liner joke tellers in the north east. Exposing us to more of his strange but intriguing inner world. Next Conner Pierce, his second ever gig, improved from his first and his second was better than my second anyway! He talked about astrology and the holocaust, cheery stuff. Still nice to see he’d written and performed more than one joke this time (owww catty, just kidding Pierce it’s tough when you’re new!) he was followed by a very welcomed beer Break.

Dan came back with more tales of his misspent sexual youth. Up next was Paul Hayman, all suited and booted, speech impediment humour is that rare comic gem that thankfully worked really well for him. Looking forward to seeing him again at LLC. He used age based material and talked about relationships, really lifted a jaded room on a quiet night crowd-wise. More George ribbing from Dan, blatantly borderline tries to pimp out the front row. They weren’t impressed, but still you always pay for it.....just not always directly and not always with money! Another break.

Jared up next with a bright yellow shirt which blinded the crowd and a nice suit to go with it. His mum still helps him out with his clothes bless. Talked about the got to get em all nature of facebook and his relatives on facebook. Last up was Ian Todd, talking classified ads (that he’d made up), wearing a tracksuit top and genes bottom an odd combination; I’m missing his Freddy Kruger look he stole off me already. Always the entertainer.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

LLC Review 2nd February 2010

Long Live Comedy @ Dog and Parrot 2nd February 2010

Dan was emcee again tonight, probably just to stop George doing it (he’s pedantic like that you know). This week he decided to try other peoples jokes to see if we guessed who’s they were correctly, we didn’t. He was leeching on young women as usual; girls over 27 need not apply! Still he did crucify George and better him than me (that was last week and probably every week after he reads this). Anyway back to the acts.

First up was Phil Golder, back from a long absence with some new material. He talked up Afghanistan and got a lot of laughs out of blowing his nose, always a good comedic action I find. Not a bad return at all. James Christopher next, more Afghan jokes; he’s always getting compared to other people by the way he looks, so I won’t add to it this week. It was a tight set with lots of new stuff. Nice Trench coat too.

Up after the break was just another minute (don’t sue us). Sharon tried to host, God bless her and at least she gave it a go! I think a review of the rules before hand would have been handy! On the panel was Dickie Gardner, Steve Hesse, George Zach and Pete Thompson (former champion, but came last I think this time!) Topics included: haemorrhoids, Tiles, French Cheese, Greece and Porn (the last two of course George is excelled in). Of course George won he can rant for Greece!

So another break and back into the acts, Dickie Gardner kicked us off with the idea of

A rape alarm for a present (not his idea I stress!), the art of overhearing comments and conversations and other tip bits, a short set tonight but quite Sharpe. Dan then talked about space docking (you don’t want to know) and putting poo in a condom (it’s a gay thing apparently!). Last but not least was Sharon Race, now some people think I’m racist, I’m not I quite like Sharon Race, she may struggle to use a timer, be unable to add up basic numbers but she probably does a mean curry (that’s a joke don’t write in and complain!) she whizzed through as we were running short, but managed to do some new chav based material and recovered well from the just a minute mishap earlier. It’s all learning Sharon!

LLC Review 26th January 2010

Dog and Parrot Long live Comedy 26th January 2009

Dan was back to emcee again with more wicked stories of his misspent January. Up first was Nick Cranston with his usual filth, including masturbation material and he was the first to start calling the girl with the tattoos on her leg, legs girl, which continued throughout the night much to her grievance. Next up was Connor Pierce who talked adverts, looking very casual, with frizzy ginger hair . Made the mistake of asking the audience who he could impersonate getting the inevitable reply of Mick Hucknell. Still not bad for a first gig.

After the break was John Barker, doing his lets learn English sketch. Sounding as Alan Partridge as ever all in dark with his brother on stage, the first of the night to say “Haiti” brave, but amusing. Kevin Wikinson up next, another newbie who was taking to the stage for the first time. Masturbation and dogs were on the menu and he got a big laugh as he came on stage, unfortunately it was not for him it was for legs girl falling down and doing the splits as she tried to leave the room. There’s something about this place that attracts extremely drunk women, but as Dan said we all still would. Still Kevin recovered the focus and had quite a good set. Dan then talked about relationships before Sharon Race took to the stage. Wearing a scarf, she tried some new stuff, informing us of how Newcastle fairs in the national polls, along with the usual call centre banter.

Another break, Up next was Carlos (who didn’t look quite as rapey as Dan had made out) who proceeded to raise the tone of the night...oh no wait sorry this was Carlos, he shared with us some of the darker analogies he had pondered this Christmas and revealed interesting truths regarding tasks he deems suitable for his mother to carry out. He seemed to have genuinely disturbed the two girls at the front, who were obviously unaware of the good doctor’s reputation.

then finishing the night was Simon Buglass, ex Byker groove (sort of) wearing his trademark flat cap he talked life, love (or singleness) why he’s still single and Susan Boyle. An eventful night as usual, don’t you just love drunk women.